the malaise

February 5, 2002

Today's Reading
Sleeping with Cats by Marge Piercy

This Year's Reading
2002 Book List

The malaise I've been in all winter, or maybe since September, or since I don't remember, let up for a day today. I rushed madly around taking out the trash (no mean feat because the side door of the dumpster is frozen shut), dropping off and picking up laundry, putting away the accumulated clean laundry, ditto for the dishes... It's all making me realize just how depressed I've been. This is the first time in eons that I didn't send out Christmas cards. I haven't written thank you notes for Xmas yet either. Nor am I returning phone calls unless they have to do with old people adopting cats. I don't know where today's burst of energy came from other than that I overslept this morning big time. I had set the alarm for 5:30 AM so I could be at work at 6:30 to start work on something that was becoming critical path and for which the deadline to get stuff to me had been extended from last night to this morning. Well, 5:30 came and went and suddenly it was 9:30 and I was wondering what hit me. When I did finally get to work, the stuff I needed wasn't ready 'til 11:05 anyway. And it went downhill from there but I felt OK about it anyway. Turns out I didn't need to do something I had thought I did (because Marketing asked for it). Found out about that after I'd been working madly on it for 3 and a half hours. Started over doing what was really necessary. Had to leave to go to therapy. Whine at therapist manically about how I just can't do it. Where "it" is just about everything. Raced manically back to work, completed the task in about 2 and a half hours, and left feeling better than I have in months. This is irrational. Nothing about today, except the outrageous amount of sleep, should have made me feel better. I do not understand this at all.