A humorous story about a trip to the veterinarian.
[To copyright, credits and page maintenance information]
I came home one evening to find a friend presenting a dog to Peg for a medical exam. "Diane" was taking care of two dogs, Scruples and Simba, for a vacationing friend and Scruples had had a mishap. Later in the week "Diane" e-mailed this story to another friend of her's. She sent me a copy to fill me in on what happened after she left our house to visit the vet. By promising to change names I have her permission to present here an edited copy of her e-mail.
Date: Fri, 4 Aug 1995 06:54:25 -0400
From: dp@foo.bar.com
To: raparker@kludgeware.com
Subject: Happy Friday
Hi Rick,
Paul's been out of town this week, so I was bringing him up to date on what's been happening around here. I thought you might enjoy more of the gory details that I haven't had time to share until now.
Scruples is getting around quite nicely. Cathy will be taking her to her own vet next week.
Dear Paul,
So far today it seems peaceful over here, though I'm not counting on this, as previous days have taught. Now, let's take Wednesday for an example. Things are generally chipping, had a lovely morning bicycle ride, and arrived back at the ranch shortly before 5:30, just in time to cart John to lifesaving class. John, Robin, and Ellen are in the kitchen, eating, so what else is new?, and Scruples and Simba are trotting in between their legs, optimistic for crumbs.
"Put the pets in their house, I'm just going to run upstairs for a minute, we've got to get going."
"Mom, something's wrong with Scruple's leg, Robin accidentally stepped on it when he stood up."
Scruples is limping around the kitchen holding her right hind leg up like an elderly ballerina.
"Great. (Sigh). Alright Scruples, into the car with you. We'll see if you start to feel better by the time we drop John off."
"Ma, Scruple's leg looks bad. It says here in my First Aid book that ..."
"Peg? This is Diane. Can I come over to have you look at a dog? No, not Charming, Scruples, I'll explain later..."
"I don't like the looks of this, fracture is my bet. Call your vet now."
"This is Pet Haven Veternary Services. Our offices are now closed, but if you need emergency services, contact Animal Extra Care and Extra Charge at 508-..."
"Be here at 8:30, we'll need your Visa number and Scruples' medical history."
"Cathy, are you having a nice vacation? - er - so far??"
"Receptionist!, Scruples has been waiting 45 minutes and I need to pick up my son at 10. What's the story here!?"
"Madam, go home and call us. There is nothing we can do until the doctor reads the x-rays and consults with the Northeast US Diagnostic Surgical Team."
"Mom, how's Scruples?"
"The good news is that she's still alive, the bad news is that she needs a transplant. But I'll let you and Robin decide which one of your bodies it's coming from."
"Diane, the vet just called me. She says she can put a bandage on Scruples and give her a bullet to bite on for under $200. or do the Right Thing for the tune of about $1700. Wendel favors shooting someone, not sure if it's Scruples, you, me, Robin, or all of the above."
"Ok, got it. We go for the mini job and consider reconstructive surgery after Jake's college tuition bills are paid up. The basic idea is to get Scruples out of that Vet's claws as soon as possible. What! If we don't pick her up by midnight there's an additional $40.00 charge. Bye!!!"
"Ma, that could be a trooper's car, you better slow down a little."
"We're - pant, pant - here to pick up - pant ..."
"Just take a seat Madam, we've got an emergency and can't talk to you now."
"Oh, you're not one of the relatives of Whopper? We didn't realize you were waiting for Scruples. She'll be right out. In 20 minutes."
"Come! Sit!! Now here's your dog. Listen to my instructions. She appears dead because she's been given some medication, but should come to about the same time her owner is revived from speaking to our accountant. No food or water for the rest of the night."
"You mean the last 20 minutes of it? Ha ha, just a little joke here. - Not even a little water?"
"No! We've had pet's under medication go to take a drink and fall into their waterbowls and drown."
"Gads, what do you use? Jacuzzis? I just meant a few laps from a saucer."
"Now pay attention, Madam, sit!"
"(Yawn) yes, I'm with you."
"Severe exercise restriction. Severe."
"What? You think I'd be taking her out for a run? I may need help to get to my car."
"Mom, I think Simba doesn't understand why Scruples is sleeping outside the hutch. Do you think we should let him out too?"
"No! He'd probably have chewed off that hot pink case around Scruples' leg off by dawn. Don't you like the little purple hearts on it?"
"Cathy, Scruples is perking up and hobbling around. I overheard her remarking to Simba that she 'just hopes she'll get out of this joint alive,' so I'm sure she'll be happy to see you on Saturday. Hope you're having a wonderful vacation...."
[ To the Parker/Whelley Home Page ]
Copyright © 1995 DP
E-mail Rickard A. Parker at
raparker@theworld.com