Patrick M Brennan

Moving to a New Address

ATTENTION: Redirecting to www.pbrennan.net in 10 seconds.

I finally decided that the time has come to move to my own domain. I'm moving my personal website, including this blog, from http://world.std.com/~pbrennan to my new domain, http://www.pbrennan.net/. The old site will remain for a while as a mirror, but I will eventually shut it down. In the meantime, please update your links and bookmarks.

Must-Read for Today

The Unfeeling President by E.L. Doctorow. Eloquent and sad. Over 1,000 service people dead, but:

"He does not mourn. He doesn't understand why he should mourn. He is satisfied during the course of a speech written for him to look solemn for a moment and speak of the brave young Americans who made the ultimate sacrifice for their country....He cannot mourn but is a figure of such moral vacancy as to make us mourn for ourselves."

This Just In

Don Rumsfeld has said that he doesn't believe there will be a civil war in Iraq. Considering Rumsfeld's track record so far predicting how things in Iraq would go -- he's batting a perfect .000 -- a civil war is starting to look more and more inevitable.

Rumsfeld also seems to think "what has to be done in that country is what basically was done in Samarra over the last 48 hours." In other words, drive most of the population out of it and kill everyone that's left behind?

Go SpaceShipOne!

As any geek worthy of the title knows by now, SpaceShipOne has flown its second of two required flights necessary to secure the $10 million Ansari X-Prize. This is a remarkable achievement, and it's a clear step in the direction of everyday, private space flight.

There are now three directions for follow-on development. The first, as highlighted by the Virgin Galactic deal, will be the commercialization of SpaceShipOne-class vehicles as short-hop thrill rides to the edge of space for the well-heeled, starting at about $20,000 per ride. The second will be the development of more capable suborbital vehicles for commercial use. (I'll be very surprised if we don't learn in 10 years or so that the US military isn't already operating "black" suborbital vehicles of some sort, but that's another topic.) Suborbital cargo or passenger carriers could revolutionize commerce and transportation every bit as much as overnight package delivery and jumbo jets have done. But the long-range payoff will be on the third follow-on, which would be a private orbital space vehicle. The challenges for this are formidable, because getting SpaceShipOne to 100 kilometers is nowhere near as difficult as pushing it to orbital speed once it's reached that altitude. And once you're in orbit, then you have the problem of getting rid of all that speed in order to come home again. Remember, we lost one Space Shuttle in the process of pouring on the speed to get into orbit, and another one in the process of shedding speed to come back to Earth. Both parts of the problem are difficult and dangerous. Nevertheless, someone will do it at some point. And with any luck, I'll have saved enough money for a ticket by that time.

George W. Bubble Boy

George W. Bush put on such a dismal performance in last night's debate, I was at a real loss for an explanation. Was he tired? Was he stressed out? Did he not bother to prepare? He was on-message ("9/11 - no mixed signals - I know how the world works"), but there wasn't much conviction to what he had to say, and he said it over and over again. He seemed visibly lost at a couple of moments in the debate, struggling to remember his lines. At other times he looked smug, smirking his famous smirk, and all in all acting as though the debate was nothing more than a waste of his valuable time. Where was George W. Bush, the straight-talkin' guy who was supposed to wipe the floor with John Kerry? Where was George W. Bush, the mighty leader who was going to deliver the knockout blow, on the topic he controls -- foreign policy -- and put Kerry away once and for all?

The answer, of course, is just that that George W. Bush doesn't exist outside the Republican media machine. And to make sure you don't know that, they keep the real George W. Bush inside an impenetrable, hermetically-sealed bubble.

For the past four years, access to Bush has been meticulously managed. Press conferences -- when they occur -- are occasions for softball questions by friendly reporters, and reporters who don't play ball are frozen out. Bush campaign events are scripted even for the participants, who must sign loyalty oaths before being permitted in, and where security toughs ensure that even then, they may be ejected for not displaying the proper level of deference. Once in, they participate in call-and-response with the president, in a grotesque parody of a leader addressing the citizens he serves. Every time he makes a speech, of course, he's not speaking his own words: he's just reading talking points off a teleprompter. So the impression that has been conjured is that of an infallible and wildly popular leader. Facts -- like the insane rush to a disastrous war in the Middle East -- almost don't matter, as long as the Republicans can control the impressions.

But last night, for the first time in four years, we saw Bush by himself, without a script, without having the questions beforehand, without being able to memorize his pat answers beforehand, without a teleprompter or a bud in his ear (as far as we know), and without a cheering audience to back him up.

And you know, maybe this morning it looks like keeping Bush isolated in a bubble wasn't such a good idea after all.

I think he's gone soft from all the cushy treatment. When you don't have to work for the applause, when you don't have to have the right answers because they'll be given to you, when you don't even have to think for yourself -- how can you not lose your edge when that happens?

It's no secret that Bush never had much use for doing real work in the first place. Once relieved of any need to perform in public, he lost the ability, and it showed last night.

George W. Bush is a Bubble Boy. Once he's outside the bubble, he can't defend himself. Maybe they should have inoculated him first -- or maybe they shouldn't have isolated him from the world in the first place.

Just Watched the First Debate

It's about time somebody was allowed to ask George W. Bush questions about Iraq. It's about time.

After delivering perfunctory thanks to the hosts of the debate, what were the first words out of George W. Bush's mouth? "September 11th." Should that have been a surprise? Right there, the magic words, the words that justify any excess, any bad policy, any lie. "September 11th." See him repeat it like a mantra, about 200 billion more times (one for each dollar wasted in Iraq) between now and the election.

Bush's single talking point: you shouldn't send "mixed signals." Whatever that means. When he doesn't have his handlers surrounding him and managing him, Bush doesn't seem capable of being coherent. He can't think on his feet. Kerry, by contrast, demonstrated that he was prepared, he had a command of the facts.

Twice, Bush asserted that A.Q. Khan has been "brought to justice." Twice! Khan has exported nuclear technology to Iran, North Korea, and Libya. His network was penetrated and has at least gone underground, but a lot of damage has been done. Has A.Q. Khan been brought to justice? Not really. He was pardoned by Pervez Musharraf, the President of Pakistan. This is what Bush considers "justice"? It might have been better for Bush not to have mentioned A.Q. Khan; most Americans have no idea who A.Q. Khan is. On the other hand, most won't bother to find out, so maybe that's a wash for Bush.

It was absolutely incumbent upon Bush to explain how he's going to win in Iraq and get us out of there. Does Bush have any idea how to get us out of Iraq? Does Bush have a clue about how to get us out of Iraq?

Vidlit: Bite-Sized Literature in Flash

I love Vidlits. Well, of course I do: I'm a writer and a Flash guy, so naturally I'm glad to see someone else mixing their chocolate in my peanut butter. They've pulled it off with such wit and style that it's definitely worth more than one visit.

Words to Live By

GEORGE W. BUSH: "I am not gonna get involved in any quagmire that I didn't start." (1972, 2003)

It's possible -- he made a solemn vow, and he's sticking to it.

Vote: The Machinery of Democracy

An online companion to the exhibit at the Smithsonian Museum of American History, this site features an interesting look at the historical background of the machines we trust with our votes. Gives some perspective to the current electronic voting machine mess, but if it's supposed to make me feel better that the machines have always been a source of worry, it's not working.

More Reassurance from Microsoft

This makes me feel secure. Microsoft is reporting that a new flaw has been discovered, deep in the Windows XP code, which can be exploited to take control of your computer. The twist is that this time, the code can be embedded in a JPG image, which the typical websurfer encounters thousands of times every day. Your machine could be infected simply by viewing an image on the web!

Microsoft is issuing patches for literally dozens of different products which share the code base. It's a huge pain in the ass to patch your M$ products, I know; but it beats getting hacked. Of course, you could always go open-source; this might be just the reason to switch to from Internet Exploiter -- er, Explorer -- to Firefox.

Microsoft : your potential, our patchin'

Republican Dating Sites

Are you a sensitive Republican looking for that special someone? The bar scene just doesn't cut it; how many times have you wasted a ton of money and a lot of your valuable time meeting someone new, only to have her disagree with you on some political point? If she watches anything but Fox, you've just blown the whole evening. Internet dating services are a great way to reduce the hassle, but as we all know, it's just too easy to end up on a date with a woman who still believes that everyone has a right to have their vote counted, or that her body belongs to her.

If it's all too much to bear, knowing that there are women out there who can disagree with your beliefs, and defend themselves with facts and reason, implicitly pointing out your shameful inability to do anything better than parrot the last thing you heard on talk radio, then there is help for you. Now there are dating sites for people like you, where only people who have been screened for the correct political beliefs will be allowed to register. It's just like a Bush/Cheney campaign event! And just like the President and Vice President, you won't ever have to worry about answering any inconvenient questions or be asked to back up your assertions with actual facts.

Single Republicans
Conservative Match
Republican Singles

The sites themselves are covered with ("liberally festooned with," you might say) eagles and flags and the Statue of Liberty, to remind you that you are a Real American, which is why you seek to avoid meeting people who deviate even slightly from your rigid and narrow-minded ideology.

Rush Limbaugh himself has endorsed these sites: "despite the liberal lads you've been dating, there is hope out there," says Rush, who has just been divorced by his third wife, whom he met online! How can you argue with success like that? (It wasn't his fault, of course, it's all because of contraception.)

So go on over and register right now!

(White, Christian, Registered Republicans only, please, straight or deeply closeted. Promise Keepers and women lacking self-esteem welcome. All females must be of good breeding stock, with shots and certificates up-to-date. Already married? Not a problem, as long as you are male and a major Republican donor or elected official!)

Republican dating sites. Where even Ann Coulter can get a date!

Free Market

(NOTE: I wrote this in January 2001. Strangely, I think its relevance has only grown in the intervening time.)

FREE MARKET
( The Scene : THE PRESIDENT addresses the nation on television. )

THE PRESIDENT:
Good evening, America.

It is a pleasure and an honor for me to address you tonight.

First and foremost, I'd like to thank you again for expressing your confidence in me this past November, those of you who voted, that is. For me. And had your votes counted. And let me make clear that my deepest regret, perhaps my only regret, about the recent events with which we are all so familiar is that they will prevent me from having the honor, the privilege, of asking for your votes in the future.

I'd like to thank you all for having the good sense, most of you, to have quietly acquiesced to our recent change of government. Yes, we realize you were only doing what we had spent years training you to do, but it's still gratifying that all our diligence and hard work has paid off.

We deeply appreciate the acceptance, the docility and restraint, with which you have greeted this momentous change. And let me assure you that thanks to you, we've been able to keep the demonstrations, detentions, and disappearances to an absolute minimum.

Our research leads us to believe that generally, you all understand that what we did, we had to do. Ultimately, it is in your own best interests. Some of you may not believe that, but don't worry. Our people will be sure to see that your children do.

Now, tonight, I'd like to take a few minutes and talk to you about your rights. Things may have changed a bit, but I want to assure everyone watching tonight that you still have rights, fundamental rights, guaranteed by law. Let me enumerate them for you.

First and foremost, you have the right to work. As you know, I was raised in a right-to-work state, and it shaped my beliefs profoundly. So, from this moment, let me assure you that you will exercise your right to work. And for your labor, you have the right to be paid at a fair rate, which we will set.

You also have the right to buy a multitude of fine consumer products offered for sale by our corporate subsidiaries, and conveniently available at any of our beautiful, bright, shiny malls.

You have the right to passively consume a wealth of media diversions which we have manufactured and screened to be as wholesome and as inoffensive as possible. Don’t worry, there will be plenty of sports, plenty of situation comedy, plenty of romance novels, for everyone. However, from this moment forward, all depictions of sex, violence, drug use, blasphemy, libel against the government, and subversive political ideas will be strictly forbidden in all forms of media. I know that those of you who are parents will appreciate that.

You have the right to worship in whichever religion you choose, and raise your children in your tradition. In fact, to help you with this, we have pre-selected a group of seven specific religions which you will be required to choose from. Choose wisely, because this will be a binding choice.

You have the right to a government which can learn about any threat to public safety and act accordingly. Therefore, you have the right to supply any information deemed necessary to the proper police and civil authorities. This includes samples of your blood, urine, skin, or any other tissues. You also have the right to be under our electronic protection at all times.

You have the right to be deeply afraid of any vague, external threats which we will bring to your attention from time to time, and to support any and all actions which we deem necessary to protect you from any such threats.

Should you ever be arrested by the police, you have the right to be held in solitary confinement for as long as necessary while the evidence against you is gathered; and you have the right to a speedy trial. You will have the right to speak at your trial. When you are found guilty, and let's face it, most people who are arrested are guilty, you will have the right not to have any cruel and unusual punishments inflicted upon you, but we will decide what’s cruel and unusual. Most of your rights will be stripped from you as a prisoner, but not all of them. In fact, you’ll find that you still have the right to work. For us.

Well, so much for your basic rights. I think you'll agree with me that really, for you, very little has changed. But now, I'd like to talk to you about something even more basic, more fundamental, and much more exciting: our new way of doing things. Let me start with the fundamentals. What are we trying to do with America, with the American government, and where are we taking it?

You see, we're businessmen. And we believe, as many of you do, that government should be run like a business. In the whole, long history of man, many forms of social organization have been tried, and none of them have shown such spectacular success as the free market. All other forms, and history has shown this clearly, are utter failures. And as we are organizing every other facet of our lives to be governed by the market, so we must reorganize our social institutions. And that means, we’re not a government, we’re a business.

And when you look at the business of governing like a business, as we did, you realize certain things. We realized that there were enormous inefficiencies in the way different entities such as the government, the media, and the marketplace were running our affairs. It was as though these entities were all serving different purposes, or different people, or different ends, when in fact they were all really being run by the same people, with the same ends in mind. All this separation of powers nonsense, for example. Who needs it? So, when you look at it like that, you see that what we did was no more radical than what any good group of free marketeers would do in this situation. We decided on a merger!

We determined that there would be enormous synergies, as they say, by combining all of our various holdings into a single, superior conglomerate. We will realize incredible savings by eliminating redundancies. And we intend to pass the savings back to you, the consumers!

However, in the course of the inevitable restructuring we are planning, we will incur enormous costs. Moreover, we will have to retire some debts as we consolidate. In order to do this right, therefore, we need investment on a massive scale. And now, my fellow Americans, you will see how you fit in.

You see, I’ve waited until now to tell you about your new right, your most important right and your most exciting privilege, in this new American age. From now on, you will have the right to buy shares of America. That’s right. Tomorrow morning, we will announce an Initial Public Offering of certified US government stock. And I urge you to call your representative, or your broker, and buy as much as you can. From now on, your rights will be determined by your ownership of US government stock. Buy, and you will be a full citizen with all rights and privileges of a stockholder, with as many votes as you have shares. Don’t buy, and well, you know.

The free market, as we’ve said, is a superior system for the allocation of resources. And good government is really just another resource. And that means that the primitive and anachronistic notion of one man, one vote is hopelessly outdated. It's more rational, it’s more logical, to adopt the system of one dollar, one vote. For one thing, they're a whole lot easier to count. What do you think accountants are for? There's never any doubt, between any two people, who's got the most dollars. I’m confident that once you get used to this new system, you will appreciate it as much as we do, as you trade in the tired old label of “citizen” for the proud titles of “customer,” “employee,” and “stockholder!”

Remember, my fellow Americans, past performance is no guarantee of future results, so read the prospectus carefully before you invest. Trust God, follow the dollar, and bless America! Thank you!

BLACKOUT

There Shall Be No Peace Until Kirk Lives!

So vows the official Bring Back Kirk website, which maintains that the stupid and senseless death of James T. Kirk in Star Trek: Generations needs to be redressed.

You know, sometimes we lose track of what's really important in this life. Thankfully, there are some people who are out there to remind us.

Our Privacy Policy

An actual sign I saw in a check-cashing store in Somerville today:



"OUR PRIVACY POLICY: We do not disclose any non-public personal information to anyone, except as permitted by law."

In other words, "We will sell any of your data to anyone at any time we like, and if you don't like it ... well, who cares if you don't like it? You're standing in line at a damn check-cashing store."

In these troubled times, though, isn't it nice to know that a company has an explicit policy of only doing what is permitted by law?

The Boston Retinal Implant Project

The Boston Retinal Implant Project is an attempt to create a microelectronic retinal implant. Their goal is to restore vision to patients with age-related macular degeneration and retinitis pigmentosa. They are currently testing their first device, which stimulates the neurons underneath the retina based on visual information acquired by a tiny camera and relayed to the implant using radio waves. The electrode array which interfaces with the neurons is not capable of transmitting much information yet -- there are only 15 electrodes. They clearly have a lot of work ahead of them. But it's a very exciting start.

My question is, how long until I can have one of these things? If someone's going to insert one of these in my eye, I want more than fifteen pixels, that's for sure. My own back-of-the-envelope guess is that prostheses like these will be as good as my own eye in anywhere from 20 to 30 years. Something to look forward to.

Food Force

I really love shooters, but a game doesn't need shooting in it for me to be interested. I think I'll be interested in checking out Food Force from that hotbed of game development the World Food Program. It's definitely a different idea: the player is a Food Aid worker trying to accomplish missions in hostile territory. Although the game appears to be targeted at a younger demo than me, I like the general idea. If it's done well, this could be one of those quirky, non-mainstream sim games that I do, in fact, love (like Orbiter).

W Ketchup

The Republicans' favorite vegetable is back. Just the thing to put on your Freedom Fries! From the website:

"You don’t support Democrats. Why should your ketchup? W Ketchup is made in America, from ingredients grown in the USA. W Ketchup is America’s Ketchup™. Because Democrats aren't Americans."

OK, I made up that last sentence, but you know? That's pretty much the gist of the site. Of course, there's nothing new about exploiting patriotism, or party affiliation, to make a buck. God bless America. As for me, well, I love America and I don't like ketchup anyway.

Camper Strike and Red Orchestra

Camper Strike is a nifty Flash app which gives you a few minutes of the First Person Shooter experience, assuming your MO is being a camper.

On the other hand, if you're bored with Unreal Tournament 2004 already, maybe Red Orchestra can help jazz things up. I haven't tried it yet, but it looks really cool.

Nader's Difference

This cool Flash app allows you to interactively assess the potential impact of Ralph Nader's run on the 2004 Presidential race, making it much more concrete and palpable. Obviously a lot of people in 2000 bought Ralph's line that there was no difference between Gore and Bush. This year, there's really no excuse for that sort of willful ignorance. Yet Ralph persists in that line, for reasons I cannot fathom.

Doom 3

So far I've resisted the temptation to run out and splurge on the new computer I'm going to need to run Doom 3 on. It's not so much about the money. It's not about alienating my wife either: darling that she is, my wife has gone out of her way to let me know she's cool with me getting a new rig (though of course she gets the old machine), and then spending every waking moment for the next month playing Doom.

There, I've said it. I'm not holding out on Doom because I can't afford the money or because it'll cause marital strife. It's just the fact that Doom promises to be a world-class time sink, at a moment in my life when time is my scarcest and most precious resource.

I know I'll get to it eventually. Maybe even this year. I just have to clear a few things off my plate first. Then I'm going to buy a hot new machine, take it home, draw the shades, disconnect the phone, and go to Hell for a while.

I can't wait... but in the meantime, John Carmack's rocket will have to do without my $55 contribution. (I'm sure he's bummed about that.)

(Actually, this coming Saturday, August 14th, would be a perfect time to buy a new machine, since it's going to be a sales tax holiday in Massachusetts for items costing $2500 or less -- but that's assuming I can bring the new rig in for less than that. hmmmm....)

(PS: Apparently some people literally think that playing Doom 3 will literally send me to hell, and that therefore Doom 3 should be banned. Actually, I'm about half-convinced this site is a joke, but some people seem to take it seriously.)

The Living Room Candidate

The Living Room Candidate is a web exhibit produced by the American Museum of the Moving Image, and it's brilliant. It's an exhibit of presidential campaign commercials from 1952 through the current political season. I'm not sure if this exhibit carries all of the candidates' ads, but at least there is a good cross-section of them. It's fascinating to watch the ads, and the accompanying commentary is also very good. In addition, the exhibit lets me see the TV ads of George W. Bush and John Kerry, which aren't running in this non-battleground state.

Boring Stuff Like, You Know, Protecting Us

Question: What could the Bush administration have spent 144 billion dollars on, instead of squandering it on a useless, wasteful, and counterproductive war in Iraq? This chart from the New York Times (registration required) outlines just how many ways to actually protect America have been ignored. Things like safeguarding our ports, adding more police officers, protecting airliners from shoulder-fired missiles, and securing weapons-grade nuclear material around the world from theft.

Of course, none of these practical and useful actions would give George W. Bush the opportunity to strut around on an aircraft carrier in a flight suit and claim some weird Oedipal prize from his dad. And none of them would create new business opportunities for Halliburton. Also, none of them would create new terrorists, kill American soldiers by the hundreds, or bog America down in an occupation of a hostile land. So clearly, the war was a much better alternative.

Crystal Ball Time: Predictions for W's Second Term

I don't have any particular powers of prediction. I'm not psychic. I don't have well-placed sources. On the other hand, I do read the news. So for what it's worth, I did make some predictions back in late 2000. I told my friends and family exactly what I thought the next four years under George W. Bush were going to be like. My prediction was: "war and recession."

It was clear to anyone who really cared to look that W's inner circle were bent on a war of some sort, probably with Iraq. They hadn't exactly made a secret of it. I have to admit that once 9/11 hit, and the Afghan war happened, I was willing to say that I'd been wrong. I didn't really think my prediction of war was satisfied by Afghanistan, since I really predicted an unnecessary war of choice, rather than one of necessity. Of course, by now we all know what happened: as soon as 9/11 and Afghanistan were off the front pages, W and his pals went right back to planning the war they'd been planning before 9/11, except now they had a rationale they could sell it with. (Remember the WMDs?) Thanks for the war, George!

By the way, did anyone else notice how an additional $25 billion was just sort of snuck into the Iraq war this week? It didn't really garner much notice in the news, since the media was more obsessed with important issues like Teresa Heinz Kerry's language. This brings the total (publicly acknowledged) expenditure for Iraq to roughly 187 billion dollars!! Anyone who thinks American soldiers are going to leave Iraq anytime soon is living in a fantasy. We're in Iraq for at least ten years. You and I, and our children and grandchildren, will pay many thousands of dollars apiece to finance this stupid adventure, over which we had no say whatsoever. So once again, thanks for the war, George!

As for recession -- well, we were probably going to have a recession anyway. It was all a question of how long and how hard the recession would be. Thanks to W's regressive policies -- a "tax cut" that's really a net tax increase on most of us, a massive transfer of money to the super-wealthy, massive spending cuts -- the recession has been longer and harder than it needed to be. I think by now the economists say we're out of recession, but it sure doesn't feel like it. I'm not rich, but I'm not poor either -- I make a decent living -- but W's recession included the only period of extended unemployment I've ever experienced in my life, and it was scary. We lost a lot of financial ground in those months. A lot of other people did a lot worse. A lot of people who were working in 2000 still can't find work. That's just fine for W's super-rich buddies, who like having a lot of people unemployed: it makes it easier to hold the line on wages. So Thanks for the recession, George!

I think I predicted the consequences of W's first term in office just about right. What about a second Bush term?

First of all: call me a conspiracy theorist, but even though the election currently seems to favor Kerry, I think the odds are in favor of Bush getting elected (not "re-elected", as he wasn't elected in the first place), through some combination of three possible events:

1. Osama gets caught just before the election! What amazing timing! The Republicans are good at October surprises, and they will literally try anything. They are currently leaning hard on Pakistan to produce the big guy; of course, for all we know, they already have him and they're just waiting for the right moment to pull him out of their hat.

2. Osama strikes again! They've been talking this one up non-stop, too. You can almost hear the hope in the voices of various Republican shills, because they expect a terrorist attack will make people rally behind Bush; and they might be right about that. (Of course, they have also floated the idea of suspending elections in such a case -- which I wouldn't put past them, if they didn't think they could game the actual results of the election like they did in 2000.)

3. The computer ate my vote! Of course, a lot of us won't actually get to vote in 2004 anyway. Thanks to a combination of tricks, like throwing people off voter rolls for having a name "similar" to a felon, etc., we are poised to have more than one Florida this year (including, naturally, Florida!). And since many states are now using electronic voting machines such as those manufactured by Republican-friendly Diebold, there won't be an opportunity to perform any inconvenient recounts -- because the machines don't actually record votes, they only record totals. There is every possibility that the Supreme Court will deliver this election for Junior, as well.

So unless Kerry opens up a wide margin, and soon, I am currently predicting this election for Bush. What about W's second term? What does that hold in store for us?

War and recession, only much more so.

There will be another war. The Bushies have previously discussed the idea of a war against Syria. Lately, they've been floating the totally fucking insane idea of attacking Iran. While a war in Iran would be a disaster, both for America and Iran, that doesn't mean they won't try.

War serves so many of the current regime's purposes so well, there's every reason to believe they've gotten a taste for it. War is a huge business opportunity, for certain types of businesses: arms manufacturers, private security firms, construction companies, oil-service companies, and so on. Dick Cheney knows all about this. $187 billion is a lot of business! War is also a huge political opportunity, allowing Bush, Cheney, and the politicians around them to prosper at the polls by pretending to be war heroes. (Think flight suit and "I'm a war president"; apparently, that gets votes.) War in the Middle East serves the ideological ends of a certain subset of the New Right, and bizarrely enough, a certain (and influential) subset of the Religious Right, who believe that a general war in the Middle East is necessary to usher in the End Times and the Second Coming. Finally, of course, war serves another important political purpose: it provides a distraction as well as political cover for all the other initiatives the administration advances for destroying civil liberties, environmental protections, labor protections, and anything else the Republicans find inconvenient. It's easy to keep things secret in a war; it's easy to intimidate or silence political opposition in a war. For all these reasons, and for the reason that Bush will not be constrained by the necessity of having to run for another term, it's easy to predict another war.

Expect A Draft. The Selective Service System says it's not getting ready to institute a draft. Rather, it's "...prepared to manage a draft if and when the President and the Congress so direct." Well, that's not exactly a denial, and there are no denials coming out of Congress or the White House.

Our military is stretched really, really thin at the moment. There's no way we can handle another war, certainly not another occupation, without a lot more manpower. If North Korea attacks South Korea, or China invades Taiwan, or if the neocons get the next war they so desperately want, we will simply need more people in the military, and it's hard to see how they could get the bodies they need without a draft. We may not even be able to "stay the course" in Iraq without a draft.

When they do start up a draft, remember who gave it to you: Mister Rich Preppy Draft Dodger Himself, George Bush Junior.

More Recession. All these adventures, unfortunately, cost a lot of money, and we didn't even have the money to pay for the mess in Iraq. Bush had already turned a monster surplus into a monster deficit with his tax cuts for his friends. (Later on, in a perfect example of the kind of useful war can be, Bush would claim that the deficit had nothing to do with the tax cuts -- it was all because of al Qaeda!) Meanwhile, the real economy is sputtering, and there is every indicator that it's about to slump again. Don't expect Bush to help.

You don't need to be psychic to see what's coming. Just read the news. The next four years are going to be bad ones, unfortunately regardless of whether Bush has a second term. Bush has dug a hole for us that will take us a generation to get out of. But if he has a second term, the next four years will be a living hell for ordinary people. You've been warned.

A Shameful Gambit

When I was in college, I was a naive and somewhat obnoxious skeptic, agnostic, and freethinker, and I was all too happy to debate the Big Questions with anyone who could stand to listen. I was pretty upfront about it, though, and I really was interested in what other people had to say. (Hey, I was young, I was idealistic, and I was in college, which I foolishly thought had something to do with learning.)

Being open and receptive, I made the mistake of actually -- yes, I know now this was dumb and naive -- I actually invited some evangelical Christians into my apartment one weekend afternoon when they came knocking at my door. It only took one such experience for me to learn my lesson, though, because not only were they impervious to reason, not only were they so earnest, and so convinced of their righteousness, and so completely boring, but they were really, really hard to get rid of. They must have thought that I was waffling, on the edge, that maybe with a little more needling, they could get me to come over to their side, and then they could go home with another notch in their Bible or something. ("Another soul saved!" indeed.) I was really glad, and relieved, when they gave up, and the door finally, finally closed shut behind them.

The next Monday morning was perfectly ordinary -- until I checked my mailbox. On this day, I found a small envelope with my name and box number on it, and inside the envelope, there was a small plain card. And inside the card was a signed message from one of the evangelicals:

"Jesus knows about everything you've done, and he isn't ashamed of you."

Well, there you go. That's what I get.

"Jesus knows about everything you've done, and he isn't ashamed of you."

This card stands out in my memory as -- ironically -- the single most shameful gambit I have ever seen employed by evangelicals. They were trying to play any sense of shame I might possibly have, over anything I might have done -- even things nobody else knows about -- and exploit it. What secret sins could I have been hiding? Imagine your own here. Now imagine the effect a card like this has on someone who isn't very emotionally mature. Somebody like a repressed, naive college freshman. How many cards like this did they send out? I'll bet a few of them worked.

Of course I never responded to the card. I had a good, if bitter, laugh over it, and shelved it. I never actually saw the evangelicals again. I kept the card for a few years as a memento of sorts, but I don't have it any more. I'm awfully glad Jesus isn't ashamed of me, but these people ought to have been ashamed of themselves.

Please Do Not Dress Like the Unabomber



Here's a sign that's posted outside my bank. I've seen it now in front of several branches. It's obvious what they're trying to do, and I'm sympathetic, but why do they have to wrap the request in corporate mumble-mumble? "To ensure the safety of Fleet's customers ... " -- ? Obviously, this isn't an issue of the safety of Fleet's customers. If I'm wearing a pair of shades when I walk into a bank, I'm not threatening anybody's safety. They're just trying to make it easier to identify people on their security cameras. So I have a few questions for Fleet:

- Are they going to throw me out if I wear a hood into the bank?
- Do they expect that bank robbers or terrorists will remove hats, hoods, and/or shades before going in?
- Why not post this sign? It'll probably be about as effective:

To ensure the safety of Fleet's customers, we ask that you leave behind any handguns, rifles, shotguns, and bombs while inside the bank.
Thank you for your cooperation.

Let's Just Pack It In NOW

"I don't really see the point of continuing this marriage," I told my wife. "Marriage is clearly doomed now that a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage has failed in the Senate. Why don't we just cut our losses now and get divorced? I mean, it's only a matter of time before the gays destroy our marriage anyway. Let's just save everybody a whole lot of trouble."

"You're right," she said. "Before you know it, the institution of marriage will be ruined. Our personal commitment to each other means nothing in the face of the demands of people who are not like us to have the right to commit to each other. If we don't end our own marriage, they'll do it for us."

What the...?

Okay, this is really weird. Is it really an ad or is it a parody, or else WTF? I mean, does this make me want to eat Nutrigrain bars? No, but I guess it makes me want to link to the ad from my blog, so yeah ... I feel great.

404 Page Not Found - Trek Version

I was looking for suggestions for a good custom 404 page for the Playwrights' Platform site. I have a page which is fairly pedestrian, but I like this one a lot better.

I Don't Think That's Such A Good Idea, Davey...

I was in a novelty shop in New York when I noticed bendable Davey and Goliath toys; and I thought, "Wow! I remember Davey and Goliath!" This show was a staple of kid TV when I was little. Created by the great Art Clokey, the creator of the immortal Gumby, in the same slightly-creepy-but-nevertheless-compelling style of stop-motion claymation, Davey was explicitly commissioned by the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America as a way to promote Christian values to children. The show was absolutely harmless and wholesome, and when I was a kid, I watched it even though I didn't much like it (Mom and Dad had something to do with that). However, even then I was a little weirded out by the fact that Davey was getting moral advice from dog. Finding this toy reminded me that I'm still weirded out by that.

According to the box copy on the bendable toy, "Goliath [is] Davey's dog. ... When Goliath talks, only Davey can hear him. Goliath sometimes acts as Davey's conscience."

Actually, I'm pretty sure that Protestant theology rejects the idea that animals have souls or are capable of moral choice. Goliath, as an animal, does not have a soul, and is incapable of attaining heaven and eternal life. Goliath lives solely according to his instincts.

If Goliath doesn't have a soul, then how can he dispense moral advice to Davey? And why did the Lutheran Church create a promotional TV series so clearly opposed to their theology?

Ah, but Goliath isn't really talking, you say. Davey just hears Goliath's imaginary voice in his head.

OK, let's say that's true. Davey is just hearing imaginary voices. And those imaginary voices are coming from ... where?
(A) God?
(B) The Devil?
(C) Davey's deep inner psychosis?

Either Goliath stands in contradiction to the church's theology, or Davey is a psychotic. Neither alternative really speaks well about the program's relationship with its sponsor, the ELCA. However, after letting the program lapse for a few years, the ELCA has decided to bring it back and promote it heavily. Hence the new toys, and new commercial partnerships, including a Mountain Dew commercial, because Jesus wants you to drink more caffeine-laced sugar water. Or Davey wants to, and rationalizes it by saying the dog (Which is GOD spelled backwards!) told him to.

And, of course, the toys are made in China. That's because, as you know, Christ taught us that sweatshop labor at starvation wages under an oppressive, dictatorial regime is Good. The dog definitely understands that.

Remembering Ronnie Ray Gun

Now that a respectful amount of time has past since they buried poor old Ronald Reagan's body, maybe it's a good time to push back against the crass and opportunistic hero-worship and grandstanding that took the place of any serious, substantive reflection. Might I mention now that he was actually a pretty lousy president? Now that the credits have finally rolled on Ronnie's body, it's time to call bullshit on some of the stupid ideas that have been floated as to what might be a proper memorial. I was listening to the radio a few days ago, and I heard the repulsive troll Grover Norquist say that Reagan was the greatest President of the 20th century, and that he belonged on Mount Rushmore.

What???

Mount Rushmore?

Can you imagine that?

What the hell gives Norquist the idea that Reagan is in the same class as Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt?

Can you imagine George Washington secretly selling arms to Iran? And then lying to the American people about it?

Can you imagine Thomas Jefferson secretly funding terrorists and death squads in Nicaragua and El Salvador from the proceeds of that sale, in direct defiance of the expressed will of Congress? And then lying about who was really responsible for the whole mess?

Can you imagine Abraham Lincoln supporting the brutal apartheid regime of South Africa? And the thug Jonas Savimbi?

Can you imagine Teddy Roosevelt claiming that trees cause air pollution? Or appointing the right-wing nutcase James Watt as the Secretary of the Interior?

Reagan did all these nutty, stupid, evil things, and so much, much more.

I think it's instructive to ask ourselves, what would a Mount Rushmore President do about Saddam Hussein? When Saddam Hussein used chemical weapons on his own people, Reagan thought that was just fine. Reagan even pressured Congress to do nothing about it.

What would a Mount Rushmore President do when our Salvadoran "allies" brutally rape American nuns? What did Reagan do? Nothing, that's what.

Is that really the kind of hero we put on Mount Rushmore?

As part of the obligatory GOP bestowal of godhead upon Reagan, Grover Norquist said on the radio that every state, and each of the 3000+ counties in the United States, should put up some sort of monument to Ronald Reagan. OK, I'm good with that. Maybe we can find 3000+ prisons to name after him. Maybe we can find 3000+ brownfields to name after him.

I personally think the best idea, though, is to name our national debt after him. Our hero, you may remember (or maybe you don't), campaigned for President in 1980 on a platform of eliminating the federal budget deficit. Once in office, though, he proceeded to rack up budget deficits like no other president in history (until George W. Bush came into office, that is). In fact, Ronald Reagan never even sent a balanced budget to Congress.

Therefore, I propose that we rename the current federal debt to The Ronald Reagan Memorial National Debt. It's his lasting achievement and greatest legacy, after all, and it will be with us for a long, long time to come.

Meanwhile, 100 Km Up...

... Space Ship One has become the first private vehicle to fly into space. This is very exciting news. I have always had faith that space travel would someday become practical and affordable; that day seems a little closer now. I may actually live to see it. Imagine that!

I Feel So Hollywood Today

Today is the first day of shooting for Hack the Vote, the short film that Yellow Taxi Productions is making based on my play of the same title. I wrote the screenplay for the film. They've assembled an impressive roster of people to make the film, and I'm very excited to see the finished product. This will be the first film I have written; hopefully, it won't be the last!

Current Electoral Vote Predictor 2004

The Electoral Vote Predictor 2004 is a good place to keep track of the current Presidential horse race. Check it out!

The Monday After the Festival

The Playwrights' Platform Summer Festival is finally over. <sigh of relief/> I have been deeply involved in producing this festival, while also working to salvage my own play's production (as part of the festival), which had stalled with the loss of the director and two out of three actors. Between these two commitments, not to mention keeping my day job, the last couple of weeks leading up to the production have been extremely stressful. Fortunately, it all worked out in the end. We had a really good turnout, it was a very good set of performances, and the audience enjoyed themselves tremendously. On a more personal note, my play Hack the Vote was successfully staffed and rehearsed (in about four days!!), and it tied with Geralyn Horton's play Speed Dating With a Divorce Lawyer for the Playwrights' Choice Award... and I didn't even vote (honest).