Last night, I received the usual barrage of coupons I am frequently assaulted with, including offers from dentists which make me wonder about practitioners who actually need to advertise. Most dentists I'm familar with seem to already be scheduling appointments for the next millenium.
To get back to the point, nestled in this waste of paper, I came across a really exciting contest. If I fill out the form. And send it in. And if my name is selected. And if I am the LUCKY GRAND PRIZE WINNER. Do you want know what I get? Well, I'll tell you anyway, because frankly I am pretty gosh darn excited about this.
Ready?
You're not going to faint?
Well, the super-duper, life-fulfilling, mind-bogglingly innovative and thrilling grand prize is:
$1000 LOTTERY TICKETS!!!!!!
WHOO-HOOO!!!!!
Why, with that many tickets, I'm BOUND to win.
No more eating raspberry Yoplait yoghurt EVERY DAY at work in hopes of spooning my way to that elusive $50,000 cash prize.
No more fervent filling-out of Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes forms.
No more floors covered with the silvery leavings of scratch cards from fast-food joints.
Nosiree, with those 1,000 tickets in my hand, I am GUARANTEED a life of luxury and indolence.