I just received this month's copy of "Vitality Digest," a perky publication distributed at corporations containing advice on diet, exercise, organizing those pesky out-of-control files, personal pep talks, mental and spiritual health, eating low-fat at a fast food restaurant, warning signs that your co-worker may go postal, and a whole host of additional topics vital to the day-to-day life of the average American worker.
"Vitality Digest" also features lists of useful and informative facts and statistics including: "One in five hospital beds is occupied by a person with a broken hip"; "Sniffing lavender oil before bedtime helped insomniacs sleep better"; "Eating a papaya can help heal a black eye." Thanks to "Vitality Digest," I now know that if I ever make a career shift, I want to be the person who makes up study topics - which brand of toothpaste is more likely to be arousing to someone watching another person brush his/her teeth?, on which day of the week are you most likely to spill something on yourself?, what percentage of dog owners call their dog Butch? Spot? Blackie?, what smell is most reassuring to people giving blood?.
This most recent edition of "VD" listed the top 10 names for baby girls in the United States. To my horror, Samantha was number 3. After years of congratulating myself on my narrow escape from being named Jennifer (in my eighth grade class of 26, 3 girls were named Jennifer), my delusions of differentness were shattered by this harsh, unfeeling statistic. Previously, the name belonged only to a scattered few - and Cocker Spaniels. Now, insensitive parents have unleashed hordes of them on the world. Samanthas will be more common than roaches, but excite less comment. No-one will ever again tell me I have an unusual name. On the other hand, people might actually start spelling it right. For reasons far beyond my ken, a number of people insist on spelling my name Samatha. Of course, if I listen to myself objectively, this is how I pronounce it (that "n" is deuced hard to articulate). Still, who ever heard of anyone named Samatha? And this is completely overlooking the people who call me Amanda (the number 8 name).
If you, or anyone you know, has a daughter named Samantha under the age of 10, I would ask that you or the parent (as applicable) please change the child's name out of courtesy to me. If you insist on a popular name, either Emily, Ashley, Sarah, Jessica, Taylor, Megan, Amanda, Hannah, or Elizabeth would be acceptable.