Subject: Re: New patent: AGING DRUG for world prison systems From: Matt McIrvin <mmcirvin@world.std.com> Date: Sat, 21 Feb 1998 20:40:00 GMT
Maelstrom <maelstrom@deathsdoor.com> wrote:
Speaking of X-ray glasses I was talking to a guy with a REAL PHYSICS DIPLOMA and I mentioned something about magic X-ray glasses and he actually thought about it for 15 seconds beofre saying "No I can't see how that's possible".
Nonsense! I have THREE physics diplomas and look what I just designed!
*** MAGIC XXX-RAY SPEXX! ***
_____________________________________
/ __________________________________ \
| | | |
| | | |
_| |_ | |
/ \ | |
helmet-> / _____\ _| |_
| | | | <- fluoroscope ___/ \
~~~~|__/========| grid-> = | ~ <--- heated cathode
_|__ \ _\ | \__^---------- metal target
| | \ | \_____/
| | _|__|_
| | / \||
| | | YOU ||| <- lead apron
^
|
high-voltage DC power supply
(in massive backpack)
The car batteries in the backpack last for a full 45 seconds when completely charged. All you have to do is get your SEXXY subject of observation to walk between the fluoroscope and the snout of the emitter, and you might be able to peep at her bones! Woo woo!
--
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^
Physics, humor, Stanislaw Lem reviews: http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
Subject: Re: New patent: AGING DRUG for world prison systems From: Lance Olkovick <lolkovic@sfu.ca> Date: Mon, 23 Feb 1998 12:51:44 GMT
mmcirvin@world.std.com (Matt McIrvin) wrote:
Maelstrom <maelstrom@deathsdoor.com> wrote:
Speaking of X-ray glasses I was talking to a guy with a REAL PHYSICS DIPLOMA and I mentioned something about magic X-ray glasses and he actually thought about it for 15 seconds beofre saying "No I can't see how that's possible".
Nonsense! I have THREE physics diplomas and look what I just designed!
Dr. McIrvin,
Perhaps if you had FOUR physics diplomas (as I have), you would understand the gravity of patent infringement.
Your device:
[See above. -Ed.]
Compare to blueprint of Weed Whacker Corporation's patented device:
| *** SUPER-STRING 3000 NUCLEAR-POWERED HELMET-MOUNTED TRIMMER! *** | | _____________________________________ | / __________________________________ \ | | | | | | | | | | | _| |_ | | | / \ | | |helmet-> / _____\ _| |_ | | | | | <- safety glasses ___/ \ | ~~~~|__/======| equals sign-> = | ~ <--- blemish on plastic housing | _|__ \ _\ \__ ----------------- <-nine-dimensional | | | \ | \_____/ monofilament line | | | _|__|_ | | | / \|| | | | | YOU ||| <- rake handle | ^ | | | atomic power supply | (in massive lead-lined backpack)
Our attourney will be in touch, Dr. McIrvin.
We're seeking one million dollars compensation.
Yours truly,
Lance Olkovick (SCIENTIST!)
Director of Development of Diabolical Devices
-= Weed Whacker Corporation =-
Innovation in devices that whack things
|WordWrap-o-Meter! Your WordWrap is OFF | ON
^
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Make that two million bucks.
Subject: Re: New patent: AGING DRUG for world prison systems From: Joseph Michael Bay <jmbay@leland.Stanford.EDU> Date: 21 Feb 1998 20:44:26 -0800
mmcirvin@world.std.com (Matt McIrvin) writes:
*** MAGIC XXX-RAY SPEXX! ***
I felt I had to add an extra part.
> _____________________________________ < massive / __________________________________ \ > brain _| | | | < tumor-> / | | | | > | | |_ | | < \ \ | | >helmet-> / _____\ _| |_ < | | | | <- fluoroscope ___/ \ > ~~~~|__/========| grid-> = | ~ <--- heated cathode < _|__ \ _\ | \__^---------- metal target > | | \ | \_____/ < | | _|__|_ > | | / \|| < | | | YOU ||| <- lead apron > ^ < | > high-voltage DC power supply < (in massive backpack)
-- Joe Bay Leland Stanford Junior University "Bother," said Pooh, as he looked upon the visage of Cthulhu. Putting the "harm" in "Molecular Pharmacology" since 1998 Fairness and Accuracy In Reporting- http://www.fair.org/
Subject: Re: New patent: AGING DRUG for world prison systems From: "Sleepbot ZZ09.4" <dfoley@SPAM-FREE-sleepbot.com> Date: Fri, 27 Feb 1998 23:07:39 GMT
jmbay@leland.Stanford.EDU (Joseph Michael Bay) wrote:
I felt I had to add an extra part.
that's sweet, Mr. Bay (if that's really your real name), and i applaud your obvious efforting.
however, your technical astuteness is rampantly lacking in substance within the confines of implementing the (since corrected) diagramation which immediately follows this semicolon:
>> _____________________________________ >< cantalever / __________________________________ \ >> for _| | | | >< leibowitz->| | | | >> | | |_ | | >< \ \ | | >> focum-> / _____\ _| |_ >< | | | | <- vertical line ___/ \ >> ~~~~|__/========| glandometer -> = | ~ <--- frankenstein >< _|__ \ _\ | \___ | headphone >> | | \ | \_____/ device >< | | _|__|_ >> | | / \|| >< | | | JOE ||| <- republican cynicism >> | | |CITIZEN||| >< ^ >> | >< high-capacity N02 tank >> (fresh squeezed -- not from concentrate)
not to mention the lack of inclusion of details surrounding how the cat chases the mouse under the string which releases the bowling ball into the pan-fried noodles resulting in six brand new episodes of Team Knightrider.
(Caution: Shake Well. Remove SPAM-FREE cap prior to Reply.)
................................................................................ . Dan Foley XXXXXX@XXXXXXXX.XXX www.sleepbot.com ... Shall I? [ ]Yes [ ]Twice.
[Un-munged e-mail address modestly expurgated. You see, I Care. -Ed. ]