I recently learned that the genre I was parodying here is sometimes called "film blanc." That's cute.

Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: mmcirvin@world.std.com (Matt McIrvin)
Subject: Re: We come to party! Fiesta! let teh people scream "Pass the Duchy"
Date: Tue, 21 Sep 1999 01:31:05 GMT
Organization: The World @ Software Tool & Die

"Leo Sgouros" <lsgouro1@tampabay.rr.com> wrote:

New storm cam out of nowhere-which is only scaring me because some WEBTV fukkers knew about it first. God help tropical Storm detection now.

Oh yeah-tropical storm "Harvey"

[bad James Stewart impression]
You can only detect it if you really LIKE tropical storms, Mister Potter! Judy, Judy, Judy! Kiss my grits!

[Night sky speckled with stars. Two stars blink to indicate that they are talking to each other.]

STAR A

We've been looking into his case for quite some time. He won't stop doing the bad James Stewart impressions.

STAR B

Are the impressions themselves bad, or are they of James Stewart as a bad guy, such as in the Westerns he did in his later career?

STAR A

I'll ignore that.

STAR B

Maybe it's time to send in the locusts.

STAR A

Oh, you know the boss's line about forgiveness.
Turn the other cheek, that's all he's said for centuries.

STAR B

Yes, but what about the Super-H Bomb? And the way the Devil keeps climbing up out of his trapdoor and turning them into Yankees just for shopping at Walcott Appliances? The boss wiped them out and started over once already.

STAR A

If you ask me, getting Bill Cosby to build the ark was a mistake.

STAR B

Ever get the impression we're just here to kill screen time?

[Carousel music]

STAR A

It's that Dire Straits song!

[The soul of a deceased carny climbs up a stepladder and starts polishing STAR B with a rag.]

STAR B

Ow! Ow! Stop that!

[Lawyers for Andy Dick issue a cease and desist order on this line of comic development.]

[Lawyers for "The Simpsons" issue a cease and desist order on the above line.]

[Rick Griffiths issues a cease and desist order on complaining about evil lawyers as if they were the originators of the irresponsible and litigious society in which we live today.]

[THE DEVIL pops up to enliven the proceedings. Stock footage of flames surrounds his infernal visage.]

THE DEVIL

[in between gnawing on a chicken leg and licking fingers] Actually, I know a lot about irresponsible society. You know the saying... "Hell is other people"? Why don't you come down to Walcott Gated Communities and pick the society that YOU want to live in? I didn't want to say anything before, but you're bowling alone!

[He raises his right hand; above it shimmers a vision of tract housing.]

They're really affordable... and there's quite a selection! We've got everything from Rambling Ranch-Style to Neo-Urbanist. And the gates don't just keep the riffraff out... they keep YOU IN, snug as a bug! You can check out any time you like, but you'll never want to leave!

Check out Walcott Gated Communities today. But... [conspiratorially] don't mention who made you do it!

[The words DON'T MENTION THE DEVIL! blink below a route map of eastern Massachusetts, showing directions from 128 and Route 3 to what seems to be a large, previously unmapped cavern.]

-- 
Matt McIrvin    http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/