Subject: Re: Really Need Advice
From: mmcirvin@world.std.com (Matt McIrvin)
Date: 1996/12/22
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology

grifter@primenet.com ('Jesse Garon') wrote:

You caught me in one of my rare moments of not wanting to hit on somebody because she's got a really nice boyfriend whose posts are funny.

You forgot to mention that I was also the lead singer of "Loverboy." Now I'm working on my solo comeback!

(Removes shiny Members Only jacket and Ray-Bans, to reveal huge gold medallion, hairy chest and red vinyl shorts. Strobes go off on stage and computer-controlled lights swing in all directions. A stomping no-brainer of a rhythm gets pounded out from a deafeningly overamplified tape of guitar and drum machine.)

I post to Usenet every day
Fill cyberspace with POW-WUH!!!!
Everybody thinks I'm cool
Because I've got that POW-WUH!!!!
I'm the ANTIDOTE for BOREDOM, a
Convenience store of POW-WUH!!!!
I have a hairier chest than you
Because of all that POW-WUH!!!!

(A million idiotic voices yell the refrain:)
POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!!
POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!!

Nobody ever picks on me
They're scared of all my POW-WUH!!!!
Or steals the money for my lunch
I drive 'em off with POW-WUH!!!!
My gym teacher can't scare me
I triple him in POW-WUH!!!!
The bullies in the locker room
Start crying from my POW-WUH!!!!

(Fireworks explode at the rear of the stage:)
POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!!
POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!!

Whenever I walk in a room
The silence is from POW-WUH!!!!
Who cares if I can't drive a stick,
The other cars fear POW-WUH!!!!
My pimples don't repulse the babes,
'Cause they arise from POW-WUH!!!!
I don't even have to bathe
They only smell the POW-WUH!!!!

POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!!
POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!!
(singing and music stop, so audience can chant alone:)
POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!!
POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!! POW-WUH!!!!
(Enormous power chord, and heavy reverb on the big finish:)
POW-WUHWUHWUHWUHwuhwuhwuhwuhwuhwuh.

-- 
Matt McIrvin   <http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/>