Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: mmcirvin@world.std.com (Matt McIrvin)
Subject: Re: Questions for Kibo
Date: Mon, 2 Dec 1996 21:07:49 GMT

In article <57jm4k$uhu@news.gate.net>, casper@gate.net (Casper) wrote:

> 1. What were you doing when you dropped off of USENET?

He was starring in the Busby Berkeley musical classic,

Usenet Lullaby of 1937.

Let's watch!

[Enter CLASSY CHANTEUSE, in front of a pastorally painted curtain depicting the countryside of Shetland, with many SHEEP.]

CHANTEUSE

You kept your crap off misc.jobs.offered
And pledged your love to me;
Your netiquette's completely flawless,
Your posts thread topically--

KIBO

[pretending to be drunk in an ornately decorated box] WHERE'S ALL THE DAMES? GIVE US THE TOMATAS, YA LOUSY BUMS!

CHANTEUSE

Excuse me?

KIBO

Aw, get off the stage or I'll show ya my .sig! Ya sound like a sack fulla rec.org.mensa posters! [Teeters frighteningly close to the railing, then lurches over and shakes hands with the SNOOTY MATRON to his left.]

SNOOTY MATRON

[peering through lorgnette] Well, I never!

CHANTEUSE

Please stop interrupting my act!

KIBO

Ya call THAT an act? I'll show ya an act! [Materializes a dove and the ace of spades from his top hat, then suddenly stands on the railing of the box and sways terrifyingly over the theater audience. Gasps from the crowd.]

CHANTEUSE

I wish they never repealed Prohibition!

KIBO

They oughta prohibit the likes a you! [Shakes hands with SNOOTY MATRON again.] I can give these bums a better show 'n' you ever could!

CHANTEUSE

Why don't you come down on stage and prove it?

KIBO

I b'lieve I will! [Grabs a convenient hanging rope and swings Tarzan-like into the curtain, then slides down the curtain to stage level, collapsing in a heap.]

CHANTEUSE

Are you all right?

KIBO

PLEASE HELP ME LOOK FOR THE TIIIIIP!!!!!!!

[At the utterance of this familiar tagline, the audience suddenly realize who this "drunk" really is. Cataclysmic laughter and applause. Now KIBO and the CHANTEUSE start furiously tapdancing, arm in arm, grinning broadly. KIBO's legs almost reach his armpits in the big finish, after which they tap off stage left.]

[Enter a hundred DANCING GIRLS, kicking high and singing:]

DANCING GIRLS

     Downloooad a GIF of me
     I'll give you a packet-switched thrill
     We'll have fun together
     I'll cheer you up whether
     I'm in rubber or leather
     Or the al to geth er

     Downloooad a GIF of me
     I'm better than any of them
     I'm sending you "digital love" RIGHT NOW
     IYKWI
      YKWI
      YKWIM!!!!!!11

-- 
Matt McIrvin   <http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/>