Home Humor from a.r.k Matt McIrvin mmcirvin@world.std.com

Note: Helmut Lotti is a Belgian tenor who does a lot of TV specials on PBS. He's a fine singer but has an unfortunate tendency to fancy himself a lyricist as well, causing him to write painfully bad lyrics for things like the Grand March from "Aida." The following Usenet post eventually led to Sam and I using the Grand March from "Aida" as the recessional in our wedding.

Subject: Re: The Year 2k Problem
From: Matt McIrvin <mmcirvin@world.std.com>
Date: Wed, 18 Mar 1998 05:56:03 GMT
James "Kibo" Parry <kibo@world.std.com> wrote:
>                                       (begins twirling around)
>                                       EEEEEERASERS!  JUST WHAT I NEEEED!!

Right now I have this song going around in my head which is this thing I heard Helmut Lotti singing on PBS (it being Pledge Week) and Sam told me it was from "Aida." And it's been cycling there for days even though it has these really dumb lyrics that go something like

You will win
Every game you play
You can never lose
You will win
Don't ask why
You will win!

You will win!
Look at this studio!
Everything must go!
Valuable loot
Z-Brick and Pledge
Turtle Wax too!

Every prize
Exciting merchandise!
You can never lose!
You will win
All of the can
Dy in the world!

[At this point, it may help to imagine a triumphal procession of people waving giant King Tut heads, or something.]

You will win
Show them all who's boss!
Diagonal or across!
Makes me pissed
Sneaky, Sis
Try it again!

You will win
Every breath you take
Every smile you fake
Every cake
Out in the rain
Every steak!

Fake hair!
Cottony underwear!
A really scary bear!
Is it there?
Is it fair?
Does anyone care?

He asks a girl
If they can both sit in a chair
But he--

OK, I think I figured out how to get rid of it. Now if I can just stay away from Stravinsky's "Infernal Dance of Xena, Warrior Princess," I'm fine.

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Home Humor from a.r.k Matt McIrvin mmcirvin@world.std.com