Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: mmcirvin@world.std.com (Matt McIrvin)
Subject: Re: Right vs. left driving
Date: Thu, 6 Feb 1997 19:10:42 GMT

In article <32fed8a3.5095753@news.onramp.net>, eholmes@removethis.onramp.net (E.Holmes) wrote:

On Tue, 04 Feb 97 05:51:49 GMT, Bob.Hiebert@worldnet.att.net (Bob Hiebert) wrote:
Remind me never to take you out snark hunting. :-)

That, of course, is a literary reference. Can't get literary references? Watch

"The Magical Library"!

[A few chords waft out of a Casio keyboard. Animation of kids stepping into books and seeing castles and spaceships.]

SINGERS: What if you could step in a book
And see what there is to see?
A bright new world is waiting for you
At the Magical Library!

[BILLY walks into the Magical Library and meets the Magical Librarian, Mrs. SCRIBBLE.]

SCRIBBLE: Well, hello, Billy! Welcome to the library!
BILLY: Hi, Mrs. Scribble. I want to read something but I'm afraid the books will be too hard!
SCRIBBLE: Don't worry, Billy. This is a Magical Library. You can step right into the magical worlds of public domain works of literature. Incredible worlds of wonder are straight ahead!
BILLY: Then will I learn the meaning of courage?
SCRIBBLE: Yes, and a lot of other things too!

[SCRIBBLE picks a dusty volume off the shelf. It's entitled "Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn by Mark Twain" in big gold letters.]

SCRIBBLE: Here's a story that's all about courage. Step inside and you'll never be afraid again!

[Flexitron. Suddenly BILLY is on a raft with TOM SAWYER and HUCK FINN. They are wearing backwards baseball caps and tattered T-shirts.]

HUCK: Gee, Tom, I'm glad you rescued me from those slave merchants!
TOM: All in a day's work, Huck. It was lucky I did it just in time, too! They were about to make you read a BOOK!
TOM and HUCK: (in unison) Ewwwwwwwwwww!!
HUCK: Hey, who's that?
TOM: That's our friend, Billy! Hi, Billy!
BILLY: Where am I?
HUCK: On our raft! See? It's a really rad raft and it moves right over the water without sinking.
BILLY: So I don't have to be afraid of the water?
TOM: That's right, Billy! The logs keep it up because wood floats! It's a science fact.
BILLY: Woooowwww, I can learn a lot in books!

[Flexitron. BILLY is standing in the Magical Library again.]

BILLY: That was great, Mrs. Scribble! And I didn't even have to really read it! But I'm not sure that I have courage yet.
SCRIBBLE: But there's more in store for you, Billy. Here's another adventure story that is sure to teach you about courage. It's "The Turn of the Screw" by Henry James! [Removes a moldy volume labeled "Turn of the Screw" in silver letters.]
BILLY: Aw, how could turning a screw teach me about courage?
SCRIBBLE: You'll see!

[Flexitron. BILLY stands next to a MAN in greasy overalls, attempting to turn a screw in the side of a cardboard ROBOT.]

MAN: [grunting with effort] If I can't... turn this screw... I'll never get my robot to work!
BILLY: Here, let me help you!
MAN: How could you help me?
BILLY: We'll both grab the screwdriver and turn it at once. It's cooperation!
MAN: Okay, it's worth a try.

[They both strain at the screwdriver. After a few seconds, the screw turns. Then there is a closeup of the ROBOT's inert cardboard face.]

ROBOT

You! Have! Turned! The! Screw!

MAN and BILLY

[singing in unison]

We tried and tried to turn the screw
And tried and tried again
And then because we tried enough
We screwed the screw right in!

The robot now has come to life
The screw has done its thing
Oh what a lot of happiness
Cooperation brings!

[Flexitron. BILLY is back in the Magical Library.]

BILLY: Wow, Mrs. Scribble! That Henry James sure knew what he was talking about! Cooperation is the best thing ever!
SCRIBBLE: And that's only one of the many ways you'll find courage in books. It's easy if you can step right into them... in the Magical Library!

[End credits, with cheery synthesizer music.]

ANNOUNCER: If you'd like to read more about the adventures Billy has had today, read The Magical Library: The Foto-Book Junior Novelization by Coolidge Mercer and Nancy Wheedler, available at a drugstore near you!

-- 
My home page:     http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
Sci.physics FAQ:  http://math.ucr.edu/home/baez/physics/faq.html