Subject: Re: Thoughts about Jackson
From: Matt McIrvin <mmcirvin@world.std.com>
Date: Wed, 30 Jul 1997 17:46:14 GMT

Sean Smith <smthsen@bcvms.bc.edu> wrote:

In article <5rl008$829$3@newbabylon.rs.itd.umich.edu>, tomscud@umich.edu says...

Gardner Trask (trask@world.std.com) postulated:

Trick Question.The answer is: Industrial Light and Magic. Ross is a muppet.

I thought he was a CGI special effect (by Foundation Imaging).

No, no, no, no, it's "Matt LeBlanc" who is actually Matthew Perry duplicated through blue-screen effects. I explained this ages ago. His name is a dead giveaway.

Gard "foosball anyone" Trask

Oh, wait, scratch that. Reverse it.

You know, that phrase would sound a lot more convincing if you wore a top hat and a mischevious expression, and Jack Albertson was standing in front of you.

Why is everybody making callbacks to my old posts?????????? I feel all paranoid and stuff as if the world got taken over by stacks of oscilloscopes on

This Week's "Insight"!

JACK ALBERTSON

There was an old lady who swallowed a spider

GENE WILDER

That wriggled and wiggled and tickled inside her!

JACK ALBERTSON

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly

GENE WILDER

I don't know why she swallowed a fly!

BOTH

PERHAPS SHE'LL DIE!

[GENE WILDER lap-dissolves into a pile of oscilloscopes on a wheeled cart.]

PILE OF OSCILLOSCOPES

[quietly] shlurp. shlurp. boing.

VOICE

Now do you understand? We computers can replace anything... even Gene Wilder.

JACK ALBERTSON

But... it's you who don't understand! It may be able to sing... it may be able to look like Gene Wilder... but this machine can't possibly make a rainbow and cover it with dew! The candy man can, but you can't!

VOICE

Behold!

[JACK ALBERTSON is covered by a hail of Everlasting Gobstoppers from above.]

JACK ALBERTSON

Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Defocus, then lap dissolve to FATHER COOLIDGE MERCER in priest's garb. He has enormous sideburns and is wearing glasses with thick tortoise-shell frames. He's gained some weight in the twenty years since 1955, but seems in good spirits.]

MERCER

What is it that distinguishes machines from people? What is this thing that we call a soul, and can it be satisfied, can it receive joy, without the comfort of other souls?... Of course it can! Not even Gene Wilder is immune from the progress of Science.

Our story is fiction. It did not happen. Could it happen? Let us hope and pray that it will! The Technolatric Assembly of Electro-God awaits your attendance at our Sunday services. Founded by my grandfather, Arthur Mercer, the Technolatric Assembly brings a simple message of transcendence and salvation through this little black box.

[MERCER walks over to a simulated-wood-paneled electronic Salvation Amplifier and Love Biorhythm E-Tester, and grabs the conducting handles. LEDs blink on the black front panel, a needle starts to float, and a tiny, ribbon-wrapped scroll pops out of a slot.]

MERCER

I'm Father Coolidge Mercer, of the Mercerist Fathers of the Technolatric Assembly. I urge you to reflect on our story, and to tune in tomorrow at 4:49 AM for another installment of "Cybernetic Insight."

[The national anthem plays, and the station starts its broadcast day.]

-- 
Font-o-Meter!      Proportional  Monospaced
                                      ^
Physics, humor, Stanislaw Lem reviews: http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/