From: mcirvin@husc8.harvard.edu (Mcirvin)
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
Subject: Re: eeeee...
Date: 20 Nov 92 22:09:01 GMT

kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) writes:

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Had this been an actual Schwa Emergency, your screen would have displayed this article upside down. This was only a test.

                  -- K.

Are you preparing us for the horrible truth of what the MBTA REALLY plans to do with all that spare energy sitting around at Boston Edison? Are we going to be the victims of a massive Schwa Detonation? This could be the first experimental trial of Dr. Uhdwuhrd Tuhlluhr's SDI schwa laser! A low-yield nuclear device is surrounded by rods of corbomite crossbonded to fibers of endochronic thiotimoline. Upon detonation (well, actually slightly BEFORE detonation, because of the thiotimoline, which serves as an anticausal gamma absorber, thereby giving the assembly enough time to lase before the whole thing gets ripped apart by the blast) electrons are knocked from the schwa shells of most of the bozotium atoms in the corbomite; spontaneous schwa-ray emission in the bozotium soon triggers spontaneous emission in a chain reaction, vaporizing the corbomite and emitting intensities of up to 10^50 schwas per millisteradian in a somewhat directional beam. The trick is to control the solid angle; in MIT Rad Lab tradition, the dome of the Mother Church would be a fine target for directional schwaificiation except that skyscrapers are in the way, so the beacon on the old John Hancock building would probably serve better. A successful trial would change the color of the beacon from blue/red to a continuously flashing display of the fourth primary color, schween, which has never been synthesized in large quantities before. This aspect alone would be of considerable scientific interest. The danger is the remote possibility of setting up a chain schwa reaction in the atmosphere, converting it completely to a hostile mixture of nuhtruhguhn, uhxuhguhn and assorted trace guhses. Humanity would survive, but would be severely vowel-impaired. I'd suggest further study before the MBTA tries anything reckless.

-- 
Matt McIrvin