Subject: Re: A Man's Experiences With The Space People.
From: Matt McIrvin <mmcirvin@world.std.com>
Date: Tue, 20 Jan 1998 01:56:39 GMT
Thomas R Scudder <tomscud@umich.edu> wrote:
> Good lord. X
> X X
> They're breeding. X
601!
601!
603!
603e!
604!
G3 750! The earth shall be overrun with multiplying X's with
scant market share!
AND NOW, ANOTHER MAN'S TERRIFYING EXPERIENCES WITH THE SPACE
PEOPLE:
19 Jan 2034
At the ET assembly, figure 8 orbit, Earth-Moon L2.
The aliens seem friendly and cooperative,
have established N2O2 atmosphere in the
section adjoining my tug, but still refuse to show me what they
look like.
Will not tell me how they cracked the human visual cortex.
Instruments show no detectable EM or chemical interference, if I
can trust my eyes when looking at the instruments. The
first-contact reps all still look like my dad, sound like him too.
Have told them as politely as I can to cut it out. They politely
refuse, say this is important for some reason.
20 Jan 2034
No real progress. They seemed to be mulling over my repeated
requests ship-time AM, finally reached some kind of breakthrough
and let me back into the breathable-air compartment. Brought
multiple microcams, hexaphonic audio, GC-mass spec., remote
flash-MRI, cold neutron spectrometer, NaI scint., bioassay. Spent
whole morning hauling them through the tunnel.
No dice. My dad's skin split from head to crotch and what came
out looked like a bald glowing angel. Give me a break. Instruments
revealed nothing of consequence.
Complained, more vociferously this time. Aliens insist that,
provided we insist on the program of face-to-face meetings, we are
not sufficiently mature as a species to deal with their actual
appearance. I explained at length that I'm scientifically trained,
open-minded, went to college, don't appreciate transparent God
Gambit, realize BEMs are people too, etc., etc. They stand
firm.
21 Jan 2034
More of the "maturity" speech, this time from what seems to be a
high-level administrator. I think I'm pushing slowly through proper
channels. Hard to tell given that I've only got access to this
little bubble within the assembly. God only knows what they could
be doing back there.
Anyway, I can't believe that there's nothing more to their
reluctance to show themselves. It isn't as if I've just come down
from the trees. I'm a rationalist. I don't scare easily. They
acknowledge these things but don't budge an inch. They all look
like angels now.
22 Jan 2034
Now see the aliens' point. Have come to compromise. Recommend
further contact via remote video until we can figure our next
move.
I acted sufficiently hysterically to prompt a special order from
higher-ups who never visit my bubble, or so it seems from reading
between the lines. Contact reps seemed annoyed, resigned. Many
apologies in advance. I had no clue what they were talking about.
Tried to act reassuring. Said we weren't superstitious, xenophobic
monkeys. And so on.
And so the blocks were removed from my visual and auditory
perception. The aliens look like large, hairy fists which fly at me
rapidly at irregular intervals of five to eight seconds, stopping
just short of my nose. Their utterances, in their native languages,
sound like voices shouting "Think fast!" "Is this bugging you?" and
"Cry, baby! Cry!" in a dozen major Earth languages.
When I return to base I will request a long vacation.
--
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Physics, humor, Stanislaw Lem reviews: http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/