Subject: Re: My neighborhood
From: Matt McIrvin <mmcirvin@world.std.com>
Date: Mon, 22 Sep 1997 17:46:32 GMT

Paul L. Kelly <zymurge_ululating_antihistamine@mindspring.com> wrote:

Outtatune@nowhere.com (Outtatune) attempted to infuriate me by saying:

Yeah... I wear my curlers when I go out ot eat at Waffle House, I snore like a freight-train, I peel my toenails in public. On the other hand, I seduce men for their intellectualism and for having really cool eyes. I've worn one to a complete frazzle and the other is in residence at GMHI.

You should go to Nashville. They have country song writers there who would kill for that material.

They all call me trash, but they love to take me out. <g>

Nice hook. I am SURE you have a future in country music.

Whenever I eat at Waffle House
There's curlers in my hair
I peel my toenails in the street
And drop them everywhere
My one true love's in residence
My other's out of town
I don't think he could handle me
I really wore him down

These big-brained men
I love to make 'em pout:
They aaalll caaalll me trash
But they love to take me out!

By the way neighbor, we're moving because we really think its disgusting the way you chase your wife around the house with the egg-beater.... naked..... with all the windows open..... we just don't want to live in a neighborhood with people like you. I had almost decided to creep in your window and hack you to death with an axe when I remembered -- you borrowed it last week.

Come to think of it, THIS would work in a country song, too.

My next-door neighbor and his wife
Go runnin' 'round the house
He cranks that old egg-beater 'round
And waves it at his spouse
It's so much noise, it scares my dog
It durn near wakes the dead
I'd end the whole thing with my axe
But it's somewhere in his shed!

They saaay I'm nuts
One they could do without
They aaalll caaalll me trash
But they love to take me out!

S'alright, there's a structural deficiency in the handle and a nick in the blade. The nick in the blade isn't a big deal -- but when the police ask, make sure you tell them I did that while chopping down the tree in the side yard. No need to relate the unfortunate accident with the Greenpeace worker who was chained to it at the time. You know how these things happen.

"And here's Lisa-Jane Outatune with her new country hit, 'We Kilt a Greenpeace Freak, but Daddy Shot 'im."

We kilt ourselfs a Greenpeace freak
We cut him down to size
I tried to get him off that tree
I thought he had cool eyes
He said hell no, he wouldn't go
He hugged the tree and spit
I thought that he was kinda cute
But I guess he had to split

For fifteeeen to life
I'll bang the bars and shout
They aaalll caaalll me trash
I just hope they'll let me out!

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