Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: mmcirvin@world.std.com (Matt McIrvin)
Subject: The making of _Clutch Cargo: The Motion Picture_
Date: Sun, 3 Jan 1999 19:06:20 GMT
Organization: The World @ Software Tool & Die
X-Newsreader: MT-NewsWatcher 2.4.4

BRICK NEWTON

Hello from Information Brain Central at the fabulous Happy Studios Theme Park, and welcome to Fabu-Tainment News Flash, your information source for hot flashes about the fabulous entertainment of today! I'm Brick Newton.

SISSY ROSEHEART

And I'm Sissy Roseheart.

BRICK NEWTON

Today we'll be entering the secret world of Hollywood movie magic, as Fabu-Tainment News gives you the exclusive scoop on the making of Happy Studios' next blockbuster, Clutch Cargo: The Motion Picture. Our correspondent Tanya Fleck is on location at Happy Studios' Magication Laboratory!

[TANYA FLECK stands in front of a computer rendering of the Magication Laboratory.]

TANYA FLECK

Thanks, Brick, Sissy. This building looks like an ordinary movie special effects studio. The unsuspecting visitor would have no clue of the amazing Magication that occurs inside. But let's take a look!

[The Magication Laboratory flies apart into tiny pieces that engulf TANYA FLECK as a harp glissando plays. Lap dissolve to the interior of the Magication Laboratory. CHARLIE SHEEN sits surrounded by white-coated technicians who are covering him with a whitish paste.]

TANYA FLECK

[voiceover] Here in top-secret room 51-B of the Magication Laboratory, Hollywood star Charlie Sheen prepares for his starring role as the on-screen face of the beloved Clutch Cargo. Charlie didn't seem bothered by the hours of extensive preparation necessary for the role!

CHARLIE SHEEN

[as the technicians slather the goop all over his face]
Clutch Cargo was my hero when I was a kid. I'm just happy to mmmph mph mph mph.

TANYA FLECK

[VO, over file footage of "Clutch Cargo"] The original "Clutch Cargo" was made using a revolutionary animation technique known as "Synchrovox," in which the lips of live actors were superimposed on the immobile faces of beloved cartoon heroes.

[Several bearded, flannel-wearing geeks scribble diagrams on a large piece of paper.]

The Magication wizards of Happy Studios spent five years of intense technical development to bring the magic of Synchrovox to the live-action big screen.

[CHARLIE SHEEN stands motionless; the paste has hardened into something resembling clear acrylic. The white-coated technicians are painting his lips bright blue.]

The actors of Clutch Cargo: The Motion Picture are immobilized by a transparent, perfectly rigid shell, while their lip movements are supplied by a combination of blue-screen mattes, motion-control photography, and the movie magic of digital computer rendering.

[FRANK WELKER, CHARLES FLEISCHER, WILLIAM SHATNER, and JULIE KAVNER, wearing bulging headphones, sit in a room with beige pegboard walls reading scripts into a gigantic hanging microphone.]

WILLIAM SHATNER

No!don't... push... that button!

JULIE KAVNER

Why shouldn't I blow up your pathetic planet, pinkboy?

TANYA FLECK

Hollywood voice veterans provided memorable voice characterizations of Clutch Cargo, as well as brand-new characters Dastardya Fatale, Starrly Goofbong, and the lovable Boinky the Magic Squirrelfish.

CHARLES FLEISCHER

Gee willikers, what are we gonna do??!

FRANK WELKER

Bwerrrrrrr.... SHPOONK! Boinky scared! Boinky scared!

[ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER and DON KNOTTS, wearing dark red goggles, have their mouths illuminated by brilliant laser beams in a darkened warren, and translated into lip-shaped video traceries, digitally manipulated by EUGENE JARVIS.]

TANYA FLECK

Meanwhile, Happy Studio's Magicators were busy digitally scanning the lips that would speak those words on screen... including some surprisingly famous ones!

[JARVIS moves a complicated-looking, many-buttoned mouse to position SCHWARZENEGGER's lips, morphing in sync to the recorded voice of WILLIAM SHATNER, into position on the motionless video face of CHARLIE SHEEN. Wipe to a picture of hands riffling stacks of animation cels.]

TANYA FLECK

Finally, Happy Studio's crack team of Korean animators worked for 21 months to draw those familiar black outlines around the Clutch Cargo characters on every frame of the finished product. The result is almost indistinguishable from the original "Clutch Cargo" cartoons beloved of millions!

[One second of a finished scene. It looks like a "Clutch Cargo" cartoon. Then, back to Information Brain Central.]

BRICK NEWTON

Clutch Cargo: The Motion Picture stars Charlie Sheen, Tia Carrere, Kevin Bacon, and [chuckling] a special guest appearance by Adam Sandler!
It begins its boffo box-office run on February 18, 1999. For Fabu-Tainment News Flash, I'm Brick Newton.

SISSY ROSEHEART

And I'm Sissy Roseheart. See you at the movies!

-- 
Matt McIrvin    http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/