Author's note: This Usenet post was, as is the custom, constructed with absolutely no research about the actual Charles Brannock, who, strangely enough, seems not to have been an obsessive cult leader played by Roger Daltrey. My mistake.
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: Matt McIrvin <mmcirvin@world.std.com> Subject: Re: Kibology and all that Date: Mon, 25 Nov 2002 22:28:42 GMT Organization: Matt and Samantha's Festival of Japery
In article <3de1718d@dnews.tpgi.com.au>, "James McNeill" <james@heague.com.au> wrote:
Ay. Whilst stumbling around the net I came accross this newsgroup. At a glance I've noticed lots of nonsence, geekiness and other stuff i love. I've clearly come to the right place.
Nonetheless... What in Kibo's name is Kibology?
Kibology is what I converted to from the First Church of the Brannock Device. I remember it as if it were yesterday...
[Act V, scene III: Ext. Brannock Compound. BRANNOCK, both his stocking feet strapped to Brannock Devices identifying him as a 13 1/2 narrow, sits atop a fifty-foot mountain of shoes. A CROWD of worshipers approach the vast pile to the sound of sepulchral bass guitar. Finally BRANNOCK raises his right hand and sings:]
Now gather 'round you zombie folk
It's time to rest your feet
You've been ill-fitted for too long
Listen up and have a seat!
Now get out those Devices
And take off both your shoes
You'll measure your feet from now on
Just measure away those blues.
[The crowd does so, throwing their shoes on the mountain as BRANNOCK throws his arms toward heaven, beaming. But suddenly MATT McIRVIN emerges from the crowd and tosses down two Brannock Devices, which shatter picturesquely.]
NO!
I won't do it
I can't see it
I can't see what's the point-- why I'd shackle my soles
In clanking... metal... PRISOOOONNNS for my toes!!
I won't do it
I can't see it
I can't see what's the point of knowing all the time
How big my feet are when I can't wear shoes!!
No, I can't see the use!
[agitated] We won't do it
We can't see it
We can't see what's the point-- why we'd shackle our soles
In clanking metal prisons for our toes!
WAIT!
[rioting] We won't do it
We can't see it
We can't see what's the point of knowing all the time
How big our feet our when we can't wear shoes!
But--
No, we can't see the use!!!
[Music swells as they storm the mountain of discarded shoes, which collapes, burying many of them in a shoeslide. Pelted with heavy steel Brannock Devices, BRANNOCK finally lies bloody and alone, and softly sings his lullaby from act I:]
Why
Oh why
Do my shoes
Not fit?
Are my feet the wrong size
Or is there more to it?
If I measured my foot
From the toes to the heel
I could have my shoes made
So that they wouldn't feel
So bad...
[The face of a SPECTRAL ANN-MARGRET appears in the sky.]
ANN-MARGRET Don't be sad;
Just lead with your best foot
To the edge of your dream
And someday in comfort you'll be...
Just led with my best foot
To the edge of my dream
And someday in comfort I'll be...
[BRANNOCK dies.]
[SFX: baked beans rain from the sky.]
FIN
-- Matt McIrvin http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
Author's note: This Usenet post was, as is the custom, constructed with absolutely no research about the actual Charles Brannock, who, strangely enough, seems not to have been an obsessive cult leader played by Roger Daltrey. My mistake.