From:  mmcirvin@world.std.com
Date:   1998/08/12
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
Organization: The World, Public Access Internet, Brookline, MA

<flambo@my-dejanews.com> wrote:

I bet Sigourney Weaver would cut loose on her nabors once in a while.

[Control room of flying saucer. All is dark and quiet; then three cold-sleep chambers slowly open, one after another. JIM NABORS, SIGOURNEY WEAVER, and RUTH BUZZI emerge.]

JIM NABORS

Good morning, Fi!

RUTH BUZZI

Good morning, Fum!

[They run around the room in circles, waving their arms frantically and making "beep beep" sounds.]

SIGOURNEY WEAVER

[quietly] It's here... It's still here.
[Searches for the ship's handy flamethrower.]

RUTH BUZZI

Don't you push my buttons!

JIM NABORS

Weeelll, golllleeee, why not?

[JIM NABORS pushes RUTH BUZZI's Emotional Buttons. More "beep beep" sounds ensue.]

SIGOURNEY WEAVER

[hoisting the flamethrower]
Who is it? Which one of them?

JIM NABORS

[looking out porthole] Golllleeeeee, we're lost!
Wonder where our home planet is? That way?
[Points.]

RUTH BUZZI

No, that way! [Points in opposite direction.]

JIM NABORS

This way!

RUTH BUZZI

That way!

JIM NABORS

Gollllllllleeeeeee! I know! Let's ask Gloople,
the friendly slavering horror!

[RUTH BUZZI opens GLOOPLE's pet carrier under the kitchen counter. GLOOPLE leaps out, eats RUTH BUZZI with five of its hundred mouths, spits out a hair net, then heads for JIM NABORS. Suddenly GLOOPLE pauses with its slavering jaws inches from JIM NABORS' head, drooling methylcellulose goop all over the place, and starts to retreat to its pet carrier. SIGOURNEY WEAVER burns it down in mid-stride.]

SIGOURNEY WEAVER

It's you! It spared you... You've got one of them inside of you!

[JIM NABORS suddenly starts sweating what seems to be whole milk, and freaks out completely, contorting inhumanly while singing in a surprisingly rich baritone.]

SIGOURNEY WEAVER

EAT THIS, GOMER!

[She slices off JIM NABORS' head with a hacksaw, then carefully bolts it to the control panel for interrogation. Before she finishes, in frame #733,648, his headless body starts heaving, and BILLY BARTY bursts out of his chest covered in foam-rubber seaweed.]

BILLY BARTY

Boy, what a way to travel! [Laughtrack.]

[SIGOURNEY WEAVER puts on a spacesuit and opens the hatch. BILLY BARTY is sucked out into space.]

BILLY BARTY

I gotta get a new agennnnnnnnnnn n   n     n