Disappointment -- No soul? LO11804

Rol Fessenden (76234.3636@CompuServe.COM)
10 Jan 97 22:36:45 EST

Replying to LO11768 --

Sherri wonders why we cannot speak heart-to-heart in this forum.

Sometimes I wonder why as well.

At other times, though, I remember a lesson I learned well from Innovation
Associates (Rick's org, I believe), and it goes like this. Sit facing
another person. Say to that other person "I want..." followed by those
needs you most deeply feel. Peace of mind, good health, a loving spouse,
a healthy family, a challenging and meaningful job, and so forth. The
person facing you has one task. After statement of what you want, he or
she will say, "No, you can't have that." My advice to you is to actually
do this exercise, do not just sit there and try to imagine how it will
work or feel. Just go do it. Right now.

Every time I do this, the experience been one of anger, frustration,
disappointment, loss of energy, and loss of esteem. All these negative
feelings _despite_ the fact that the person saying "No" has absolutely no
influence over whether or not I will succeed in having any of these dearly
cherished things. The lesson for me? Beware the messages of the heart.
They are important, perhaps, but they may be misleading, and they can
cause serious harm if not watched carefully.

[Host's Note: Rol's description is accurate. This is the "Yes/No"
exercise which is part of the Leadership and Mastery program. the exercise
has a second segment in which the partner says "Yes" to everything you
want. Even though the partner obviously has no power to provide or deny,
the contrast in feelings produced is vivid. ...Rick]

To come at this question from another perspective, consider any hot spot
in the world, Ireland, Pakistan, Lebanon, the West Bank, Gaza, and so
forth. These people have suffered enormous wrongs. They have absorbed
huge pain. They have been treated unjustly, they have been hurt beyond
any allowable limits. And furthermore, if they continue to respond to
each other 'from the heart' they will continue to punish each other into
the foreseeable future. Their children will suffer and die, their
grand-children will suffer and die, and their great grand-children will
suffer and die, who knows where it will all end, and just how wonderful is
this speaking from the heart after all? If it were my dead grand-child,
the righteousness, the intensity, the wrathful beauty of my 'heart-felt'
anger might feel a little hollow.

It is also true that heart-speak is not bad at all, it is good, in
understanding what is going on within yourself. Sharing it with others as
a way of exposing yourself, learning from others, growing, strengthening,
and gaining resilience is a healthy thing to do. Hiding or ignoring the
heart is bad for your health.

Believing it is another matter.


Rol Fessenden LL Bean, Inc 76234,3636@compuserve.com

Learning-org -- An Internet Dialog on Learning Organizations For info: <rkarash@karash.com> -or- <http://world.std.com/~lo/>