Lessons on Learning LO10399

Dale Emery (72704.1550@CompuServe.COM)
09 Oct 96 18:03:55 EDT

Replying to LO10369 --

Jeff,

You wrote, "If we were to look at this phenomenon within a systems
framework, we might equate 'resisting' with activating a balancing loop.
What if we labelled this phenomenon 'balancing'?"

Ooooh, I like it! What a wonderful reframing! When I think about
someone's response as balancing, I immediately become curious about what
they are balancing.

There's an experiment I've done a few dozen times (and I also use it as an
exercise in some of my workshops on resistance). I stand facing someone,
with my hands in front of me, palms toward the other person. I ask the
other person to do the same, so that our palms are touching. Then I say,
"Now I'm going to push gently," and I push gently. Almost every time, the
other person pushes back.

In workshops, I have people pair up, and have one push on the other's
hands. Then I ask the "pushers" whether they got resistance. Most say
they did. I ask what form the resistance took, and they say, "The other
person pushed back."

I realize that by doing this exercise in a workshop on resistance, I'm
setting up a "resistance" frame which makes it more likely that people
will interpret pushing back as resistance. For a while I thought that
might be unfair of me, then I realized it's a wonderful illustration of
what happens if you have a "resistance" frame when you're trying to create
organizational change: you see resistance everywhere.

Next I ask the people who pushed back, "I didn't ask you to do anything in
particular, and you chose to push back. What was your reason for pushing
back?"

Here are some of the answers I've gotten:
- "I don't know."
- "Because you pushed me."
- "I didn't want you to push me over backward."
- "I thought you wanted me to."

Now it becomes clear that pushing back doesn't always mean the same thing,
so always thinking of it as "resistance" seems like a mistake. And once
you see the reasons for pushing back, it gets harder to interpret them as
resistance.

Let's see how your "balance" idea illuminates these responses.

"I don't know." I'm not sure what is being balanced in this case. It
seems clear that the person pushed back automatically.

"Because you pushed me." Hmmm. There seems to be a rule under here: When
pushed, push back. Again, I'm not sure what's being balanced, but it's a
little clearer to me that *something* is being balanced.

"I didn't want you to push me over backward." Okay, so what is being
balanced is the person's, um, balance. They are trying to remain
standing. Now, it is never my intention in these experiments to push
anyone over backward. So if they are "resisting" something, it is
something other than what I intended. "Balancing" is much more informative
than "resisting" here. How often are people responding to our
organizational changes by trying to balance something we aren't
threatening, or weren't aware we were threatening?

"I thought you wanted me to." Here, the other person is trying to
maintain (balance) something about their relationship with me by doing
what they thought I wanted. For me to interpret that as resistance would
be pretty silly, though I've done that from time to time as a change
agent. I propose a change, ask people what they think, then when they
help by telling me what they think, I receive their help (which I asked
for!) as "resistance." Silly me!

Great idea, Jeff. Thanks you!

Dale

--

Dale H. Emery | 27 Tall Pine Road Consultant | Berwick, ME 03901 Relationship and Communication | (207) 698-1650 For Successful Organizations | 72704.1550@compuserve.com

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