GaltJohn22@aol.com wrote:
> So, that leaves us with the phrases "self-serving" and "self-centered" -
> they seem to be used here as negative things - but what is intrinsically
> bad about serving one's own best interests?
A self-serving or self-centered attitutde may place us at odds with those
who can enrich our lives. I don't know if we exist independent of our
relationships. At IntegriVu, we theorized that man is a creature that
lives and breaths through relationships. We went on to theorize that there
are several different forms of relationships, but primarily two: Primary
Relationships and Supplemental Relationships.
A primary relationship is one that is life-long, and impacts whether we
will achieve what we believe we can. I'd include such relationships as
spouse, children, parents, siblings, and extremely close personal friends.
Supplemental relationships enhance the journey, and play an important role
in providing us with an environment in which we can both express ourselves
and learn from those we relate with. These include colleagues, friends,
neighbors, and others we interact with in the community.
Our tag line was "Life Leadership through Relationship Guidance."
We developed a model we called "The Identity Model," which was drawn as a
circle. The model when like this:
Identity -- our identity comes from the difference we make in the lives of
others. This gives meaning to our relationships, and validates who we
think we are (or, allows us to see how we need to change to become what we
want).
Meaning -- When others give meaning to their relationship with us, they
entrust us to make a difference in their lives. The difference they expect
to be made from the relationship defines what we call "expectations" which
need to be satisfied for the relationship to remain healthy.
Difference -- The difference we make in the lives of others encourages
moral behavior. When we satisfy the ethical expectations of others, we
make a moral difference.
Morality -- The morality of our relationships impacts our identity -- and
either increases or decreases our Sphere of Difference. As we expand and
solidify our Sphere of Difference our sense of identity is enhanced.
The main principle, here, is that we are a creature of relationships. Our
identity is not connected to ourselves, but, rather, to the difference we
make in the lives of others. What better way to validate who we think we
are?
And so it isn't "self-esteem" that I seek; rather, I seek to be
"esteemable" by others. It isn't "self-reliance" I aspire to; it is being
"reliable." Personally, I've found this philosophy to be very beneficial
to me. And, when I use the word "meaning" it is a special situation --
and, it implies a significant amount of trust in the relationship.+
NOTE: The Identity Model is a trademark of IntegriVu. The definitions of
the identity model are copyrighted by IntegriVu.
--Ben Compton bcompton@geocities.com
Learning-org -- An Internet Dialog on Learning Organizations For info: <rkarash@karash.com> -or- <http://world.std.com/~lo/>