Mary Apodaca writes
>
>On the Golden and Platinum rules:
>
>A marriage counselor told me it is closer to the Golden Rule to treat
>people (your mate, for example) as *they* want to be treated than to treat
>them as *you* want to be treated.
>
>So you "do unto others as you would have them to unto you"--that is, you
>treat them in a manner they consider fitting so that they will treat you
>in a manner you consider fitting.
I like to tell people that Golden Rule is not something you strive for,
but defines the nature of human relationships--we do to others as we would
have them do unto us, by definition, for good or ill. The Platinum Rule
may be just a self-conscious acknowledgment of this and an appreciation of
the importance of empathy and listening so our interactions are more
likely to generate good for both of us rather than problems.
There is a reason why I say the Golden Rule defines relationships. This
is because in every encounter with another person I am creating memories
in the mind of that person of this interaction. That person will use
those memories to guide his or her interaction with me in the future.
Another way of saying this is that I am constantly teaching others how I
want to be treated by the way I am treating them. So it seems a good idea
to ask the question of ourselves, how do we want this encounter to be
remembered? A good answer, it seems to me, is that I want it to be
remembered as a situation in which we both feel good about or at least
respectful of one another. And that we learned from one another, and so
on.
Finally, the value of self-awareness is not just knowing the above, but
also being able to respond to others, especially when we feel we are
treated badly, not in kind but in ways that reinforce constructive rather
than destructive relationships. The point of the Golden and Platinum
Rules, then, is not just to do good to others, but to realize that, from a
systems view, such behaviors represent enlightened self interest.
John Woods
jwoods@execpc.com
--John Woods <jwoods@execpc.com>
Learning-org -- An Internet Dialog on Learning Organizations For info: <rkarash@karash.com> -or- <http://world.std.com/~lo/>