>For whatever reasons, most of us learn how to
>NOT care, or to care in some situations and not in others. Some people
>learn the not-care lesson very well; others, more fortunate, refuse to
>learn the not-care lesson and insist on a more authentic way of being in
>spite of the "instruction" provided by a larger society.
I have found exploring the dynamics of learned leadership skills and
individual reactions to that leadership help to understand and deal with
the "Not-Caring" behavior.
Terri, the "Not Caring" idea fits into a dialogue and discussion that are
part of a set of workshops I facilitate on Leadership. The group explores
"experiencing" leadership as children and teenagers, and the implications
of that learning/experiencing of leadership (definitions) that each
carries into adulthood.
The groups I have worked with own and operate their own businesses. I ask
them two questions: What words do you use to describe yourself as a
leader?, and, Where do your living definitions/examples of leadership come
The lists of words and terms to describe leadership are almost always
descriptive of high quality leadership, a combination of status and
desires. The origins of action definitions (the majority of
owner/operators received no direct training in leadership) are in the
examples experienced in growing and being led by others. The leaders were
principally parents and teachers and for the most part the door knob
(decision) was on the otherside of the door. Being lead and learning
required "accomodating" others preferred styles. As long as the door knob
was inaccessible there was no choice but to "accomodate" to survive.
As adults with growing independence there is a resistance to
"accomodating" (gained access to the door knob). If an invitation is
extended to enter with skills and strengths, then all those learned
"accomodation" skills are brought forward and the adults will accomodate
and support the leadership styles and approaches of others.
When experiencing a control-directive (parent-teacher) style of
leadership, where often the pattern is Action-then-Invitation (or
Decision-then-Invitation-to-Participate), adults feel the door-knob
disappearing and loose interest in accomodating and hence become
Everyone knows how to "Not-Care". Those who don't want to practice the
"Not-Caring" usually walk away early, (usually the best and most skilled),
and practise their skills where they are invited and encouraged by those
using positive Participation-then-Decision style leadership skills.
The above is a synopsis of what I have learned and found validated
concerning the origins of "Not-Caring" from those who have participated
with me in the leadership workshops.
I hope this contributes somewhat to getting this issue into perspective.
-- Jim Campbell e-mail: CAMPBELL@upanet.uleth.ca 190 Oxford Rd. West Public Access Internet - via University of Lethbridge Net Lethbridge, Alberta Phone & Fax: (403) 381 3774 Canada T1K 4V4 Jim - ENTP Catherine - ENFJ
"Life-learning: creating new forms, and in turn not diminishing possibilities"
Learning-org -- An Internet Dialog on Learning Organizations For info: <firstname.lastname@example.org> -or- <http://world.std.com/~lo/>