Arrogance and Manipulation LO4216

Dave Birren, MB-5, 608-267-2442 (BIRRED@dnr.state.wi.us)
Wed, 13 Dec 1995 10:06 CST

Responding to Andrew Moreno in Learning Beyond the Paradigm LO4201

Andrew wrote earlier:

> Part of my job, as long
> as I can tolerate it, is to teach them how, indirectly, so that they think
> that they gained those insights themselves and so that we can create
> something sustainable.

and then clarified in LO4201:

>Some of you may think what I'm doing is a bit manipulative, but these
>types of safeguards abound on the Internet and they are a necessary part
>of functioning on the Internet.
>
>...
>
>The reason I have to do things indirectly is that usually people don't
>like being told directly what to do. They don't want to be coached,
>coddled, etc. So it's either do what I have to do indirectly or leave
>them alone meaning stopping all contact with them.

You bet this looks manipulative. Yes, you want people to have insights,
and you want people to think, as it says in the Tao Te Ching, "we did it
ourselves". But you have to start with the idea that you don't know any
more than they do; otherwise you're setting youself above them in some way
and closing yourself off to having insights of your own. If your
"customers" pick up the condescension that I'm sensing here, they will see
that their relationship with you is based not on trust but on inequality.
And lest you be offended, let me say that I'm coming from long experience
at being the condescending one, until the final brick hit me in the head
and I realized that I was stupider than I was smart. Only then did I have
a chance to begin to learn.

When IBM decided to survive by getting away from mainframes and meeting
customer needs, it first had to overcome the arrogance that characterized
"Big Blue". I recommend the same thing for anyone who thinks they know
what others are supposed to do, and I sincerely hope that this LO network
can serve as a forum for developing ways of doing that in the many
contexts in which we live and work.

Dave

--
David E. Birren                          Phone:   (608)267-2442
Wisconsin Dept. of Natural Resources     Fax:     (608)267-3579
Bureau of Management & Budget            E-mail:  birred@dnr.state.wi.us

"Our future is to be food - Wisdom's gift - for what comes after us." -- Saadi (Neil Douglas-Klotz)