For several years now, I have been working with the youth in my community and
at the same time learning an immense amount that I carry over to my
professional life. I coach basketball to 12 to 15 year old girls and have
found that maintaining their sense of pride and self esteem is paramount to a
successful team. Like most all coaches, I used to fight hard to be sure they
properly dribbled the ball, or blocked out for a rebound and I became very
frustrated when they would suddenly turn and go sit down on the bench. Without
a word, they would glare at me and give me that look that must mean I smell
awful.
Thanks to them, I have since learned a great deal. Last Sunday, as I was
observing a practice game, a girl suddenly walked off the court and left the
gym. I followed her out and asked what was wrong. She had been working with
another coach who was continuously telling her what she was not doing right (it
sounded familiar, I think I know whats coming). Never a positive word, never an
encouragement, just "no not that way, come on, do it right". She had enough.
She was trying to do things right. Why can't he see that? She began to blame
him for her ill feelings, for her reason to quit.
Like you pointed out in your posting, people tend to blame others for the state
of their environment. Here at our company, I hear people say "why can't
management do....."" why don't they ever.....", or "my performance is good but
it would be better if they ......". My response to the girl was simple. The
coach is trying to help you but he doesn't understand how you learn. You, on
the other hand, have the right to either let him bother you or, you can just
chose to not listen to him. Only you can let what he does, bother you. I don't
believe he will go out on the court and take the ball from you. Just try your
hardest to improve yourself. After all, that is what he wants too. Pick one
thing to concentrate on, do it right, smile about it, then add to it.
In business, we blame others. We like to share our visions but we we are not
receptive to other's. We each carry our own mental models into our decisions
and when we can't SELL our ideas, we blame others. Thank you for sharing your
article. It helped to answer questions relating to elements of empowering
others to excel and it help to reassure my thoughts on coaching.
-- Dave Reed (206)655-3245 M/S 11-04 Internet Address: dpr9989@kgv1.bems.boeing.com