Would like your comments on the applicability of these ideas in
implementing the learning organization theories, etc. There is much more
than what is in this article and would be interested in sharing the info
and writing with you. Also, would be interested in practical,
illustrative stories where the idea of personal responsibility and being
totally responsible has been put into practice. I'm aware of one such
place here in NC run totally by volunteers without pay and it makes those
working for money look ineffective by comparison.
Thank you,
Thomas White
trperson@aol.com
Where Does the Buck Stop?
Take a Look in the Mirror
Is there any doubt that the idea of "personal responsibility" is
coming of age? We read about it in such publications as Reader's Digest
and William J. Bennet's The Book of Virtues. We heard about it as one of
the goals of the Million Man March recently held in Washington, D.C.
President Clinton and Speaker Gingrich extol its virtues. Even with all
this attention, something appears to be lacking in our discussion and
understanding of this seemingly simple notion.
Evidence of lack of responsibility is all around us. It is
epidemic in our political, judicial, and social discourse of blame,
judgment and criticism-a sickness that seems pervasive in American
society, indeed the world. We only have to look at the daily news to find
many examples. The Menendez brothers blame their parents for their
behavior. Black rage, an abusive childhood, the riot mentality are all
used to excuse others who commit violent crimes. Racism (black, white,
brown, depending on your view) excuses us from being "all we can be." Even
one's adoption was used as an excuse (unsuccessfully) by one killer. Few
people believe they can succeed, no matter what their circumstances.
Lawyers aren't the only ones coming up with these excuses. The
medical and psychological/psychiatric communities are contributing their
share to this epidemic. Could it be that the cause of certain medical
conditions have more to do with the attitude of the patient than the
physical condition? Could many syndromes, from post traumatic stress
disorder to affluenza (a disorder having to do with the mishandling of
sudden wealth) be related to whether we assume personal responsibility for
our lives? Could these conditions possibly result from or be aggravated
by a lack of acceptance of personal responsibility for one's physical or
psychological state?
Most of us, at one time or another, have attempted to excuse the
behavior of a friend, spouse, or child with statements like
"He was hanging around with the wrong people."
"She really can't help it"
"We can expect only so much from people,"
"We can't expect a person in his condition to act any other way."
"With a childhood like that, anybody would be messed up."
We contribute to this epidemic, too.
We generally think of taking personal responsibility as being
clear and obvious-looking after our families, apologizing when we do
something wrong, or confessing and paying up or accepting our punishment
when we cause harm. Indeed, this is usually where the discussion of
personal responsibility ends.
Yet, in truth, the discussion only begins there. There is more
and it goes to the core of our being. Being totally responsible involves
accepting responsibility for every emotion, thought, and behavior that we
experience or have, no matter what the cause. This means that we can no
longer say "You hurt my feelings," "Look what you made me do," or "I want
an apology." It means that no matter what happens to us, blaming others
for our anger, hurts, fear or other emotional reaction, is no longer
possible. It means that we can no longer be victims, i.e., that we can no
longer blame our circumstances, other people, the system or fate for the
predicament in which we find ourselves whether they are economic
(poverty), physical (illness), psychological (some syndrome) or otherwise.
Much of what impacts our daily lives is not of our making. Whether we
choose to make the best of even those circumstances or let them "get to
us" defines whether we accept personal responsibility or remain victims.
We have many positive examples. Nelson Mandela, in prison, with
the help of his fellow prisoners, created what was essentially a
university to train the future leaders of South Africa. Part of the
appeal of Colin Powell may relate to his lack of victimhood exemplified by
his statement that "Racism is the other person's problem." Implicit in
such a statement is the idea that no matter what happens to us, whether we
are faced with discrimination, poverty or abusive parents, what we do with
the next and all succeeding moments is totally up to us and that no one
else can be rightly blamed for any hurts or abuses our emotional nature
experiences. We may have hurt feelings, but we know that they are our
creation, not caused by someone or some event outside ourselves.
Another example is Viktor Frankl, the Nazi concentration camp
survivor. In his book, Man's Search for Meaning, he describes the
horrible treatment he received while a prisoner during the war. He also
described how he dealt with it. At some point he recognized that his
guards could make his physical conditions horrible and life seemingly
unbearable, but that there was one thing that they couldn't take away from
him-his freedom to think and act as he chose. This awareness, and the
acceptance of total responsibility for how he created himself from that
day forward, resulted in his becoming an inspiration to his fellow
prisoners and even to his guards.
Persons of great accomplishment frequently exhibit accepting
personal responsibility. Nevertheless, ordinary people can inspire us,
too. Reginald Dinny, a truck driver, exhibited an extraordinary capacity
to pick up his life and move forward despite a devastating beating. On
the day of the Rodney King verdict in Los Angeles, he drove his truck into
an area of the city where there was rioting. Rioters pulled him out of
the cab and pummeled him with feet, fists, and bricks. Fortunately,
residents in the area rescued him before he was killed, but not before he
received permanent and disabling injuries. His daughter upon seeing him
in the hospital, called him Reginald "Dinty" as a result of how the blows
rearranged his face.
Despite having received this severe beating, for no reason other
than being in the wrong place at the wrong time, Dinny never once
exhibited a sense of rage, resentment, anger or revenge toward his
attackers. Remarkably, his response was the opposite-instant forgiveness
and compassion. Chastised by the audience on a talk show for his lack of
ill will toward his attackers, he said, "It has got to stop somewhere."
Powell, Mandela, Frankl, and Dinny (and many others) recognize
that "It has got to stop somewhere." They know intuitively what our
elders have told us-what goes around comes around. They know that for an
individual, or a civilization, to progress, a moment must occur when we
stop blaming, judging, criticizing, venting our anger, harboring
resentments and thoughts of revenge, and insisting that others apologize
and take responsibility for what they have done to us. They know, as a
panelist said on Meet the Press the day before the Million Man March, that
"the oil of blame and the water of responsibility don't mix." They know
that if we don't accept responsibility for every action we take and
negative emotion we have, that the out flowing anger, resentment, etc.
will continue to go around and come back to us creating more opportunities
to learn until we get the message. Like the hero in the movie Groundhog
Day, they know that we'll keep getting tested with opportunities until we
get it right, i.e., that the cycle of negative emotions must eventually
stop with us. They know that we must own every negative reaction,
externally and internally, and acknowledge that it is self-created. Only
full acceptance of this will change that negative emotional state to
something more creative and productive. Their lives illustrate that they
have done just that.
As Dolly Parton's character reminded us in the movie Straight
Talk, we must "Get off the cross, somebody may need the wood."
Copyright, 1995, W. Thomas White
-- TRPERSON@aol.com