Good examples of where this stuff all begins! I just want to encourage
you to stay with the cooperative approach as long as it works for you and
your daughter. The "competitive" approach will be absorbed without fail
from the culture, and you can take your cues from your daughter as to
which approach is more "learning-ful". A child with a strong sense of her
own capabilities and a sense of joy in life will be able to deal with
competition much more effectively than one who has "learned" to win or
Hey, maybe that is true for adults as well....
On Thu, 19 Oct 1995, BARB MURPHY wrote:
> I agree with Thomas Bertels that our aversion towards sharing information
> is learned.
> I have only one child to observe--my almost 6 year old daughter but she
> teaches me a lot of things. She has not learned yet that by sharing
> information with me that she is GIVING me power over her. When she
> reveals something to me that she has done I fight my inclination to say "I
> don't want to hear that you did that anymore." I fear that she will just
> stop telling me about it. I don't punish her or treat her statements as
> unwelcome because they are things about her that I want to know and want
> to talk to her about--opportunities for her to learn my standards and
> I believe that in business, when a manager says: "I don't want to hear
> that . . ." Guess what? He/she won't hear it anymore. We "willing
> workers" learn that lesson very quickly.
> Another lesson learned from observing my daughter try to play competitive
> games. She just can't lose--will cheat, change the rules, quit, anything
> to not lose. These games usually end in a fight. BUT, if I set the game
> up in cooperative way--where we help each other get points she will play
> very happily. My child development book says this is normal for her age.
> I wonder does she need to learn how to be competitive at the risk of
> losing this joy in cooperation?
> "BARB MURPHY" <B_MURPHY@ESB.swfpac.lmsc.lockheed.com>
-- Tobin Quereau email@example.com