Intimate words. A personal message. A love letter. An expression of affection for closest companions. The words we hear in today’s reading from the Gospel of John are those kinds of words. Jesus speaks them to his disciples the night of their final gathering together, which had already been an intimate evening. Before they reclined to eat, Jesus had bowed down before each of them and personally washed their feet. Then they had shared the Passover feast, and Jesus began to utter strange words about abandonment and betrayal. But now the disciples sat clean and refreshed, full of bread and wine, clustered around their beloved leader. Perhaps John himself, the Beloved Disciple, is reclining near Jesus’ chest. Jesus is speaking to them passionately, tenderly, intimately, knowing that this will be the last time he is surrounded by his friends. I imagine him looking them each in the eye, one by one, wanting them to see just how much he loves them.

What is he saying? How does he choose to sum up all that has been said so far, to convey the message of his life and teachings one last time? He doesn’t perform for them another miracle, tell one last parable, or even offer a strategic plan for the future. Instead, he chooses to speak of their friendship. The whole of his life and ministry, he says, can be understood in the love they share for one another. “As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you: abide in my love.” This, right now, this moment of love and intimacy between us in this room, this is what it’s all about, he says. Friendship—our friendship with one another. “You did not choose me, but I chose you.” I loved you before you loved me, I extended the hand of friendship and showed care and concern for you from the beginning. As our friendship developed, we have learned to rejoice in one another’s happiness: “I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.” We have shared confidences and plans with one another: “The servant does not know what the master is doing, but I … I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.” We have learned to trust one another, listen to one another, follow one another.  “You are my friends if you do what I command you”—and what I command is for you to love one another, to continue to live out the friendship we have begun here. If you remember nothing else, Jesus seems to say, if you remember nothing else about our life together, remember the love we shared as friends, and continue to live out that love with one another. “No greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” Which Jesus did that next morning on the cross.

Two thousand years later, this Memorial Day weekend, in parades and wreath-laying ceremonies, we will hear that same line of scripture quoted in remembering men and women who have died too young, too violently, in times of war. This year, with the U.S.-led wars in Iraq and Afghanistan there are fresh names to be remembered and honored on Memorial Day, additional families to mourn the loss of their children. There will no doubt be many who are honored with Jesus’ words: “No greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

Combat veterans from all different wars, on all different sides, tell similar stories of strong ties and friendships formed among their comrades. We have all heard stories of a brave soldier who throws himself on top of a grenade to protect his buddies from the explosion, or a courageous medic who charges into a hail of bullets to pull her wounded comrade to safety. I have always been fascinated by these stories—what would make someone do such a thing? What could provoke such courage and sacrifice?

I recently read an account in the Los Angeles Times about Operation Anaconda, a U.S. offensive action in the war in Afghanistan. The reporter started with an account of the colonel’s speech to the troops on the morning the operation began: “You will never forget this,” he said. “You will never forget that man or woman on your right or your left. You will never forget the fact that you stood here in Afghanistan.” The colonel then addressed the fear and anxiety of the young soldiers, most of whom had never seen combat, anxiety about how they would perform their duties under pressure. He assured them. “You will be good, because you will do it for each other.” As the day unfolded, Operation Anaconda did not go as smoothly as was expected, and one company ended up trapped and isolated on a mountain ridge. Within the first few minutes after the helicopter had dropped them off, they were under heavy fire and sustained several casualties, but it took 18 long hours for help to arrive and get them off the ridge. Of the 86 members of the company, 28 were wounded that day, but none were killed and none left behind. When they were interviewed about their experiences that day, their thoughts immediately turned to one another. Private Ricardo Miranda, age 20, was among the first wounded in the attack yet continued to help move other injured soldiers to a safer ground. Looking back, Miranda said, “I looked at my hand and body and said, ‘wow, I’ve got hit.’ But it hurt more to see my guys being hit. Living with these guys for so long is like building a brothership. We are a family. If one of us gets hit, it really hurts.” Major General Buster Hagenbeck summed it up when he said, “The soldiers that went in, they went in to get a buddy out. And we will always do that.”

The words of these contemporary soldiers have been echoed by veterans of many generations. When heroic figures like Pvt. Miranda are asked about their actions, they always seem to respond with something similar, like, “I wasn’t thinking about anything, except that those were my friends out there. I had to protect my buddies.” Courage, sacrifice, commitment—all begin in friendship, all begin in love. It’s that understanding that leads people to recite Jesus’ words this Memorial Day weekend, “No greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” Friendship and love are not weak human emotions, they are powerful forces that can move human beings to have great courage in difficult times. I’m sure Jesus had that in mind as he was speaking to his disciples on their final night together, reminding them of his love. But I also think he had something even bigger in mind when he spoke of the power of friendship and the command to love one another. Jesus envisioned something bigger than the mutual support and trust described by that colonel urging on his troops.

There is another famous story of camaraderie amid the violence of war—the renowned Christmas Truce of 1914. The First World War had been underway for just four months, and troops had dug in to a muddy, dark existence in underground trenches facing off all along the borders of France, Germany and Belgium, often separated by only a few yards of “No Man’s Land.” On Christmas Eve, the German troops had set up Christmas trees in their trenches, and had gathered around, lit candles, began to sing carols. The “enemy” British and French troops could here the onslaught of music, and decided to “retaliate” with a Christmas carol of their own. One eyewitness said, “First the Germans would sing one of their carols and then we would sing one of ours, until when we started up 'O Come All Ye Faithful' the Germans immediately joined in singing the same hymn to the Latin words 'Adeste Fidéles'. And I thought, well, this was really a most extraordinary thing—two nations both singing the same carol in the middle of a war.” Up and down the trench lines, similar things were happening. Soldiers began to stand up, unarmed, and make their way out into No Man’s Land. Men who had been trying to kill each other just hours before now sang carols, shared family photos, and exchanged food and gifts. Reports say the Germans had lots of beer and the English lots of chocolate. At one point along the trench lines, the two sides even played a soccer game.

This beautiful story of the unofficial truce that Christmas of 1914 has become legendary, and I’m sure many of you have heard of it before. But have you heard, or do you remember, the repercussions of this night? After several hours, or in some cases several days, building friendships with soldiers in the other trenches, many of the soldiers refused to shoot at them. They would deliberately misfire and aim away, or just not fight at all. Once the friendships had been made, the war no longer made sense. The high commands in Germany, France and Britain, immediately upon hearing of these Christmas festivities, issued strict orders. The British order came down: “Friendly intercourse with the enemy and the exchange of tobacco and other comforts, however tempting and occasionally amusing they may be, are absolutely prohibited.” In all three armies, after Christmas 1914, personal communication or fraternization with the enemy was deemed a treasonable offense, punishable by death. Loving one’s enemy is treason.

Friendship poses a grave danger to those who would make war, because friends do not like to take up arms against one another. Friendship refuses to dehumanize the enemy, the other. Consequently, friendship also poses a great hazard to all hatred, and it imperils oppression. When oppressed and oppressor begin to make friends, the abusive structure cannot hold for long. Friendship threatens all injustice, be it social or economic, because friends strive to treat one another with equality and dignity, which is the undoing of any unjust system. Friendship jeopardizes the power of war, loosens the stranglehold of oppression, weakens the entrenched systems of injustice, and threatens any inhumanity we might show want to one another as human beings.

So what was it that Jesus chose to emphasize with his disciples on the night before his own brutal death on the cross? Their friendship. I don’t believe it was because he saw friendship as some great political theory or social program—but he saw love and true friendship like he shared with his disciples as the seed of all he was trying to sow in his life and ministry. Friendship is the model Jesus gave for following greatest commandment: “To love one another as I have loved you,” and friendship was at the root of all Jesus’ actions—the breaking down of barriers between rich and poor, men and women, Jews and Gentiles that he practiced in his ministry; the love for enemies, strangers and outcasts he preached in his teachings; the sacrificial loving he showed in his death. Jesus simply befriended everyone, mirroring God’s love in human relationships. “As the Father loved me, so I have loved you: abide in my love.”

As Jesus’ followers today, we too are called to be about the business of friendship. We must build a spirit of friendship between one another within our own congregation, sharing our joys and our pains, supporting each other along life’s journey. We must build friendships with people outside the walls of this church. As we participate in outreach efforts through charitable giving or engagement in something like the Greater Boston Interfaith Organization, we should not be seeking to loosen poverty and injustice through principled effort, but through building meaningful, personal relationships that break down barriers and lead us to care more deeply and more intimately for more of our neighbors. And we must also find ways to make personal friendships across international boundaries, so that wars may cease and tyranny crumble.

Jesus chose to remind his disciples of friendship in his last gathering with them—because friendship is something within your grasp and mine, a power of love we can carry out in Jesus’ name. We must practice the kind of friendship Jesus practiced—not a self-serving desire to be liked, but the generous spirit of love for a friend, so that their pain is our pain, their joy is our joy. The kind of love that will sacrifice it all, just because I call you friend. That is what Jesus offers us; that is what we are to offer one another.

Let us pray.
God of love and life, thank you for sending us the greatest friend we have ever known in your Son Jesus Christ. Teach us to abide in your love by loving and befriending one another. Amen.

As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love.  If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.  I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.  No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.  You are my friends if you do what I command you.  I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.  You did not choose me but I chose you.  And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name.  I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another. . .”