Client: Codex Corporation

EASTERN REGION (new organization)

INTENSE, DRIVEN PERSON TALKING ON TELEPHONE: PICTURES OF DONALD TRUMP, GEORGE STEINBRENNER ON WALL; ASHTRAY FULL OF CIGARETTES

All right, ALL RIGHT!!!! Now this is the last time we're gonna be talkin' about this: you got one more chance, and that's it. What do you think I'm payin' you for?

LISTENS, BECKONS DENNIS (OUR LIVE SPEAKER) IN

You got that right, pal. Yeah. Yeah.

You don't think so? You watch me, see if I don't. Fine. All right, tell your mother I'll be home around eight. Let's have a big kissiepoo for your daddykins. Love you. Yo.

SLAMS PHONE DOWN, ROLLS UP SLEEVE, STRETCHES NECK MUSCLES, PUTS BLOOD PRESSURE CUFF ON HIS ARM

All right, let's keep this short, I got about four minutes, then I got a call to make.

PUMPS UP BLOOD PRESSURE CUFF, STARES AT IT, YELLS AT IT

What is this noise? Come on, get outta here with that already!

TEARS CUFF OFF, THROWS IT TO ONE SIDE

So: you want to know how the new org plan is working out? Let me give you an idea:

We had this meeting last week, right? Some of my guys come in, they're a little...confused...about the plan. I'm thinking, "Typical: couple a new titles, maybe some different people to report to and these guys freak out!"

I say to 'em, "Hey come on! What is this, like brain surgery, you can't figure a couple a little things out?" I say, "Show me the new chart, lemme explain it to you!"

TAKES CHART FROM BESIDE DESK: TOTALLY CHAOTIC MAP OF BOXES, ARROWS, ACRONYMS

This is what they show me! You got your SMM here reporting to the DAM there, which maybe sometimes hooks up to the AVP and NAM, but never forgets to contact an AE, right?

Denny, this isn't an org chart...this is an explosion in a spaghetti factory!!! What are we makin' here, modems or alphabet soup?

Look at this: see these boxes here? EMPTY!!! See these dotted lines here? WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN???

So they all start talkin' at once, right? "Who's on my team? An SMM? An NAM? If I got a multi-city account, who handles it? Where's sales??? WHAT'S sales!!!"

I say, "Guys...give me a couple a minutes, let me sort this thing out."

TAKES CIGARETTE OUT, LOOKS AT IT, BREAKS IT IN HALF AND THROWS IT ASIDE

So I get on the horn. Cool, calm. Call up Bob at Headquarters, cause Bob's the guy always handles this stuff. Get put on hold. Wait, maybe, I dunno, an hour, two hours. Finally, Bob comes on the line.

To see more of this script, click here.

To return to Bruce Mays Writes, click here.