Key #1: The Primary Purpose of Religion.

Yea,
Though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil:
For thou art with me;

from Psalm 23 of the Bible or the Old Testament

To get deeper into this Primary Purpose of Religion, I would now like to tell you a little more about walking the plank: The desperate minutes during purgation, when I was in danger of panic, a nervous breakdown, etc. Those were the crucial ten minutes of my life. With the profound help of the Divine I made it through those crucial ten minutes when the first knot in my heart was being released. The knots in my heart were caused by my childhood trauma. Walking the plank takes place when the first knot of the trauma is being released. All traumas are eventually released. Once my religious preparedness was able to deal with the first knot, my heart and my imagination were then more able to deal with the entire 10 hour release of the dozen or so knots in my heart during the release of my trauma. With the profound help of the Lord I made it through in one piece.

Then sings my soul, my savior God to thee: How great thou art, how great thou art.
(from a favorite Gospel song of the Christians)

A. In order to go deeper into the Primary Purpose of Religion, first let me introduce you to the following phrases: "Walking the razor's edge" or "walking the plank" or walking the way that is said to be "straight is the gate and narrow is the way which leadeth unto life...."

1. From the Hindus: To walk the razor's edge...

   "Like the sharp edge of a razor is that path,
   difficult to tread and hard to cross."
   Katha Upanishad: 3:14.

2. From the Christians: Straight is the gate and narrow is the way..

   "Enter ye in at the straight gate: for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:
   Because straight is the gate and narrow is the way which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."
   Matthew 7:13-14.

3. From that Saturday matinee movie, when I was somewhere between 6 and 13 years old. As I recall, the movie was about the life of a young seaman on a 19th century sailing ship, whose ship encounters the dreaded pirates. The movie was being shown over at that 52nd and Lyndale theatre in Minneapolis, sometime between 1938-1945: To walk the plank.

B. Now, let me introduce you to the dynamics of my religious experience, using system dynamics simulations:

Figure 1: Simulation of my entire 16 hour religious experience.

Listed below is a more detailed description of what was going on during my religious experience, simulated in Figure 1 above.
(The timetable for my entire 16 hour religious experience, given below, is even further detailed in the narration at The Heart Begins to Open section of Chapter 1. Please note that the simulations of the #3 and #4 PsychicStress variables are not accurate between the 555 minute mark and the 617 minute mark. That is because the release of the knots in my heart were happening too fast to be simulated accurately when the simulation covers a 960 minute period: For example, at times knots were being released every 30 or 60 seconds during that period. Figure 3 below corrects that problem: It presents more detailed and more accurate simulations of the variables during that relatively fast moving period. It also gives the reader a better understanding of how a knot was released.)

• 0 minute mark to the 60 minute mark: The simulation begins at noon Pacific Standard Time (PST). It starts with the 15 minute walk from the monastery to the cab stand, during which my heart began to open. This opening of my heart continued on until about the 180 minute mark and then was stable for about 6 hours. However, at the time of the arrival of the cab at the Los Angeles airport, my PsychicStress had not begun to rise.
• 60 minute mark to the 120 minute mark: The one-hour wait at the airport. PsychicStress began to rise during this period.
• 120 minute mark to the 450 minute mark: The flight from LA to Boston, leaving LA at about 2:00pm PST and arriving at Logan airport in Boston around 10:30pm EST. (Notice the preliminary peak in PsychicStress around the 180 minute mark. That peak served as a kind of warning to me to get ready for what was coming: The walking of the plank!)
• 450 minute mark to about 10 minutes before the 555 minute mark. This period began when I arrived at Logan airport and includes the discussion with the state police officer at the airport plus the cab ride from the airport to my apartment plus about one-hour of preliminaries - thinking, pacing the floor of my apartment, etc. - before lying down on my bed at about 10 minutes before the 555 minute mark. The 555 minute mark is when the crucial first knot in my heart was going to be released.
• About 10 minutes before the 555 minute mark to the 617 minute mark: This is the one-hour unstable or oscillating period of purgation during which the 12 KnotsInHeart are purged (Figure 3, just below, shows - by way of simulation - how the experiencer of purgation walks the plank during the release of 3 of the 12 KnotsInHeart.). The 10 minutes before the 555 minute mark were the most critical minutes of my life. That was when the first knot in my heart was going through the deep religious and neurophysiological process of being released. Those were the desperate 10 minutes when I really had to walk the plank. I have never been the same since those desperate ten minutes, particularly the final 3 or 4 minutes of those 10 minutes.
• The great experience of mystical union, lasting anywhere between 4 to 7 seconds, occurred around the 617 minute mark. (After the releasing of the dozen or so knots in my heart during purgation, the religious experience culminated in mystical union.)
• 617 minute mark to the 960 minute mark: Deep sleep.
• Awaken at sunrise to the Divine State at the 960 minute mark.

Figure 3: Two minute simulations during the walking of the plank.

PrayerQuality = (0.5)*(PrayerIntensity + PrayerTrueness).......eq.1

C. Now, I need to tell you about my childhood sexual trauma. It occurred when I was 9 or 10 years old. Traumas eventually release themselves, spontaneously. My trauma was released when I was 30 years old. The spontaneous releasing process of my trauma was the driving force of my consciousness during my religious experience of purgation culminating in mystical union.

1. Certain key memories from my childhood that I can still remember fairly well.
2. The studies and insights of Charcot, Breuer, Janet, Freud, and the bold J.M. Masson on hysteria. {See publications by Charcot, (Freud 1966), etc.}
3. The results that have been emerging from the many years I have spent scientifically analyzing my consciousness during my experience of purgation culminating in mystical union.

Here are two memories from my childhood, my youth, and my very early manhood. I believe these memories are related to the trauma:

1. An experience of hysteria: When I was 11 years old and making the stressful transition in the Fall of 1943 from grade school to the 7th grade in junior high school, my legs became paralyzed for a few hours. Earlier, on my way to school that day, I stopped by at a friend's house and then we walked to school together. He told me his older brother had rheumatic fever. I thought about this during the morning until I began to think I was 'catching' rheumatic fever. Eventually, in early afternoon my legs became paralyzed. I couldn't walk. My father came from work to pick me up at the school nurse's office about 3 or 4pm. When we got home and my father carried me in and I was lying on my bed, my father talked to me for about a half hour and eventually convinced me my legs could not have become paralyzed by rheumatic fever. Then, he told me in a loving way and with manliness and conviction that I could get up and walk. I did so and ran out to play with much joy.
2. I was a fairly good tennis player in high school and college. Some top players in Minneapolis had remarked from time to time that I had one of the best backhands around. My second serve was arching, spinning, curving, wildly bouncing, and hard to handle (I am exaggerating a bit here). However, when I would get toward the end of any close tournament singles match, I always lost - much to my frustration and disappointment. This was particularly true in my college years. The most contemptuous words in all of athletics are directed at such a person: 'He choked!' Freud's words are 'strangulated emotions.'
   (Item 2 has to be examined carefully for bias. I may be making a last ditch effort in my old age to free myself from the label given to me in my youth.)

D. Now, let me describe my particular religious preparedness. (This religious preparedness was very important in saving me during the experience of purgation, when my childhood trauma was being released. My religious preparedness enabled me to successfully walk the plank without panicking and having a nervous breakdown.) So, here are four of the factors that made up my religious preparedness:

1. My precious mother: My Jewish mother's sincere and simple mentioning of God during my early childhood, which led to my simple childhood prayers to God.
2. Sunday school: My simple Reform Jewish religious training in Sunday school from the age of 5 to about 15 years old.
3. Community and history: The time I went with my parents and close relatives to the Synagogue during the High Holy Days of 1945 when I was 13 years old. It was about a month after the end of World War II and the news was just coming in about the Holocaust. Many of the leaders of the Jewish community of Minneapolis were there. Everyone seemed serious. My uncle pointed out the owner of the great Minneapolis Lakers basketball team. He seemed serious, too.
4. The critical religious link to my Jewish ancestors: When I was somewhere between 7 and 15 years old, my father took me up a flight of stairs to an area above the auditorium at the Synagogue and showed me the sacred Everlasting Light. Just below the Light was a plaque with the name of my revered grandfather, who died when I was about three or four years old. My grandfather had escaped from being forced into the Cossack army by fleeing Lithuania at 16 years of age. He then came to the US seeking freedom. Trained as a tailor, he began his life in the US by picking up rags off the streets of New York and then washing, sewing, ironing, and selling them.

E. Simulations are just not capable of vividly describing what it's like to walk the plank. Let me try to give you a more vivid description or narration: In this narration of what it's like to walk the plank, I am trying to narrate as accurately as I can how my religious preparedness dealt with that crucial first knot:

After the first 9 hours of purgation, particularly after experiencing the preliminary peak in PsychicStress at the 180 minute mark, shown in Figure 1, I knew I was dealing with an opening heart that was stymied by a knot. However, as the first knot began its 10 minute releasing process, particularly during the last 3 or 4 minutes before the 555 minute mark in Figure 1, my stress, my fear, and my anxiety started to mount. It was clear that the situation was getting dangerous.
(This is where I believe panic and a nervous breakdown would have occurred. In my case, I had already begun to use my religious preparedness. So, I hadn't panicked yet.)

My first step, using my religious preparedness, was to pray. Then, slowly and prayerfully, I began to use my imagination and my religious belief to associate the knot with a particular sin in my life and I asked the blessed Lord - now taking on the role of a Judge in the scenario - for forgiveness of that sin. My religious belief told me that, if the Judge were to accept my plea, the sin would be forgiven and the knot would then be released. But, there was no release! I didn't panic, though. At that point, using my imagination, I felt the wise and manly Judge was not releasing the knot yet, because He wanted to make sure I was really serious about asking for forgiveness of that sin. But during this delay I noticed my stress, fear, and anxiety were increasing rapidly. My situation was getting desperate. Time was running out, but God was with me: I had not panicked yet.

Then, out of nowhere, my imagination stepped forward and countered my rising fears and anxiety. My imagination said: "The Judge is not playing around. He is deadly serious and He wants to know if I am serious! He can see through my half-hearted attempts at prayer."

I liked that kind of a guy! No nonsense. Finally, I had found a guy who was serious. He had a much greater standard for integrity and trueness than I had ever had. Now, as my state of mind rose to extreme desperation, I began to pray in earnest. I prayed with an intensity and integrity that was far more profound and intense than the way I had prayed before: I prayed with all my heart and soul. Then, the Judge, calmly standing back and carefully assessing the situation, decided that forgiveness of my sin was justified and, in a very detached way, He allowed the knot to be released at the 555 minute mark.

Because of the integrity and equinimity with which the Judge conducted this examination during the release of the first knot, I knew He had things under control: I was in good hands. More importantly, I now knew that despite His aloofness and detachment He wanted me on his side. I began to recognize He was a very rare kind of guy: A serious, no nonsense, straight shooting, type of Judge. He was able to penetrate straight into my very heart and soul. (That was where my imprisoned manhood was bravely waiting for its liberation.)

Then my heart began to open further and I encountered the next knot. "During the tenth hour the above scenario - with many variations - went on relentlessly for about a dozen knots. Yes, the tenth hour was about fear, anxiety, release, and the liberation of my manhood that occurred during this abreaction or release of my childhood sexual trauma. However, the tenth hour was also about a series of intense, serious, earnest, and sacred pledges or promises, made knot by knot in the presence of God. (God always watches over or supervises the activities of the Judge and the person who is being judged.)

In this way - by using my imagination, my prayers, and my religious belief - I was able to walk the plank. This very dangerous process had the potential to either result in panic, a nervous breakdown, and some form of psychosis or result in the release of the cramped or paralyzed heart muscles and convert that release into the intense, profound, and sacred religious experience of purgation culminating in mystical union.

If I had not called upon the Divine and used my imagination, my prayers, and my religious belief, I would have panicked and had a nervous breakdown. Instead, with the Lord at my side I had walked the plank!

F. Now, let me tell you how the process, leading eventually to 'walking the plank,' began for me:

• Here is the sacred mantra that began my adventure with God. (When it is said in a religious sense, it is my experience that it is slowly murmured - from time to time - only to oneself. I said it with great integrity, and it came from the bottom of my heart.) I began saying the mantra while I was working at the MIT spinoff company. The mantra came to me in a natural way. I started saying it about one year before my experience of mystical union. I said the mantra slowly, with determination:

  "I'm goin' for broke. I'm gonna do or die: I'm goin' all the way."

• Here is a narrative of only one aspect of the desperate situation I was in. Nevertheless, it (and many other aspects) eventually prompted me to begin murmuring my particular version of the sacred mantra, given above. It's an excerpt from An Engineer's Story at Chapter 1:

  "My desk was crowded into a small room with those of four other engineers. I was chain-smoking three packs per day of strong, unfiltered cigarettes, filling the room with smoke and, at times, a prolonged, fitful cough. I was trying to make an intense effort to concentrate in order to raise the level of my status but was hindered by dissipating habits that I could see were destroying me. My colleagues were young, bright, and versatile engineers. They wondered why management let this strange, ill-mannered, and arrogant person in the door. I felt out of place, put upon, and rejected. A promising career and vital health had sunk to this level. Perhaps I could have settled for mediocrity - slavery in one form or another - but to my mind I was in a battle for my life." (Please open up the link just above. It is very important.)