General Theory of Religion (GTR):
Volume I: Fundamentals.
Arlen Wolpert
System Dynamicist and Independent Scholar
(Book manuscript draft of November 15,2009)
Table of Contents
Introduction to the General Theory of Religion:
Part A of the Introduction is called An Engineer's Story: It is a narrative of a 21 month period from July 1960 to April 1962. During that period I worked as a project engineer for a budding MIT spinoff company that had about ten engineers. However, the job was way over my head, because I was basically a theoretical mechanical engineer and heat transfer specialist. Nevertheless, those 21 months turned out to be an intense engineering and religious crisis for me. Eventually, the crisis led to both the establishment of my engineering career and my religious life. Most importantly, toward the end of those 21 months I had a religious experience of purgation culminating in mystical union in April 1962 when I was 30 years old. (pp 3-16)
Part B: This section of the Introduction gives a presentation of the very beginning of my religious life just after mystical union: It tells about my seven month stay at a monastery. I then briefly summarize my 22 year social, religious, and scientific reeducation period between the time I left the monastery to the time in 1984 when I was 52 years old and was beginning the serious scientific analysis of my religious experience. (page 17)
Part C: This section gives more detail on my religious and scientific development during the 22 year reeducation period that followed my experience of purgation culminating in mystical union. (pp 17-23)
Part D: Then, in 1984 - when I was 52 - I began to realize that time was running out for me. As a result, I took on the serious role of an independent scholar. This role enables me to reveal the blessed Truths about religion. Using that role, I was able to begin the presuppositionless, scientific, analysis of my religious experience. The heart of that scientific period lasted throughout a 24 year period from the time when I was 52 years old to early 2008. After I was 52 years old and had decided to accept the serious role of an independent scholar, I found that no one was able to stop my scientific analysis, but the reality was that all they had to do was refuse to take notice of my work. Nevertheless, I decided that the combination of patience and scientifically analyzing my religious experience were where my mind should focus. If that failed to open things up, perhaps Chapter 5 - just below - could open things up.
The six chapters of the General Theory of Religion:
Bibliography. (pp 50-57)
Appendix:
Some notes on the present state of this book manuscript:
- Parts A, B, C, and D of the Introduction reveal the profound religious life which I slowly became absorbed with from 1962 to the present.
- Chapters 1 thru 5 introduce the reader to my scientific analysis that is focused on the data of my religious experience. The data of my 10 hour religious experience was permanently recorded in my long term memory (LTM). I then used Forrester's powerful system dynamics to model and simulate the data of my religious experience.
- Chapter 6 introduces the reader to some of the religious implications emerging from my scientific analysis of purgation.
- Right now, I am trying to refine and complete this book manuscript.
- I am also trying to refine Keys #5 and #6 of Chapter 2. The other Keys - Keys #1, #2, #3, and #4 of Chapter 2 - are in good shape.
- The book manuscript will eventually include an Appendix. This Appendix will include about 400 or 500 links taken from the text of this book manuscript. For readers who want to go deep, please double click on those links.
- Only about 25% of this book manuscript is technical or scientific. As a result, I believe intuitive readers will find the book manuscript quite readable and interesting, particularly if a brilliant and intuitive teacher guides them.
- I consider Chapters 1 and 2, particularly Chapter 2, to be the most fundamental Chapters of this book. Those two Chapters contain the critical scientific and religious breakthroughs associated with the establishment of the General Theory of Religion. The analysis presented in Chapter 1 established the scientific base of my religious experience. The Keys of Chapter 2 reveal the crucial core of my religious life.
Those Keys in Chapter 2 are revealing how my early religious training - both in Sunday School and at home - enabled me to avoid the scary possibility of panic, a nervous breakdown, and a psychosis during the release of my trauma when I was 30 years old.
I remember that the precious Lord was at my side during the scary release of my trauma. I remember that I was not alone:
Yea,
Though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil:
For thou art with me;
from Psalm 23 of the Bible or the Old Testament

The painting shown above is by the American painter, Winslow Homer, and is entitled 'Fog Warning.' It is displayed at the Boston Museum of Fine Arts: It represents, for me, the mystic struggling to return home - against long odds - after having gained the Great Catch: The knowledge of God during mystical union.
Introduction
Part A: An Engineer's Story: a narrative of my religious crisis and its culmination in mystical union in 1962.
(1):
(This is a narrative of the last 21 months of my 53 month religious crisis. It covers the period from July 1960, when I was hired by the MIT spinoff company, to April 8-9, 1962, when the crisis culminated in my religious experience. From another aspect it
covers the period between the latter part of stage 2 to the beginning moments of stage 14 of Table I.
Table I is shown on page 33 or 34. It is Key #2 of Chapter 2. The narrative includes my experience of purgation and its culmination in mystical union.)
Worldly Life Spiraling into a Crisis.
In July 1960 I was hired as an engineer by a dynamic MIT spinoff company engaged in intense research and development activity. This company was packed into a small building whose lights burned night and day on an otherwise dismal, treeless, industrial back street in Cambridge. It had only about ten engineers at the time but would grow over the next twenty years to be listed on the NY Stock Exchange. This band of men, poorly financed, was competing with the, then famous, General Electric Research Laboratory in a race to develop a promising new technology. There was a fire of creativity running through that small company at the time. It emanated mainly from our demonic chief engineer who was spearheading the development and, to a lesser extent, from the haughty, brilliant, young MIT professor who had originated the new technology and was the company founder and president. There were other firebrands there also.
I had been traveling in Western Europe and India during the previous two years and thought of myself as a big-time adventurer, but in reality I had been
floundering since 1957
when a tragic event had occurred to someone very dear to me. Though I was
a 28-year-old engineer with a specialization in great demand and had been a student of one of the founders of that specialization, emotionally
I had become, in those three short years, like a teenage runaway.
In this structurally weakened state I had become entangled with,
and addicted to a wanton, dominant, experienced, mediterranean woman of 35.
Back in college in the midwest I had been an hermetic, crew cut, student-athlete and had never come across a woman like her.
Though she was street-smart there was a sensitivity and
vulnerablity to her that I was only dimly aware of at the time.
In addition to being addicted to her I had also become
psychologically addicted to cigarette smoking.
My desk was crowded into a small room with those of four other
engineers. I was chain-smoking three packs per day of strong,
unfiltered cigarettes, filling the room with smoke and, at times, a
prolonged, fitful cough. I was trying to make an intense effort to
concentrate in order to raise the level of my status but was
hindered by dissipating habits that I could see were destroying
me. My colleagues were young, bright, and versatile engineers.
They wondered why management let this strange, ill-mannered,
and arrogant person in the door. I felt out of place, put upon, and
rejected. A promising career and vital health had sunk to this
level.
Perhaps I could have settled for
mediocrity - slavery in one form or another -
but to my mind I was in a battle for my life.
(2)
The Crisis and a Supreme Effort to Save My Life.
Sometimes, if one will only persist, certain defeat can be turned
into victory. Locked in this battle for my life, as it seemed to me,
I began to mount a supreme effort to straighten out my life. I was
desperate. The state of mind I was in can be illustrated by
Churchill's words and actions during the Spring of 1940. In his
radio broadcast of May 19 during the invasion of France by
Germany, he said:
"This is the most awe striking period in the long
history of France and Britain. It is also beyond doubt the most
sublime. Side by side, unaided except by their kith and kin in
the great dominions and by the wide Empires which rest
beneath their shield - side by side, the British and French
peoples have advanced to rescue not only Europe but mankind
from the foulest and most soul-destroying tyranny which has
ever darkened and stained the pages of history. Behind them -
behind us - behind the Armies and Fleets of Britain and France -
gather a group of shattered States and bludgeoned races; the
Czechs, the Poles, the Norwegians, the Danes, the Dutch, the
Belgians - upon all of whom the long night of barbarism will
descend, unbroken even by a star of hope, unless we conquer,
as conquer we must, as conquer we shall.
"Today is Trinity Sunday. Centuries ago words were
written to be a call and a spur to the faithful servants of Truth
and Justice: Arm yourselves, and be ye men of valour, and be in
readiness for the conflict; for it is better for us to perish in battle
than to look upon the outrage of our nation and our altar. As the
Will of God is in Heaven, even so let it be."
Such was my state of mind. Come what may, it was better to go
down fighting than to accept the ultimate consequences of the
present course of my life (3).
I attempted and failed many times to
stop smoking from March through August 1961. I was irritable
and rather wild during withdrawal periods - often insulting
people. At the same time my concentration was getting better and
I was beginning to do some rather good work. The latter offset my
wild behavior and kept me from being fired. I began to devote more
of my free time to my work. In addition I found nutritional
supplements helpful during withdrawal: wheat germ, brewer's
yeast, and a nutritional product called Tiger's Milk. Exercises in hatha yoga,
particularly sirsasana and sarvangasana were also helpful.
I carried an inspirational book in my back pocket that I had taken out for a month from the MIT Library.
At critical moments I prayed for help.
I tried with all my will to break off with the woman through the
Spring and Summer of 1961 but my blessed heart would not be
dominated by my will. I kept returning to her like a drug addict
week after week. In the end my heart found the way to leave her:
One steamy Friday night in August my thoughts of her
became particularly intense. The conflict between my desire for
her and my integrity had become critical. I was in my apartment
in the negro Blackstone Square area of the South End. Instead of
driving over to her apartment, I decided to walk. She lived about
two miles away near Egleston Square which at that time was on
the border between the white and negro neighborhoods.
In walking along old Columbus Avenue, I found my
heart and soul open to the sights and smells and sounds of the
night: small-time gamblers milling around outside a barber shop; the man and
the woman strolling down the broad sidewalk, he with his
flashy suit and greased down hair, she with her dynamite smile
and curvaceous body. The
gospel song
coming from somewhere:
"Deep in my heart I do believe that
We will overcome some day." Carolina Hymn
Further up the avenue, I noticed a drug addict lying on the ground amid the litter
of tin cans and broken glass; then there was the strong smell of stale liquor and cigarette smoke wafting from an open door of a bar. Further still, I noticed a round woman coming out of the laundromat with her bundle of clothes and her soulful eyes - those soulful eyes, so deep - so different from the cold, hard eyes of technology.
Through all these scenes I past until I finally arrived at the door of the mediterranean woman's apartment near Egleston Square and knocked at her door. She was dressed in a short pink nightgown that fell only to the top of
her thigh. A wave of lust ran through my whole body. I laid down
on the living room carpet on my back overwhelmed by the walk, the
sights of the steamy hot night, and the passion that flowed through
my body. My heart and my soul and my pores and my veins were
open. My blood was pulsing in every part of my body. She
mounted me with her pink nightgown as I lay there and writhed
on me. This did not effect the subtler level of my mind and heart
where my concentration had been focused during the walk. My
openness and depth of feeling gave me a detachment where mind
and soul lay passively, watchfully beneath the passions that she
was stirring up. As she writhed on me, a power developed in this
passivity and transformed my lust. Presently I got up, tried to
excuse myself, and left. I never saw her again:
my addiction to her
had somehow vanished.
"He unto whom all desires enter
As waters into the sea,
Which, though ever being filled, is ever motionless,
Attains to peace,
But not he who hugs his desire."
Bhagavad Gita II:70
A month later in September I succeeded in stopping smoking
permanently. Around October I came up with a
novel design for my project.
My spirit was on fire(4).
Arete: Competitive Pressure Forces Excellence Out into the Open.
The level of competence of my competitors or peers was very high -
in a few it had reached the level of Fire as has been mentioned.
Though I was doing good work, my status was still low relative
to my peers. Now with my novel design in the conceptual stage,
I accepted the call to challenge these competitors in order to
raise my status and prove my worth
(5). The resulting intense
effort carried on over a period of time eventually focused my
concentration and brought a depth of analysis. This produced the
innovations required to make the conceptual design workable.
I believe, and this cannot be emphasized enough, that the strain
of the effort would have led to a breakdown if I had not had at
this stage, latent within me, a transcendent purpose
(6) and a
trust in God that it would be fulfilled. This transcendent
purpose together with prayerful concentration brought about a
centering (7).
The intellectual strain was not the only strain involved. I was
experiencing another strain that I sensed would be difficult to
manage later when I would have to do the detailed designing
and building of the device. This second kind of strain involved
interaction with my co-workers. I would be required to interface
with and coordinate the activities of a number of people -
draftsmen, machinists, technicians, foremen - within a tight
schedule. At the same time I would have to work out more of the
theoretical underpinnings of the design. Underlying these
activities was the baffling politics and power structure of my
peers. Usually work like this should be done only by those who
are well integrated into the organizational structure and have
good informal communication and support systems. For a lone
wolf with obviously few social and communication skills, in
particular the lack of a subtle understanding of political games,
it is utter folly. I was setting myself up to be crucified. By any
rational standards I should have remained at my desk with my
theoretical work. In my ignorance I was completely unaware of
the difficult situation I was getting into, but I did sense a supreme
struggle ahead.
To my mind this was the critical moment of my life. I felt in my
bones that I had to do or die; that the issues in my life had
finally been joined; that this struggle was the meaning of my life.
The reason for this rare conviction was that I had, temporarily
at least, achieved an alignment of a number of elements of my mind,
as when a rackety complex machine is carefully adjusted by a
skilled mechanic and begins to hum. At long last I was running
true. At that point I trusted in God that He would not abandon
me if only I be true (8).
Around that time I sensed a barrenness caused by the renunciation
I had recently undergone. I needed a rootedness not only in the
mind and spirit but in the heart and soul. I sensed that I had to
dig deeper in my quest
(9). At that time, early
November 1961, I felt I should take a ten day vacation before embarking
on my task.
"Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt
Fightings without, and fears within
O Lamb of God, I come! I come!"
Transcendence and Grace.
During this vacation I went to San Diego to see old
acquaintances, arriving on Friday night. I took the
inspirational book with me.
Around Wednesday I left San Diego
by bus and hitchiking seeking a place associated with the book.
I found it very much by chance. It was a monastery far up in the
foothills of the Santa Ana mountains
(10).
I approached the simple Spanish style retreat in a state of adventure, openness,
and hope. As I entered the gate and before meeting anyone, I felt a sort of peace come
over me as if I had entered an enchanted land. I found that the monastery
was maintained by a monk and about five brothers. They
allowed me to stay with them for a visit.
My system went into
a different mode during the course of that first day. The peace that
my heart and mind had felt earlier continued on and
deepened during the three or four days of my visit. I sensed a
subtler level of thought and feeling. A subtler vibration within
my heart was being energized. I was in a holy atmosphere
(11).
I was tempted to remain - as the sun was setting on Sunday
night - but realized I must finish my project first.
I returned to Boston on the night flight out of San Diego and
came to work late Monday morning with renewed energy and
resolve: I would prove that I was a good engineer and then
return.
I did not know it at the time, but I was now beginning the process that would prepare me to eventually
walk the razor's edge or walk the plank!
Concentrating again upon my work, there began - and developed
over the next few months - a slow awakening of a subtler level
of my heart from its lifelong slumber. This brought me slowly
into an entirely new state: one which transcended the previous
more primitive state. I found myself dealing with stress through
prayer and tears. The tears, finally unlocked, soothed the deep
sadness of my soul. They alleviated my withdrawal symptoms
(12).
Also my ability to cope increased. This can be illustrated
by Churchill again as taken from the notes of Major General E. L.
Spears on May 31,1940
(13):
"At the meeting of the Supreme War Council in Paris
during the evacuation of Dunkirk, Churchill reported to the
French that 165,000 men had been evacuated including 10,000
wounded and 15,000 French. Reynaud, the French President of
the Council, at once drew attention to the small number of French
withdrawn. Weygand, the Chief of the French General Staff,
chimed in 'But how many French? The French are being left
behind!' His voice was high, querulous and aggressive.
"Churchill looked at him for a moment. The light had
died out of his face, his fingers were playing a tune on the edge
of the table; out came his lower lip as if he were going to retort,
and I expected one of those sentences that hit like a blow, but
his expression changed again. It was evident that he felt every
indulgence must be shown to people so highly tried, undergoing
so fearful an ordeal. He looked very sad, and as he spoke a wave
of deep emotion swept from his heart to his eyes, where tears
appeared not for the only time that afternoon. 'We are
companions in misfortune', he said, 'there is nothing to be
gained from recrimination over our common miseries.'
"The note he had struck was so true, went so deep, that
a stillness fell over the room, something different from silence, it
was like the hush that falls on men at the opening of a great
national pageant. I imagine all thoughts were turned inwards,
questioning whether each one was observing that precept.
It was important in its results, for the note it struck was
maintained throughout the meeting; goodwill, courtesy, and
mutual generosity prevailed."
Only at this transcendent level, where coping skills of the heart
were activated, could the quality of response of the lone wolf,
without allies, be adequate to overcome the competitive pressure
of his brilliant peers to hold him back and to overcome his own
social awkwardness.
At this stage and during the ensuing months my heart and my
brain were working in tandem. Coming out of work one evening,
briefcase in hand, I began to weep as I caught sight of the
late November sunset. The old heartless life was in abeyance.
Thinking went on constantly day and night until the project
was completed. When
the design
seemed to be unworkable, all
I had to do was walk the streets at night and the solution would
come (14).
At times I walked the Boston streets that winter
without a coat, warmed only by the inner fire coursing my brain
and body (4). Such was my state
(15). Competition with my peers
became a minor factor; dissipating habits were tossed off with
ease one by one. I was now dealing with an awakening heart,
tears, a transcendent purpose, prayer and openness, and
concentration at a fiery level
(12).
I felt this was my life at stake, the end of the line of my genes.
I had to pull out all the stops. Centering myself in the openness
of prayer at the eye of the storm, I seemed to gain control of the
very pulse of life. The powerful winds of my spirit had been
caught now by my sails; the rod of iron of my will was in my
right hand ruddering me; and the waves of my emotions were
dangerously whipping across my bow. As the great adventure
proceeded I sensed an immense ocean within me, its deep, slow,
surging waves powering my heart and soul (4)
(16).
"Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee;
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!"
In these unfamiliar elements, with only God as my companion,
the strings binding my heart began to come unloosened
(17).
The Seeker of God then went to his salvation by way of the
Refiner's Fire, the second stage of his purification.
The Heart Begins to Open.
The purification resulting from renunciation came about by a supreme effort of the
will and by Grace, but the
second stage of the purification
that followed proceeded passively. A force began to manifest itself in me and I could do nothing but pray. My will was powerless to effect this Force. It began in the following way:
I returned to Southern California at the end of March 1962 for
another ten day vacation after
successfully completing the project.
I was still running true. I was charged and in a state of
openness. On this visit I went to another monastery run by the
same Order of monks. Again I found myself in a holy
atmosphere
(11).
I had a deeply restful, enchanting, profoundly
moving week, many times bubbling over with mirth and on one
occasion, hearing a beautiful piece of religious music, I was
unable to contain a weeping which became a prolonged sobbing
from the bottom of my heart.
Around noon on Sunday I left the monastery to return to Boston
for work the next day. I was to take a cab to the Los Angeles
airport and then a non-stop flight to Boston. I had plenty of time.
The cab stand was about a half-mile away. I was walking down
a hill with a small suitcase in my hand. As I walked reflectively
and in peace down that hill in the warm and brilliant Southern
California sun, my heart slowly began to feel full. My mind was
drawn inward. In this mood I arrived at the cab stand. I told the
driver my destination. He was a rather cool and playful young
man in his early twenties. I noticed that I was very friendly and
mirthful - quite unusual for me since I usually never spoke to
cab drivers. During the ride I was joking and at times giggling
and had a great time for the half hour drive to the airport. At
one point the driver asked me if I had had a 'joint' before getting
into the cab.
Of course I did not.
At the airport, however,the warmth or power in my heart began
to deepen. I was sitting in the waiting area for the flight but
found I could not stay seated. I got up and began to pace the floor
of the waiting room. I was well dressed and groomed in a fine conservative suit.
Perhaps it was a rather strange sight. The thought occurred to me
I was on the verge of a heart attack, but I was only thirty and in
good health so dismissed the idea.
The plane was quite full. I took my assigned seat by the window.
After the plane circled LA and turned East, the Force in my heart
began to get intense. My heart was opening!! There was a struggle
going on in my heart. The Force was opening my heart and, because
of my fear, my will was waging a losing battle to close it. The
opening of my heart brought about a fear - indeed - a terror.
At the same time I felt a degree of love for all, forgiveness,
brotherhood and sisterhood for all.
I called for the stewardess. I told her something was wrong with my
heart. She got me out to the first aid area and gave me oxygen, but
it had no effect. She took me to the first class area where there were
fewer passengers and I could be alone. The Force continued to try
to open my heart and I was in a state of terror for fear I would die
shortly. I kept getting up and walking to the drinking fountain to
quench the fire in my breast. I must have drank at least two gallons
of water during the five and one-half hour flight.
A few times the stewardess came by to see how I was. Once she
sat down next to me. She seemed quite curious about me. She was
about 24 or 26. Under the ceiling spotlight I could see her features
were delicate but her beauty had now passed its peak. There were
the first signs of tension wrinkles around her eyes and mouth.
Close up I could sense something about her that had gone cold and
there was a sadness underneath her makeup. She was neglecting
what I could see was a precious soul. In the course of our quiet
conversation I told her, in a somewhat oracular way, 'Please
leave this terrible job.' She asked me why I thought it was so
terrible. I said, in effect, she was being paid to be pleasant and
gay to the passengers even though her heart and soul didn't feel
it any more. She needed an honest job. With my heart so open,
I knew my intuition was sure and I could see these things clearly,
quite in the same way that the lay of the land can be seen and
understood better when standing at an elevated place. Under
ordinary circumstances such a conversation would have set the
stewardess' teeth on edge, but with my heart so open she seemed
to sense my good will and took what I said to heart.
Nevertheless, when I arrived in Boston about 10:30pm, I was met
by a powerfully built and rather serious airport state police officer.
He was about 35 or 40
years old. He escorted me from the plane ahead of the others and
led me to the airport shelter. Normally I was rather aloof from
police officers, indeed I didn't like authority of any kind, but when
the officer met me my heart was so open I felt all men were my
brothers. As I walked aside of him to the shelter, I found myself
putting my arm around his broad shoulders. I became aware of
the gun at his holster but it made no difference to me. In the state
of mind I was in, I felt toward him like toward an elder, beloved
brother meeting me at the plane. I chatted with him and thanked
him for his trouble and great courtesy and assistance. I told him
I had just left a monastery and was overwhelmed by being in a
crowd of people and that I would be alright once I got home.
Besides being an optimistic prognosis to calm myself it also
seemed to be an appropriate way of explaining my openness and
feelings of brotherhood and also of avoiding being detained.
Ordinarily this tough, no-nonsense police officer would have
given me a difficult time but instead, like the stewardess, he
seemed to sense the integrity of my feelings.
The Dark Night of the Soul: The Heart is Purified and
Prepared for the Culminating Experience.
I took a cab and arrived about 11pm at my South End lodgings.
They consisted of two rooms on the second floor of an almost-
deserted rooming house overlooking the extensive federal
housing project near the Cathedral. The dull red brick buildings
and barren clothes-lines at the edge of the project could be seen
from my front window by the light of the street lamps. The window
faced a large tree-lined, but neglected, park called Blackstone
Square. Next door was a Syrian Church with a domed roof
overhung by a huge tree now bare of leaves. A light quietly
emanating from the ornate glass window in the dome soothed
my soul as I paced the rooms.
Finally I was alone. I lay down on my bed. I knew very little
about the writings of the mystics at the time. I did not know that
I was now entering the Refiner's Fire or the Dark Night of the Soul
(18)
that would purify my heart and make me fit for Union with God.
"But who may abide the day of His coming,
And who shall stand when He appeareth?
For He is like a Refiner's Fire." Malachi 3.2
The events in the cab and on the plane were the beginning but the
Dark Night of the Soul began in earnest when I laid down on
my bed. As I have said, the fire in the heart led to the opening
of the heart. The heart continued to open slowly and inexorably,
step by step, like a flower. As it did, it produced forgiveness -
forgiveness of those I felt had wronged me, who had teased and
mocked me. These vexations departed from my heart one by one
as they came to my mind - like water drops from a lotus leaf.
At the same time there came to my mind, one by one, things I had
done which lay buried in my consciousness undermining my life.
I prayed for the Lord to forgive me and He did so, one by one
(19).
Simultaneous with this forgiveness was terror and joy.
I was in terror of losing my life.
The Fire or Force was opening my heart
and I was naturally terrified since my heart had never been open
that wide. Fear keeps the heart closed so if the heart is opened
beyond its normal position it produces terror.
To alleviate this terror I had to forgive.
It allowed the heart to tolerate being
opened at that degree of opening. As this proceeded, hatred
slowly left my heart and it slowly became more purified.
Then the heart opened more. More terror. More sin and error
came to my mind one by one and I asked the Lord to forgive me
and He did so one by one. The terror lessened. The heart opened
wider. More joy. More terror. More prayers. And as the heart
opened ever wider my joy increased to ecstasy or rapture
(20).
At the same time I was dealing with another aspect of the terror
of losing my life: the dread or remorse that I would lose my
worldly ties. I would die in this lonely place never to see my
dear ones again. My worldly hopes and dreams would end
here never to be fulfilled. Clinging to life, I begged the Lord,
Oh save me. Let me live.
This Prayer of Salvation during such an emotional crisis
deepened my attachment to God with Form. To confirm and
permanently establish this attachment I made a Covenant with
God with Form. Once this firm attachment was made I could
remove myself from worldly attachments and all its associated
complexities and my fears could more easily be borne
(21).
Only the most simple and fundamental structures of the mind-heart
system were now being employed. This stabilized my
mind and enabled my heart to continue the process of opening.
It opened amidst joy, ecstasy, terror and anxiety while at the
same time there was a fierce attention of my mind and being on
that which was within.
The Great Silence.
Gradually, then, over a period of about an hour this Refiner's
Fire succeeded in bringing about an opening and purifying of my
heart and bringing along with it peace to my conscience. As a
result, my thinking process was able to rest. As this occurred,
all of my mind - all of my being - was freed to focus on the
present moment within where there existed the blessed open
heart. In this undistracted, dramatic state my mind became one
pointed. That was its natural, purified state. Then, suddenly,
all action within me ceased
(22).
The pumping of my blood, the beating of my heart, the quivering or
hum of my nerves (or perhaps the latter was my body shaking)
ceased quite abruptly and I was left in a state of profound
silence
(23).
I had crossed over to the Great Silence
(24).
In that state I no longer felt the previous terror, joy, or anxiety.
Instead I felt I had come into my True Home, where I was
Free(21, 25).
I had left the World and was in a state of Pure
Being. In that state my mind could not think; it could only
observe inwardly and record
(26). I had no power to recall
or analyze. All of my mind and being continued to focus on the
present moment within during the transition into the Silence and
at the Silence. In that state of mind and being, my system was
satisfied that it had penetrated to the core. Its energy then ran
out. It let go and I fell into a swoon: a deep and abiding sleep
(27).
It was the silent night, the holy night.
Presently I awoke. It was daybreak. All was peace, bliss. Within
me lapped the Living Waters: a serene, wave-like energy of such
a subtle frequency that it was capable of flowing evenly
throughout my head and body as if they were both made of one
substance(4, 28).
I was in such a state of peace and bliss, pervaded
by a feeling of inner goodness, that the experience has led me to
believe this is what is known as Heaven
(29). My sincere and
earnest search for the Truth during the previous 53 months had
finally been satisfied
(30).
I no longer felt that I must seek the
ground of my life, the base upon which to build a sound life.
I felt I had found the Ground of My Being: the philosopher's stone,
the Formless, the Timeless, the Unconditioned,
Knowledge, Bliss (31).
This I now feel is God: no more, no less. Reflection on those blessed
hours since April 1962 has led me to that conclusion
(32).
References and Notes.
- An Engineer's Story is similar in form to Parmenides'
allegorical proem
(Burnet 1948)
given just below. It introduces his Fragments.
"The car that bears me carried me as far as ever my heart
desired, when it had brought me and set me on the renowned way
of the goddess, which leads the man who knows through all the
towns. On that way was I borne along; for on it did the wise
steeds carry me, drawing my car, and maidens showed the way.
And the axle, glowing in the socket - for it was urged round by
the whirling wheels at each end - gave forth a sound as of a pipe,
when the daughters of the Sun, hasting to convey me into the light,
threw back their veils from off their faces and left the abode of
Night.
"There are the gates of the ways of Night and Day, fitted
above with lintel and below with a threshold of stone. They
themselves, high in the air, are closed by mighty doors, and
Avenging Justice keeps the keys that fit them. Her did the maidens
entreat with gentle words and cunningly persuade to unfasten
without demur the bolted bars from the gates. Then, when the
doors were thrown back, they disclosed a wide opening, when
their brazen posts fitted with rivets and nails swung back one
after the other. Straight through them, on the broad way, did the
maidens guide the horse and the car, and the goddess greeted me
kindly, and took my right hand in hers, and spake to me these
words:
"Welcome, O youth, that comest to my abode on the car
that bears thee, tended by immortal charioteers! It is no ill chance,
but right and justice that has sent thee forth to travel on this way.
Far, indeed, does it lie from the beaten track of men! Meet it is that
thou shouldest learn all things, as well the unshaken heart of
well-rounded truth, as opinion of mortals in which is no true
belief at all. Yet none the less shalt thou learn these things also,
- how passing right through all things one should judge the
things that seem to be."
(The text of the translation is from: John Burnet, Early Greek
Philosophy , 4th edition(Adam & Charles Black, London,1948)
172.)
- The disintegration of moral character - loss of integrity and the
descent into dissipation and obsession - often leads to desperation
and sets the stage for a religious conversion. Many of the teachings
of religion focus on this crisis. (See for example,
'The Sermon'
from Moby Dick by Herman Melville.)
- The successful attitude of the seeker of God, the warrior, and
creative men and women appear to be identical. It is the attitude
of detachment. The essence of detachment is to let go of the
clinging to life. Some aspects of this idea are illustrated below:
- Matthew Kelty, O.C.S.O., Aspects of the Monastic Calling
(St. Joseph's Abbey, Spencer, MA), 15-16.
"It may happen many times, but it is certain to happen at
least once that one's whole life depends on a moment's
willingness to lay it on the line. This happens to most people.
To anyone willing to look closely there may come a moment in
one's life which in every sense of the word is a moment of
destiny, a moment to which one can, in later years, look back
and realize that everything was leading to that point, and
everything flows thence from it. There is no way of knowing
when such a moment may come; indeed, one may not even
recognize it until long after. But one thing is certain: you will
muff it unless you have learned how to lay it on the line. And the
secret in that art is simple: you have to risk all to gain all."
- Michael Polanyi, The Tacit Dimension (Doubleday, Garden City,
NY, 1966), p76.
" . . there is a widespread opinion that scientists hit
on discoveries merely by trying everything as it happens to cross
their minds. This opinion follows from an inability to recognize
man's capacity for anticipating the approach of hidden truth.
The scientist's surmise or hunches are the spurs and pointers of
his search. They involve high stakes, as hazardous as their
prospects are fascinating. The time and money, the prestige and
self-confidence gambled away in disappointing guesses will
soon exhaust a scientist's courage and standing. His gropings
are weighty decisions."
- Jung, Development of Personality, 175-176.
"True personality is always a vocation and puts its
trust in it as in a God. . . . vocation acts like a law of God from
which there is no escape. The fact that many a man who goes his
own way ends in ruin means nothing to one who has a vocation.
He must obey his own law, as if it were a daemon, whispering to
him of new and wonderful paths. Anyone with a vocation hears
the voice of the inner man: he is called."
- Jalaluddhin Rumi
"Without cause God gave us Being; without cause give
it back again. Gambling yourself away is beyond religion."
- S. Freud, Attitude Toward Death, 290.
"Life is impoverished, it loses in interest, when the
highest stake in the game of living, life itself, may not be risked.
It becomes as shallow and empty as, let us say, a . . . flirtation, in
which it is understood from the first that nothing is to happen, as
contrasted with a . . . love affair in which both partners must
constantly bear its serious consequences in mind."
- Ramakrishna was in a desperate state of mind just
before he attained union:
M., Gospel of Ramakrishna. pp. 12-14,
or Saradananda, Ramakrishna the Great Master, pp 162-3.
- Here is the charge given to his warriors by the Sioux Indian
chief, Sitting Bull, before the battle of the Little Bighorn and the
defeat of Custer:
"It is a good day to die."
- Bhagavad Gita, II:31-32
"There is nothing more blessed than a lawful strife."
(The gloss of Radhakrishnan's translation of this passage states:
"Krishna tells Arjuna that for warriors there is no more ennobling
duty than a fair fight. It is a privilege that leads to heaven.")
- From Mircea Eliade, Ordeal by Labyrinth, (University of Chicago
Press, Chicago, 1982), 125.
". . . the enigma at the heart of life and the universe . .
is the fact that no life can perpetuate itself without risking death."
- Jeremiah 29:13
"And ye shall seek me, and find me,
When ye shall search for me
With all your heart."
- From the book: Stride Toward Freedom by Martin Luther King:
King describes a moment of profound crisis in his life during the Montgomery
boycott of 1956:
"In this state of exhaustion, when my courage had all but gone, I decided
to take my problem to God. With my head in my hands, I bowed over the
kitchen table and prayed aloud. The words I spoke to God that midnight
are still vivid in my memory.
"I am here taking a stand on what I believe is right.
But now I am afraid. The people are looking to me
for leadership, and if I stand before them without
strength and courage, they too will falter. I am at the
end of my powers. I have nothing left. I've come to the
point where I can't face it alone.
"At that moment I experienced the presence of the Divine
as I have never experienced Him before. It seemed as
though I could hear the quiet assurance of an inner voice
saying: 'Stand up for righteousness, stand up for truth;
and God will be at your side forever.'
"Almost at once my fears began to go. My uncertainty
disappeared. I was ready to face anything."
- From the 1970s song, Me and Bobby McGee, by Kris Kristopherson:
"Freedom's just another name for nothin' left to lose."
- Jesus (Matthew 10:39)
"He that findeth his life shall lose it:
And he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it."
- In Laws Plato defines the essence of all true culture,
paideia, as
" ...the education in arete from youth onwards, which
makes men passionately desire to become perfect citizens,
knowing both how to rule and how to be ruled on a basis of
justice.... arete is defined as the finest possible expression of the
inspiration of heroic strife."
Werner Jaeger, Paideia vol 1
- From Karl Jaspers, Way to Wisdom (Yale Univ. Press, New Haven, 1954)
pp52-53.
"In love, in battle, in pursuing lofty tasks, men often act without regard for
consequences, unconditionally. When a man acts unconditionally his life is
not the ultimate, he subordinates it to something else. ...the only escape from ...emptiness is for man himself as an individual to win authentic being as the
foundation of his decisions. This has happened in history when individuals
staked their lives through obedience to an absolute imperative: they remain
loyal where disloyalty would have destroyed everything, where a life saved
through disloyalty would have been poisoned, where a betrayal of absolute
being would have made a saved life wretched.
"The purest example is perhaps Socrates. Living in the lucidity of his reason,
out of the Comprehensive of nonknowledge, he went his way unswervingly,
undeterred by the passions of anger, hatred, self righteousness; he made no
concessions, refused to avail himself of the opportunity for flight, and died
happy, staking everything on his faith. .......
"Rare are the philosophers who, without firm allegiance to a community of faith,
standing alone before God, have realized the maxim: To philosophize is to learn
how to die."
- What is occurring here is similar to what occurs in social
and biological systems which have been driven to stable states
far from thermodynamic equilibrium. As they are driven further
from equilibrium, such systems experience a series of
bifurcations leading to structural changes and increases in
energy exchange with the environment.
- On arete:
- From Karl Jaspers, Plato and Augustine , trans. by
Ralph Manheim(Harcourt, San Diego, 1962) pp15-16.
"All the early [Platonic] dialogues circle around this
one theme [arete ], which springs from concern for the soul. The
fundamental concept of arete was inherent in the Greek view
of the world. The word applies to all excellence, that of things,
but particularly that of men. It refers to the radiance of an
excellence that shows itself in contest. ........
"Platonic philosophy begins with the Socratic
thinking about arete and keeps its tie with it to the end. This mode
of knowledge is amplified in the course of Plato's work and
extends to the whole realm of knowledge: man, the state, the world.
What is already present in the early dialogues runs through the
whole of Plato's philosophizing, whose power of growth seems to
know no limit."
- Werner Jaeger, Paideia vol 1:
"In Laws Plato defines the essence of all true culture,
paideia , as 'the education in arete from youth onwards, which
makes men passionately desire to become perfect citizens, knowing
both how to rule and how to be ruled on a basis of justice ....
arete is defined as the finest possible expression of the
inspiration of heroic strife."
- Elie Wiesel, Nobel peace laureate, Boston Globe, October 21, 1986:
"If you want to break out of your despair simply for your
own sake, I don't think it will work. You will continue to suffer
in your solitude and loneliness. But if you do it for someone else,
a child even, one other person, then somehow you can find your
way out."
- On mystical union and psychosis:
- I intuitively sense that this point is one of the critical
bifurcation points that determine whether or not the behavior
system that leads to the spiritual experience will remain stable:
whether the searcher goes on to Union with God or to either
temporary or permanent insanity. (An example of a
bifurcation diagram
can be accessed.)
- A. J. Deikman also sees a kinship between the psychotic and the mystic:
"One of the puzzling phenomena of psychosis is that of the
mystical state preceding or marking the onset of many cases of
acute schizophrenia. . . . the specific configurations of these states
vary from case to case but they share basic features: marked
heightening of sense perception; a feeling of communion with
people, the world, God; intense affective response; and
blurring of perceptual and conceptual boundaries. First person
accounts of this type of psychotic experience are strikingly
similar to reports of sensate mystical experience and suggest a
similar process. In terms of the bimodal model, the experience is
one of a sudden, sharp, and extreme shift to the receptive mode:
decreased self-object differentiation, heightened sensory intake,
and nonverbal, nonlogical thought process.
"Both mystical and psychotic states appear to have arisen
out of a situation in which the individual has struggled with a
desperate problem, has come to a complete impasse, and given up
hope, abandoned the struggle in despair. [My experience, presented in the Engineer's Story, does not verify the phrase just above.] For the mystic, what
emerges from the 'cloud of unknowing' or the 'dark night of the
soul' is an ecstatic union with God or Reality. For the psychotic
person, the world rushes in but does not become integrated in the
harmony of mystico unio or satori . Instead, he creates a delusion
to achieve a partial ordering and control."
A. J. Deikman, Bimodal Consciousness, Archives of
General Psychiatry , 25 (Dec 1971), 481-489.
- On the concept of Truth:
- I use the word Truth in the following way: the
quality or state of being accurate in alignment or adjustment -
used in the mechanic's or carpenter's phrase: in true or out of true.
- Katha Upanishad I,iii,9. (Ranganatananda Translation):
"He who has vijnana , buddhi , or Reason for his charioteer,
And a (disciplined) manas (mind) as the reins -
He verily attains the end of the journey:
That supreme state of Vishnu (Brahman)."
- Quotation of Kant in K. Jaspers, Kant(Harcourt, San Diego,1962), p90:
"Any fragmentary attempt to become a better man is futile.
The foundation of a character lies in the absolute unity of the
inner principle of a man's whole life conduct. No doubt . . .
there are few men who have attempted this revolution before
the thirtieth year, and still fewer who have firmly established
it before their fortieth."
- I.K.Tamini, Glimpses into the Psychology of Yoga (Theosophical
Pub. House, Wheaton, IL, 1976), pVII:
"As our minds get purified and harmonized and the intuitive
faculty begins to function, knowledge which we need wells up
from within us, and the help and guidance which we deserve comes
to us from somewhere, somehow, unasked. This is the law of
spiritual life which those who tread the path of yoga should
always keep in mind."
- Prigogine and Stengers, Order Out of Chaos,
163-165. (for example, the formation of Benard cells is very
much sensitive to, and dependent on, the existence of a
gravitational field.):
" . . . . matter acquires [fundamental new properties] in
far-from-equilibrium conditions: external fields, such as the
gravitational field, can be 'perceived' by the system . . .
The important point is that . . . . this mechanism
expresses an extraordinary sensitivity. The sensitivity of
far-from-equilibrium states to external fluctuations is . . . .
[an] example of a system's spontaneous adaptive organization
to its environment."
- From J. W. Forrester, 'Nonlinearity in High-Order Models of
Social Systems', paper number D-3691-1, March 1985, System
Dynamics Group, MIT, Cambridge, MA 02139:
"By shifting loop dominance we mean the process by
which control of a system moves from one set of feedback loops
to another set, often with dramatic changes in behavior. The
several control loops will all have been present in the system
from the beginning but some lie inactive until conditions trigger
them into operation.
"The processes behind the typical S-shaped growth
curve serve as a simple example of shifting loop dominance.
Consider a population expanding toward an upper limit to the
carrying capacity of its environment. When the population is
well below the limit, population expands exponentially, driven
by a linear positive feedback loop in which additions to
population increase in proportion to population itself. The
positive feedback loop produces the initial upward-sweeping
section of S-shaped growth. But as the limit to population is
approached, a previously dormant linear negative feedback loop
becomes active, interacts nonlinearly with the positive loop,
reduces the growth rate of the positive feedback loop toward
zero, and eventually takes full control to adjust population
toward the limit whenever population deviates in either
direction from the limit. The two loops come into operation at
different times. First, the positive feedback loop of growth is in
control during the early exponential growth phase. Later, the
negative feedback loop exerts increasing control to neutralize
the positive loop and convert the system to a goal-seeking search
for an equilibrium at the population limit. Biological and social
systems contain numerous structures that move in and out of
dominance as forces shift."
- Martin Gilbert, Winston S. Churchill, Finest Hour, 1939-
1941, Volume VI (Houghton Mifflin Co, Boston, 1983), 438-439.
- On the relationship of the mind to the object:
- Plato (Letter 7, 344a):
"He who is not linked by a tie of kinship with the
object will not acquire insight through ease of apprehension or
a good memory; for basically he does not accept the object, as its
nature is foreign to him."
- Leszek Kolakowski, Main Currents of Marxism, Vol I (Oxford
Univ. Press, Oxford, 1978) pp16-17:
"In true knowledge, by contrast [to the above
quotation], the subject is not merely an absorber of information
about realities that are completely external to him: he enters into
an intimate contact with the object, and this cognition is his mode
of becoming better than he was before. For Plato and the
Platonists, therefore, the soul's urge to liberate itself from
contingency involves overcoming the alienation between the
soul and the object."
- The holistic sensation that people feel when they act
with total involvement has been called the flow state.
Csikszentmihalyi describes it as follows:
"In the flow state, action follows upon action according to an
internal logic that seems to need no conscious intervention by
the actor. He experiences it as a unified flowing from one
moment to the next, in which he is in control of his actions, and
in which there is little distinction between self and environment,
between stimulus and response, or between past, present, and
future. . . . . one may experience flow on the battlefront, on a
factory assembly line, or in a concentration camp. The
experience is one of complete involvement of the actor with his
activity. The activity presents constant challenges. There is no
time to get bored or to worry about what may or may not happen.
A person in such a situation can make full use of whatever skills
are required and receives clear feedback to his actions; hence he
belongs to rational cause and effect system in which what he
does has realistic and predictable consequences."
M. Csikszentmihalyi, Beyond Boredom and Anxiety (Jossey-Bass
Pub., San Francisco, 1975), 36.
- Vivekananda, Complete Works, Vol. 5 (1979 edition): pp447-453:
".... thousands of us are, for our whole life, meditating
on Om, are getting ecstatic in devotion in the name of the Lord,
and are crying, 'Thy will be done, I am fully resigned to Thee!' -
and what are they getting in return? Absolutely nothing! How
do you account for this? The reason lies here, and it must be
fully understood. Whose meditation is real and effective? Who
can really resign himself to the Will of God? Who can utter with
power irresistible, like that of a thunderbolt, the name of the
Lord? It is he who has earned Chitta-shuddhi, that is, whose
mind has been purified by work, or in other words, he who is
the Dharmika.
"Each individual is a centre for the manifestation of a
certain force. This force has been stored up as the resultant of
our previous works, and each one of us is born with this force
at his back. So long as this force has not worked itself out, who
can possibly remain quiet and give up work?"
- As I designed and built the device, the mantra I was
using was, 'I will not be a nothing'. No guru or priest or rabbi
had given me this mantra. It was something I would say to myself
from time to time with feeling.
Let's examine this. The behavior of a stable system may
be described as goal-seeking. Conversely, an unstable system is
one dominated by a positive feedback loop and has no goal.
As I said to myself with all my heart and soul, 'I will not be a
nothing', I had no goal on the plane of action but I was striving
for transcendence to a higher plane. I cared not whether I was
moving up or down the ladder of worldly success. To me higher
or lower on that plane of action was nothing.
Consciously or unconsciously, deep down, I knew that
I had somehow become a slave, a nothing, to a social system, in particular this
company's social system.
What was left to me it seems was to BURN - the soul
afire. The engineering device that I was designing and building
at that time was in keeping with such a state of mind.
Unconsciously I was worshipping God in the form of Fire, or
perhaps something more. The device was a cylindrical metal-
ceramic electron tube the size of a 5 inch long crucifix, structured with a
copper rod running down its spine. A high electric current (about 200
amps) flowing in the rod generated a magnetic field. The electron
tube was mounted or jury-rigged on a frame. At the heart of the
assembly was a half inch diameter by one inch long
cylindrical tantalum cathode heated to 3100 deg F. The cathode's intense
white light emanated from the openings between the plates of the
electron tube and I was aware of its rays as I waited for it to
heat up or as I worked around it, studying for countless hours
how the electron tube operated. This could be done since in its vacuum phase
it was enclosed by a highly evacuated glass bell jar and in its
cesium phase by a metal bell jar with a quartz window. I was
not aware at the time that the electron tube was in the form of
a crucifix, but what joy I felt to see it work.
"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart,
And with all thy soul, and with all thy mind." Jesus (Matthew 22:37)
"If.....thou shalt seek the Lord thy God,
Thou shalt find him, if thou seek him
With all thy heart and with all thy soul." Moses (Deut 4:29)
"Whoever has God in mind - simply and solely God - in all things,
such a man carries God with him into all his works and into all
places and God alone does all his works." Meister Eckhart
The mechanical drawings for this particular design are not available to me.
However, a later design of an entirely different electron tube also shows
crucifix-like qualities. The mechanical drawing for the latter
is shown below.

- Saint John of the Cross, Dark Night of the Soul, translated and
edited by E. Allison Peers, mainly from the 16th century
manuscript #3446 (Image Books, Doubleday, Garden City, N.Y.,
1959), 93:
"These proficients [those who are on the road to Divine
Union] have two kinds of imperfections: the one kind is habitual;
the other actual. The habitual imperfections are the imperfect
habits and affections which have remained all the time in the
spirit, and are like roots, to which the purgation of sense has
been unable to penetrate. The difference between the purgation
of these and that of the other kind is the difference between the
root and the branch, or between the removing of a stain which is
fresh and one which is old and of long standing. For, as we said,
the purgation of sense is only the entrance and beginning of
contemplation leading to the purgation of the spirit, which, as
we have likewise said, serves rather to accommodate sense to
spirit than to unite spirit with God. But there still remain in the
spirit the stains of the old man, although the spirit thinks not
that this is so, neither can it perceive them; if these stains be not
removed with the soap and strong lye of the purgation of this
night, the spirit will be unable to come to the purity of Divine
Union."
- M. Heidegger, Sein und Zeit, I (Halle a.d.S.: Max Niemeyer,
1927), 385. Quoted in Marjorie Grene, Heidegger (Hillary
House, Inc., New York, 1957), 38:
" . . in the Being of a being death, guilt, conscience,
freedom and finitude dwell together at its very source."
- Matthew 6:14:
"If ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father
will also forgive you."
- Saint John of the Cross:
"The soul that is attached to anything, however much good
there may be in it, will not arrive at the liberty of divine union.
For whether it be a strong wire rope or a slender and delicate
thread that holds the bird, it matters not, if it really holds it fast;
for, until the cord be broken, the bird cannot fly. So the soul, held
by the bonds of human affections, however slight they may be,
cannot, while they last, make its way to God."
- On the mental imagery of the release of knots in the heart:
- Siddheswarananda. (1942). Meditation According to Yoga-
Vedanta. Reprinted (1966). Trichur DT., India: Ramakrishna
Ashrama Press. p38:
"Prakriti is separated from Purusha."
- Quote from Gershom Scholem, Major Trends in Jewish
Mysticism, NY 1962, p 131:
"The religious aim of Abulafia, perhaps the greatest
Jewish mystic, was 'to unseal the soul, to untie the knots which
bind it'. 'All the inner forces and the hidden souls in man are
distributed and differentiated in the bodies. It is, however, in the
nature of all of them that when their knots are untied they return
to their origin, which is one without any duality and which
comprises the multiplicity.' 'The 'untying' is, as it were, the
return from multiplicity and separation towards the original
unity."
- Mundaka Upanishad II:2.8:
"When He who is immanent and transcendent is
perceived, directly experienced, then all doubts are dispelled, all
knots of the heart that tie an individual to this sensible universe
are completely cut asunder, and all the deposits of [past] karma
is wiped out."
- On the timelessness, motionlessness, and oneness of the state of mystical union:
- Shakespeare: from Hotspur's dying solilique
in I Henry IV,V,4,83:
"But thought's the slave of life,
And life time's fool;
And Time, that takes survey of all the world,
Must have a stop."
- Krishna (Bhagavad Gita VI:19):
"As a lamp in a place sheltered from the wind
does not flicker,
Even so is the mind in union with God."
- Buddha (Pali Canon, Udana VIII:3):
"Monks, There is a domain where there is neither solid nor fluid,
Neither heat nor movement, neither sun nor moon.
Monks, I call that neither a coming nor a going,
Nor a stopping, nor a being born nor a dying.
It is without any foundation, without development, without foothold:
That is what the end of suffering is."
- Maimonides (Guide of the Perplexed I.51.2):
"There cannot be any belief in the unity of God except by admitting that He is one simple substance, without any composition or plurality of elements; one from whatever side you view it, and by whatever test you examine it; not divisible into two parts in any way and by any cause, nor capable of any form of plurality either objectively or subjectively ... "
- Upanishads:
"Be lost altogether in Brahman
Like an arrow
That has completely penetrated its target."
- Plotinus:
"This consciousness of the One comes not by knowledge,
But by an actual Presence superior to any knowing."
- On what is required of the seeker in order to attain mystical union:
- Meister Eckhart:
" . . . no one can experience this birth [of God realized
in the soul] without a mighty effort. No one can attain this birth
unless he can withdraw his mind entirely from things."
- Buddhist scripture:
"Not by the slothful, nor the fool, the undiscerning, is
that Nirvana to be reached, which is the untying of all knots."
- Matthew 5:8:
"Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall know God."
- Bhagavad Gita XI:55:
"He who does My work, who is given over to Me, who is devoted to
Me, void of attachment, without hatred to any born being, comes to Me."
- Karl Jaspers, Way to Wisdom (Yale Univ. Press, New Haven, 1954)pp33-34:
".... man can transcend the subject - object dichotomy
and achieve a total union of subject and object, in which all
objectness vanishes and the I is extinguished. Then authentic
being opens up to us, leaving behind it - as we awaken from our
trance - a consciousness of profound and inexhaustible meaning."
- Ruysbroeck:
"[Union with God] is an unwalled world."
- During the Great Silence or samadhi or mystical union the following state of
mind and body existed:
- I am under the impression that my heart stopped beating.
- My mind was unable to think, although it could watch inwardly.
- My mind stored what occurred in samadhi into long term memory (this document testifies to that). However, during samadhi I could not use my mind to recall from memory. My mind was completely
and totally occupied with the present moment within.
The following philosophers - one from the West; the other
from the East - have spoken about this state. Here is what they
have to say:
- Spinoza experienced this state. He deals with this state in Ethics V.P21 & its proof:
"Proposition 21: The mind can exercise neither imagination nor
memory save while the body endures.
Proof: It is only while the body endures that the mind expresses
the actual existence of its body and conceives the affections of
the body as actual. Consequently it does not conceive any body
as actually existing save while its own body endures. Therefore
it cannot exercise either imagination or memory save while the
body endures."
Baruch Spinoza(1677), The Ethics and Selected Letters,
translation by S. Shirley and edited by S. Feldman (Hackett Pub. Co.,
Indianapolis, 1982).
- A Hindu monk of the Ramakrishna Order explains this state in Hindu terms:
"Deliverance (samadhi) consists in cutting off all bonds of
relationship between the true self and the chitta [mind] .
Henceforth it would become impossible for the movements of the
cosmic prakriti [primordial nature] to be communicated to the
subtle body or to trouble our individuality. When the self
ceases to identify itself with the chitta , it withdraws into its
own field. There, it would not be affected by passions, for, the
Purusha is, in its real nature, none other than the witnessing
consciousness of all the activities of the mind."
Siddheswarananda, Meditation , 32-33.
- From: The Dark Night of the Soul by Saint John of the Cross:
"Forgetful of myself,
My head reclined on my Beloved,
The world was gone
And all my cares at rest,
Forgotten all my grief among the lilies."
- On the state of mystical union or samadhi:
- Rabindranath Tagore, Sadana: The Realization of Life
(MacMillan Co., New York,1914),113:
"When a man feels the rhythmic throb of the soul life
of the whole world in his own soul, then he is free."
- Thomas Treherne, 1637-1674:
"You never enjoy the world aright until the Sea itself
floweth in your veins."
- Karl Jaspers, Way to Wisdom (Yale Univ. Press, New Haven,
1954)pp33-34.
"On the basis of our philosophical inquiry into the
Comprehensive, we shall be better able to understand the great
metaphysical theories of history, the theories of fire, matter, the
mind, the world process, etc. For in reality they were not solely
the object knowledge as which they are often interpreted, and
considered as which they are completely false; they were
hieroglyphics of being, devised by the philosophers out of the
presence of the Comprehensive, for the elucidation of the self and
of being-and then at once mistaken for positive objectivizations
of authentic being."
- On the state of mystical union:
- Jesus (Luke 17:21):
"The kingdom of God is within you."
- Heaven is a state of mind, not a place.
- A fragment from one of Kabir's poems describes that state:
"There is a land where no doubt nor sorrow have rule:
Where the Terror of Death is no more.
There the woods of spring are a-bloom,
And the fragrant scent "He is I" is borne on the wind.
There the bee of the heart is deeply immersed,
And desires no other joy."
Kabir, Songs of Kabir, translated by R. Tagore, 1917 edition.
(Cosmo Pub, 24-B, Ansari Rd., New Delhi 110002, 1985).
- On the attainment of mystical union:
- Plotinus describes the ascent to mystical union; the
culmination; and the descent again, as follows:
"Many times it has happened: lifted out of the body into myself;
becoming external to all other things and self-encentred;
beholding a marvellous beauty; then, more than ever, assured of
community with the loftiest order; enacting the noblest life,
acquiring identity with the divine; stationing within It by
having attained that activity; poised above whatsoever within
the Intellection to reasoning, and after that sojourn in the divine,
I ask myself how it happens that I can now be descending, and
how did the Soul ever enter into my body, the Soul which, even
within the body, is the high thing it has shown itself to be."
Plotinus, Enneads , translated by Stephen MacKenna (Penguin,
London, 1991),IV.8:1.
- Plotinus speaks about the return from mystical union in the following passage:
"Time at first - in reality before/ that 'first' was produced by
desire of succession - Time lay, though not yet as Time, in the
Authentic Existent together with the Cosmos itself; the Cosmos
also was merged in the Authentic and motionless within it.
But there was an active principle there, one set on governing
itself and realizing itself (= the All-Soul), and it chose to aim at
something more than its present: it stirred from its rest, and the
Cosmos stirred with it. 'And we (the active principle and the
Cosmos), stirring to a ceaseless succession, to a next, to the
descrimination of identity and the establishment of ever new
difference, traversed a portion of the outgoing path and
produced an image of Eternity, produced Time."
Plotinus, Enneads III.7.11 translated by Stephen MacKenna
(Penguin, London, 1991).
- The central tenet of the Jewish religious teachings of my
boyhood had been realized:
-
"Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai Echad.
Hear Oh Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is One."
Moses (Deuteronomy. 6:4)
-
"There cannot be any belief in the unity of God except by admitting that He is one simple substance, without any composition or plurality of elements; one from whatever side you view it, and by whatever test you examine it; not divisible into two parts in any way and by any cause, nor capable of any form of plurality either objectively or subjectively ..."
Maimonides (Guide of the Perplexed I.51.2 [Friedlander trans.])
- On mystical union:
- The author prayed to a God with Form or a father-
like presence whom I called 'The Lord' during this fearful ordeal.
Because my heart was on fire the focus of my attention during my
prayers was within. It was prayer from the heart. My heart
opened up to Heaven. However, I found that the conception of
God with Form as a father-like presence, though of great
importance in stabilizing my mind throughout purgation or the Refiner's Fire,
was not verified in the Great Silence. Instead this conception,
which was only of the mind, vanished in the Great Ocean of
Nirvana: God without Form.
- Kena Upanishad 1.5
(from an inscription on the wall of the Temple at Banaras
Hindu University):
"That which can not be comprehended by mind but
by which the mind is comprehended - know that alone to be
Supreme Being and not this or that God whom ordinary people
worship."
- Godel Theorem: A system of axioms can never be
based on itself: statements from outside the system must be used
in order to prove its consistency.
Part B of the Introduction: The very beginning of my religious life and its slow development after mystical union.
I went to Southern California on a ten day vacation when I was 30 years old. I had been working very hard at an MIT spinoff company in Boston and needed a break. On that vacation I had a profound sixteen hour religious experience from noon on Sunday April 8th 1962 to about 1 am on April 9th,1962 (To read a narrative leading up to and including my religious experience, please read Part A of the Introduction). That sixteen hour religious experience has remained the most sacred hours of my life. I still remember and value and cherish the depth and greatness of that religious experience. The experience occurred naturally or spontaneously, without the use of drugs or herbs or meditation techniques (see Part A of the Introduction). The experience is usually called in Western culture, purgation culminating in mystical union. The 10 hour purgation experience is sometimes called The Dark Night of the Soul. Then purgation culminated in the profound 4 to 7 second religious experience of mystical union. I returned to Boston during the middle of that religious experience. After a day or or two I noticed that my mind began to lose some of its stability and deep concentration. It was clear to me that I needed advice or direction and a quiet, meditative religious environment in order to stabilize my system. So, with these two ideas in my mind, I decided to return to the monastery in Southern California, perhaps sometime around May 1962, and try to revisit or stay at the monastery up in the foothills of the Santa Ana mountains in Southern California. I had first visited that monastery during a one week vacation in early November 1961 (see Part A of the Introduction). I was very impresssed with the monastery's holy atmosphere. It seemed to me that it would be a good place for stablizing my system.
It turned out that I was allowed to stay at the Santa Ana Monastery beginning in May 1962. I then left my engineering job in Boston and settled down at the Santa Ana monastery. I was then given the role of a preprobationary monk at that monastery. The exact nature of that role was not specified, but I do recall I needed to be in a holy atmosphere, to settle down, and to learn how to proceed in my religious life. During the first two months at the monastery, May and June 1962, my mind and heart were experiencing both a very peaceful spiritual state and a state that
Csikszentmihalyi (1975)
calls a
flow state.
Around June I requested that Swami Prabhavananda, the profound and charismatic head of the monastery system, to kindly give me some instructions. His brief, but very profound, instructions will be presented and discussed in Section 2 of Part C of the Introduction. Then, in July the depth of my spiritual state and my flow state slowly began to lose its sacred quality. I tried, but I couldn't stop my spiritual state and my flow state from slowly returning to a normal state. Then, slowly, I began to find the monastery life incompatible and only stayed until November 1962. Thus, I stayed at the Santa Ana monastery for a total of seven months. Nevertheless, I am very grateful to Swami Prabhavananda of the Ramakrishna/Vivekananda Order for enabling me to stay at the monastery during those critical seven months. I then returned to Boston.
Then, for the next 15 years I tried to lead a religious life in the Boston area, using the simple instructions that had been given to me by Swami Prabhavananda at the Santa Ana monastery (see Part C of the Introduction). During those 15 years I was guided mainly by the promptings coming from my blessed heart (see section 2 of Part C of the Introduction). My aim during those 15 years was to rise to the greatness of a religious life. I was very much absorbed in this activity.
It was a very interesting, but very difficult, 15 years for me (see Part C of the Introduction). Some of my adventures and experiences during that period led me to some maturation: maturation of my mind, my heart, and my developing religious life.
My experiences during those 15 years and beyond also revealed to me some of my character flaws.
Then, toward the end of those 15 years, from 1973 to 1977, I took on a memorable, indeed fascinating, - but very stressful - four year experience as a night-shift cab driver in Boston. I needed to experience and understand some of the deep adventures that an independent life sometimes gives us. However, in 1977 it became clear to me that in taking on night-shift cab driving I had taken on more than I could handle. In 1977 I was 45 years old: I decided it was time to begin my climb, back up to engineering. That slow, but adventurous, climb back up to high tech engineering took about 7 years (see Part C of the Introduction).
As my return to engineering advanced, my mechanical engineering skills, my heat transfer skills, my physics skills, and my mathematical skills all began to sharpen up again. Later in 1984, when my analytical climb back up to high tech engineering began to level off, I began to reflect on the 22 years since my religious experience: I recalled that ten years back, in 1974 - during the first or second year that I was driving the cab - I ran across
Prof. Jay W. Forrester's powerful system dynamics (SD) methodology
while browsing at the MIT bookstore. To my surprise, Forrester's advanced and very subtle SD methodology looked relatively easy to me. However, after I had become more familiar with Forrester's analytical ways, I understood why his SD methodology seemed relatively easy. He seemed to be constantly using the first principle of engineering: Keep It Simple. Also, I noticed that Forrester and his associates - and even some of the MIT undergraduate students working with them - were able to apply SD to deeply comprehend the dynamics of a great variety of very complex social systems. In short, it looked to me like I might be able to use Forrester's SD methodology to analyze the dynamics of my consciousness system underlying my religious experience of purgation.
So, after I had gone through the stressful cab driving adventure as far as I could go, I started to sharpen up my engineering and physics skills again. I was awakening and beginning to find myself. I was slowly beginning to emerge from my social training during the years from 4 or 5 years old to my graduation from the engineering school at the University of Minnesota. I got the MSME degree when I was 24 years old in 1956.
So, in 1984 I was slowly waking up, but in 1984 I was 52 years old! I began to realize that I didn't have much time. If I were to scientifically comprehend my religious experience, I had to make my move: So, in 1984 the General Theory of Religion Project began. It was not the beginning, though. I had sensed for a number of years that my heart, my soul, and my mind were slowly putting together the structure of a new and important comprehension of my religious life: Using System Dynamics (SD) to penetrate to the very core of religion.
Part C of the Introduction: My religious and scientific development during the years that followed mystical union:
In this chapter I will attempt to explain how my life has benefited from my experience of purgation culminating in mystical union (PMU). At the same time I will try to explain how I am attempting to work out my salvation with diligence.
1. The Early Period Leading Up to PMU.
After graduating high school in June 1949 I eventually found a job in July at a bank in downtown Minneapolis. My job was to add up checks and sort them. However, my real aim was to bring my tennis game up to a championship level. So, everyday I brought my athletic bag to work and stored it under my machine. Then, after work I would play tennis until dark.
However, after working for 6 months the Korean war broke out. I was going to be 18 in March. So, I ducked into the university. Meanwhile, Bougetz and other dynamite guys from my class volunteered. Some came home killed or maimed. (It is good for me to keep in mind those precious classmates.)
I studied engineering at the University of Minnesota [MS (Mechanical Engineering) 1956] and have worked on and off as a high tech research and development engineer, mostly in Boston. My engineering career extended from 1957 to 1989, but I only spent a total of 15 of those 32 years working as an engineer.
The direction of my life, my thought, and my high tech analytical research changed in a very profound way in April 1962 when I was 30 years old. I had a 16 hour religious experience, centered at the very deepest level of my heart. The experience occurred after visiting a monastic retreat in Southern California during a 10 day vacation. The vacation was taken after completing an intense and stressful engineering project
(see Part A of the Introduction).
In the West this religious experience is often called
purgation
culminating in
mystical union
(PMU). My heart had opened up and
the sacred spirituality at the very core of my being
was revealed to me, indeed, was revealed to every cell in my mind and body. This religious experience occurred naturally, without the use of drugs or herbs or meditation techniques. A religious conversion like this transcends everything else in one's life. For example, for 15 years after the religious experience in 1962, my use of high tech engineering analysis had essentially shut down. Such analyses no longer seemed so very important or meaningful to me.
2. Sacred Psychotherapy.
A month after I experienced PMU I went back to the monastic retreat in Southern California in the role of a preprobationary monk. I went to the retreat, mainly, because I needed to get some direction for my budding religious life. However, once I was in the monastery I settled into a
flow state
(Csikszentmihalyi 1975)
that lasted two months, a kind of divine flow state.
In this state of balance, harmony, and groundedness at the monastery, I pondered on some questions: How does one go about building a sound life? What do I do now in this state of mind? I searched for an understanding of my religious experience. I tried to comprehend the incredible greatness I had experienced. However, even though I was in a high spiritual state, my mind was just baffled by the question of how I should proceed from here and what direction to take in my religious life.
At this critical stage of my budding religious life, the key direction for my religious life was given to me by
Swami Prabhavananda
of the Ramakrishna Order of India. He was the charismatic head of the Southern California wing of the Order, which included this monastery. After I had stayed about 4 or 5 weeks at the monastery I requested the swami to tell me how I should proceed in my religious life. He told me to think of the Lord as residing at the deepest part of my heart and to meditate on that. I did not know what he meant by meditation and I shied away from asking him, because I didn't want the swami or anyone else to become my master. I wanted to remain free. Nevertheless, after PMU I realized that my heart was my treasure: The swami was on the right track. So, I have stayed with the essence of the advice he gave me, although I have adjusted certain aspects over the years. The swami, wisely, didn't tell me what to use as the image of the Lord. He didn't suggest Ramakrishna or Jesus or Buddha, etc. The blessed swami left that critical decision to me.
My immediate ancestors were all culturally Jewish, but not particularly religious. However, because all four of my grandparents were Jewish, the essence of Judaism was somewhat ingrained in me. This essence is contained in the Shema. I had always interpreted the Shema - with the loving help of my father and mother, together with the teachings of Rabbi Minda - as follows: The Lord is One; The Lord is formless.
Thus, after the many years since the brief advice given to me by the swami in 1962, I have now settled down with the following kind of religious psychotherapy, as I 'work out my salvation with diligence.' I call this psychotherapy, sacred psychotherapy (SP). My psychiatrist is the Lord:
- The Lord, residing at the deepest part of my heart, is formless. Stated another way, the very core of my heart is sacred.
- My sacred heart knows, step by step, what it will need during the process of healing, growth, rebuilding, and reintegration after PMU.
- My understanding of meditation is that it is an informal process. It is a process by which I learn to master the art of listening to the moment by moment promptings of my blessed and sacred heart.
- My task is to learn to follow my sacred heart, moment by moment, using the above kind of informal meditation. My sacred heart will lead me during the process of overcoming my heart's arrested development. That development had been arrested between the ages of 9 or 10, when I had a trauma and a dozen or so muscles in my heart had become cramped or paralyzed, to the age of 30, when all the cramped or paralyzed muscles were released.
-
My two prayers are:
- Lord, teach me how to pray.
- Lord, guide me.
- Overcoming my arrested development occurs by a natural healing process. It is a process that will lead me to manhood (to be a mensch) and to the realization of my full potential.
(I know about my full potential: It was experienced during mystical union.)
- The deepest part of my heart is the Lord of my life. My direction comes from there. The sacred, at the deepest part of my heart, is the center of my life. My brain, however powerful it is, is not the Lord of my life. The will or ego associated with my brain and senses need to be firmly brought into harmony with the promptings of my sacred heart. That is the road!
- Ideally, SP is a moment by moment adventure with the promptings of one's sacred heart.
After many years this is the way SP has developed or evolved. Certainly, I am not at the end of the road. I am not a mensch. I have not attained my full potential, but this is the way I am now traveling on the road. I believe this approach is a good operational meditation and religious philosophy for a person like me. I am dealing with the blessed release of the effects of a childhood trauma. Specifically, I believe this means the release or
abreaction
of heart muscles that had become cramped/paralyzed at the age of 9 or 10 and then eventually released at the age of 30. After mystical union in 1962 I needed to attend to my blessed heart in a sacred way. The development of my blessed heart had been arrested for 20 or 21 years! So, at 30 years of age my blessed heart began the process of healing itself and growing toward manhood. Despite my powerful will and ego, I have had to learn - from the age of 30 to the present - that my first priority is to serve the promptings of my sacred heart. I have had to become the servant of my sacred heart. I have failed so many times in this process, but I get right back up and try again. The blessed Lord forgives.
3. Right Livelihood.
In 1962, a few months after Swami Prabhavananda had given me the advice on how to proceed, I slowly began to find the monastery was not a compatible environment for my particular religious life. After seven months in the monastery I left, eventually returning to Boston. However, I kept in touch with the Ramakrishna Order. I found the insights of certain monks and devotees of the Ramakrishna Order to be helpful as the years went by. I admired the way one of the monks conducted himself. The Order kindly allowed me to roam somewhat freely throughout their system without requiring me to join or commit myself to the Order. This roaming within the Order included various Ramakrishna Order locations in the US - particularly Boston - a retreat near Paris, and a few locations in India.
The structure underlying the roaming, searching, and floundering in the Boston area between 1964 and 1984 circled around the practical question: What is my 'right livelihood?' I needed to make a living. But, what job should I look for? My heart sensed that engineering was not the right job for me during this stage of my religious life. Instead, I felt, deep in my heart, that I had to allow my heart to heal, to rebuild itself, to grow, and to reintegrate itself with my entire neurophysiological system and with the whole of society. This work has continued from 1962 all the way to the present moment. In chronological order, starting in 1964, this exploration in Boston into my 'right livelihood' included working with my father in his garden (six months); working as a carpenter's helper partitioning apartment houses in Dorchester (nine months); an inner city teacher at a vocational-technical institute in Roxbury (four years); an observer at an experimental 'open school' in Framingham (three years); and then a volunteer hospital orderly in Cambridge (one year). At the time, I considered these activities as earnest searches for my right livelihood.
As I stated previously, after PMU in 1962 my blessed heart was now growing and developing again after the release of the trauma. My child-like heart had always dreamed of adventure, but in the years from 9 or 10 years old to my college years I was always afraid to go too far from 'home', afraid to go too far from my family's hopes and dreams for me. Also, my limited choices during college (during the Korean War) had tended to slowly narrow my natural abilities and to make me into a specialist. After PMU it was clear to me I needed to broaden my experience if I were to rise to the greatness of a religious life, to an adventure with my growing and developing heart, as it healed, rebuilt, and reintegrated itself.
{Let me interrupt my narrative of my earnest search for my right livelihood, here, and use this paragraph to reflect on the vocational-technical institute (VTI): In 1965 the VTI began and it was drawing in street smart young men (about 18 or 19 years old) for a two year education. I may be wrong but I believe one of the schools aims was to allow the students - Italian, Irish, Polish, Blacks, Jews, you name it - to avoid the draft for a couple of years so they could gain a little wider maturity, and could get some technical job training. Those young men came from all corners of the inner city of Boston. The expanding Vietnamese War was a factor here, driving these young men to the school. There was something about the vocational-technical institute that had a deep affect on me: Those street smart young men from all the corners of the inner city of Boston were teaching me, although they didn't know it. All I could teach them were academic things. Later, I heard about some of their experiences after they graduated from the vocational-technical institute and went to war: As the years went by I would think back - from time to time - about some of those young men and their character. Eventually, as I began to awaken a little to the essence of character, it dawned on me: Some of those guys had a power within their heart and soul that couldn't be stopped: Where did they learn that? It seemed to me that some of them were able to deal with the war and when they got back home they seemed to be able to deal with that also.}
4. Cab Driving Adventure.
Now, back to the narrative of my search for my right livelihood: Eventually, my savings ran out in March 1973. Again, seen from the present perspective, that was what my blessed heart was waiting for. It forced my heart to go to a deeper level of rebuilding and reintegrating. Thus, I left my volunteer hospital orderly job and found what I considered a good job for a philosopher or mystic: night-shift cab driver (Cambridge, four years). I stress the night-shift, because on that shift (for yellow cabs in Cambridge during the 1970s) the cab driver was usually free to 'play the streets,' rather than be the slave of the radio dispatcher. The drawback is playing the streets is more dangerous, but my blessed heart preferred danger to slavery. Back when I was a boy, maybe 13 or 14, I could hear some of the older boys making noise and hanging out on the streets of our neighborhood in Minneapolis until about 10pm or so during the warmer months of spring, summer and fall. What kind of adventures were they having in the night? I wanted to roam with them, but I was only 13 or 14. Instead, I stayed home and listened to the play by play radio broadcast of the Minneapolis Millers baseball team. The heart of that team was Bobby Estalella in center field. He would usually break open the game with a home run or something like that. How did he get like that?
Now at last, as a cab driver, I could roam the streets of the city - Boston and Cambridge this time - and observe, as a detached outsider, what was going on out there at night. Oh, what an adventure it was for the first 6 months. Then, as the economy disintegrated after the oil embargo of 1973, cab driving reverted to its difficult and more fundamental mode: a waiting game. This mode required skills and elements of character that, unfortunately, I found I did not possess. However, I struggled on.
Toward the end of those four years of cab driving I gradually had to face the reality of my situation: the stress was starting to become too much for me. Indeed, it was slowly killing me. But I delayed changing jobs. This brought me to a crisis from which I barely emerged. Eventually, I was willing to admit that the attempt at working as a cab driver was - at least for the time being - beyond my ability. To help me give it up, I rationalized that more time, experience, and character were needed. I rationalized that once I learned these very subtle skills, I would return to cab driving. I only knew that now I had to move on. So, I was able to pack up in my memory insights I had gained about myself, about the people I had met, and about the US social system. However, as seen from my present perspective, I believe learning cab driving skills must start way back on the streets and alleyways of the city, perhaps at 13 or 14 or 15, for one to have a chance at eventually doing the job like a mensch. All my cab driving was not wasted, however. After all the years of reflection since then on my four years of cab driving I have concluded that the fundamental ground of social life for cab drivers is Respect. As for integrating with the other cab drivers, that I couldn't do. I have always been a loner and a watcher and will always be one.
5. Return to Engineering.
Then, in July 1977 when I was 45 I managed to find my way back into engineering. Even in engineering my blessed heart needed time to broaden its experience. I went through a two and one half year engineering adventure before I was able to get back into my specialty as a heat transfer engineer. This adventure occurred naturally, because I had been out of engineering for 15 years. Having no money, I had to take what I could get. I started out with a contract or temporary job examining tooling - jigs and fixtures - in the tool crib of a company that was machining out parts and assembling them into precision instruments (six months). Then, slowly building up my resume, I worked as either a temporary engineer or consultant in energy auditing of complex buildings (on and off for 11 years), MHD engine testing on a contract (3 months), etc. Moving around like this, I got a broader perspective on the field of engineering and the all around variety of the working environment in Boston. Eventually, in December 1979 I arrived back into high tech with a temporary job as a heat transfer engineer, rearing to go! As I picked up my golden sword again, I began to relax.
Instead of working in a frenzy, as I had done at the MIT spinoff company,
I was working more calmly and with my heart. Also, my engineering report writing was more skilled now, more balanced, sharper. I worked as either a temporary heat transfer engineer or consultant or senior research engineer until 1987.
As I look back now on those very interesting 25 years from 1962 to 1987, it is becoming clear that this period was an adventure with my heart. My blessed childlike-heart - with its arrested development caused by the childhood trauma at the age of 9 or 10 - slowly and naturally and prayerfully began rebuilding and reintegrating itself as I grew toward manhood. Nevertheless, in 1984 when I was 52, my maturity was no longer 9 or 10 years old. I would estimate my maturity in 1984 was probably that of a 15 or 20 or 30 year old. The maturity of my blessed heart was still growing, but I was more balanced and more at peace with myself.
6. Reflections on some of my struggles in the inner city.
Here are a number of insights that emerged from this 25 year search:
- The search for truth in religion between 1962 to 1987 was unlike the search for truth of a theoretical mechanical engineer. I had no formalized analytical method to use during this search. I had no analytical methodology that could enable my mind to penetrate deeply into the subtleties of religion and the subtleties of my religious experience. There were down to earth experiences - though - and guidance that came from within, as my understanding of Sacred Psychotherapy(SP) developed.
- Between 1962 and 1987 I found that every job I tried was competitive in one way or another. I found that I was handicapped starting a new career when I was over 30, because I was not able to use my 'golden sword,' my beautiful analytical skills. I found that I was just out of place without my golden sword.
- I found that if I were to deepen my life - particularly my religious life - I needed to look within, to watch and study my mind as it operated, and to listen to my heart. I found this is how one goes about knowing oneself and learning how to guide oneself.
- I found that if I did not guide myself, I would become enslaved by the system in which I was operating:
It didn't matter whether the system was a high tech company spunoff from MIT,
a religion and its charismatic leader, a carpentry crew and its bright young crew chief, a school system and its principal, an experimental 'open society' school and its educational structure, a hospital orderly system, a cab driving system, etc.
- I found that one needs society, particularly its economic system. At the same time the economic system was capable of enslaving a person. Is there a way to break out of this enslavement? That is the dilemma that confronts the mystic and almost everyone else. I believe it is the central problem underlying our social life. Even if one is doing what one loves, there is a certain degree of conditioning and regimentation. (Perhaps, Picasso was not enslaved in this way.) Most people settle for a day or two of free time every week and then a few days vacation every year. However, I think the serious mystic tries to deal with the dilemma in a more focused way, because such a mystic has known
an unsurpassable freedom, integrity, trueness, and pure love
during his experience of mystical union and he or she will put up considerable resistance before settling for less. A serious mystic is dedicated to those
ego ideals
with all one's heart and soul and might. The life of the heart is a subtler kind of life. Ultimately, it is society's recognition of the mystic's serious approach to the dilemma that sometimes allows the mystic to have a role in society.
- It takes a lot to grow into a great mystic or a sage. I believe only a few get there. Most of the time growing mystics are out there just floundering like me. From the perspective of practical people, people who are living a worldly life, my life appears to be a tragedy, a complete failure, a bad example, a delusion, or that I am deceiving myself or running from myself. As a result, the great variety of social systems encountered by the growing mystic will all push him around, show him contempt, test him, expose him to ridicule, and threaten to throw him into the hands of a psychiatrist. Mystics in the growing stage eventually learn,
by a wide-ranging and great variety of hard knocks, that such reactions by society are inevitable. Nevertheless, the mystics who walk amongst us struggle on until they find their way or until they die,
always remembering and always guided by their sacred heart, their ego ideals, or the deep insights gained during the unsurpassable Greatness, experienced during mystical union.
7. The Early Analytical Period.
In 1984 when I was 52 years old and had reestablished myself in high tech engineering again, and had been working in that capacity, on and off, for a period of five years; I began to realize that I was getting old and time was running out for me in my quest. At that point I realized that I had to deepen my religious quest. This nudged me toward a different approach to religion. I did not abandon my religious quest, but I approached it in a different, perhaps more intelligent, way: I began to realize that the only thing I really knew about religion was my experience of PMU. I firmly believed that - with my experience of PMU - I held the key to religion, but here again I didn't know how to proceed.
In this new, more focused, and more rational approach to my religious life, I realized that in order to proceed I needed to find and then apply the appropriate formalized analytical method. I believe this is the way most theoretical mechanical engineers would like to proceed in this situation. I recalled that in my religious wanderings I had come across an analytical technique in 1974 that looked promising. It was Jay W. Forrester's System Dynamics (SD). (The book I had skimmed at that time was Forrester's great book, World Dynamics.)
So, in 1984 - between jobs - I began to read, to study, and to use the SD method. I sat in on an SD seminar at MIT for the Fall semester of 1984. Jim Hines, with his causal loop diagram technique, and Ulrich Goluke, with his SD model of the alcoholism addiction, were very helpful in getting me started. Then, in December I began to use SD's causal loop diagram technique to first recall and then organize the details of my entire
14 stage religious crisis
and my religious experience of PMU. Eventually, I began to focus in on PMU and make rough causal loop models of my religious experience. As I did this recall and organization of the details of PMU, I noticed powerful emotions were being released within me: I had caught fire again, like in the days at the MIT spinoff company
(see Part A of the Introduction).
It wasn't long before my preliminary work indicated that SD and the causal loop diagram technique had the potential to get me going toward analyzing core consciousness during the purgation phase of PMU. It was clear that SD was the analytical tool I needed in my spiritual life: It could bring about an integration of my analytical mind and my sacred heart. It could integrate my talent for making an engineering analysis with
my love of God
and religion. Here was a way for me to meditate on God and the religious life. Here was my 'right livelihood'! Thus, I began to settle down into the meditative religious life in the role of a system dynamicist, developing such a magnificent religious and scientific breakthrough. SD and its various techniques would become my new 'golden sword'! This development, this scientific project, this deep spiritual meditation has been going on since 1984. If it is the Lord's will, I will continue this blessed, ever-deepening meditation for the rest of my life.
8. Reflections on Later Stages of the Analytical Period.
Underlying my activities since 1984 is prayer. I always prayed alone. My prayers were always directed toward the Lord. In my prayers the Lord resides within my blessed heart (see section 2 of Part C of the Introduction). My first allegiance is to the Lord. The society in which I live must be secondary. As I have said above, in my work I have usually operated as a maverick or temporary worker ever since 1962. That independent habit or orientation toward work tends to free my mind and soul. It is probably the main reason why - in my scientifically-based, religious work - I have emerged from nowhere as an independent scholar (1984 to present).
I am now one of the many independent scholars who think and live in Cambridge, close to the libraries at MIT and Harvard. I feel comfortable in the role of an independent scholar, because if I am to get to the Truth I need to avoid the subtle cultural conditioning and political correctness that sometimes captures and enslaves the mind of the professional scholar, particularly those professional scholars who have chosen to work in the highly politicized areas of the social sciences, the humanities, and religion. Because of my independent orientation, I find there is no conditioning or political correctness that bars my way as I penetrate toward the truths existing at the deepest level of the inner life. As a result, I am opening up those truths and am continuing to open them up after a long scientific analysis of PMU that began in 1984. This book manuscript is centered on those truths.
However, despite the fact that considerable progress toward the truth has been uncovered and understood by my scientific analyses of PMU,
I am finding that this progress is not yet acceptable to cultural and scientific authorities, academic leaders, and protectors of religion.
Those leaders have the skills - and the power given to them by their culture - to either compel or influence the minds of other academic scholars and thinkers. The problem of publishing or communicating my work is only partially overcome by publishing on the web. At present all of the professional scholars and leaders, reading both
my scientific publications
and this web site, are silent.
This project or book manuscript goes very deep. Ultimately, I believe it has the capability of producing a great awakening of mankind's understanding of the subtlety and depth of religion. It is fitting and proper that academic scholars and their leaders take their time to try to comprehend and integrate their minds with such subtlety and depth and to evaluate the possible impact these ideas could have on a society and culture.
I tend to believe that, in the long run, truth is always the best course to take. My position is similar to that of Revel (1991): If scientists and other scholars do not pursue and then establish truth,
'insincerity, the ideological manipulation of facts and the tendentiousness of clan rivalries'
will move into the vacuum and mislead the precious scholars throughout the world who are fervently seeking the truth.
As I wait and try to bear my isolation, I just try to write better and to sharpen my analysis. I am comforted by the fact that I am growing in my religious life, my mind is deepening, and I am working on something that is great: Clarifying the subtlety and depth of religion, and its effect on the subtlety and depth of the inner life and its effect on deeply integrating the mind and heart. In short, I am trying to integrate science and religion (please see Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6).
The search for truth is not new to me. I got into the habit when I was an engineer. I have found that truth is respected in engineering more than in any other kind of work. The reason is quite simple. If engineers do not abide by truth, the machines being designed and built will not perform properly. Closely related to truth is the character of the engineers and the managers. For example, sometimes management needs to cut costs. Under certain conditions, this could undermine the performance and reliability of the machine. In that situation truth becomes a battleground between management and engineering. What occurs on that battleground determines not only the performance and reliability of the machine but the spirit and enthusiasm of the engineers, technicians, and managers and, ultimately, the success or failure of the company.
High tech mechanical engineering is scientifically based, mainly in differential equations and physics. Experience, imagination, and creativity are also important. I was mainly an analytical mechanical engineer. I have some insight into the remarkable ability of a high tech engineering analysis in comprehending the very subtlest aspects of the operation of a machine. The problem is this subtle kind of thought and analysis, found in high tech engineering, is usually focused on the operation of machines of one sort or another. However, intellectuals and scientists should be aware that the techniques of high tech engineering are capable of much greater kinds of applications. Concern for the operation of a machine is a very limited sphere of interest compared to the vast interests of the human mind, as it strives toward Truth or Veritas.
In this book I have broken out of that narrow engineering sphere of interest. My high tech engineering analysis is focused on, perhaps, one of the most important or most central questions facing mankind: Understanding of the operation of the mind and the body and their relationship to the heart and to
core consciousness
during both the release of a childhood trauma and its association with a religious experience. In short, I am using system dynamics (SD) to penetrate to the very core of religion. My high tech analysis of my religious experience uses the formalized system dynamics (SD) methodology as a base and then goes on to use it as the powerful SD-based Transcendental Feedback Phenomenological (TFP) methodology. These methodologies are applied to analyze my core consciousness during my deep religious experience. This formalized phenomenological analysis is the key methodology underlying the general theory of religion (GTR). More importantly, it is
the key to breaking the deadlock that is now holding back the development of both science and religion (see Chapter 5).
Now, I need to take a little time to clarify the above paragraph and the various paragraphs above it, because those paragraphs are among the most crucial paragraphs of the book.
It is necessary to list key changes that began to occur in me after PMU from 1962 to the present. These key changes came to me, at least in part, from my high tech analyses of purgation made between 1984 and the present and now are beginning to be presented in Chapters 1 and 2 of this book. This key information will be important for our understanding as we proceed:
- After getting the very beginning phase of Chapter 1 solidly underway, between 1984 and 2007, I began to suspect that certain cramped or paralyzed muscles deep in my heart had been spontaneously released during the 10 hour purgation phase of PMU.
(At the time of my religious experience I did not understand that the release of cramped muscles in my heart had occurred. Nor did I understand that the origin of the cramping or paralyzation of these heart muscles could have been due to
a childhood trauma that I had experienced way back when I was 9 or 10 years old.
The connection between the cramping or paralyzation of my heart muscles, the trauma, and PMU only emerged later, after I had started to make both the system dynamics(SD) based and TFP based formalized, phenomenological analysis of my core consciousness during PMU in 2008. Now, as my analysis goes deep Step III of the TFP methodology is becoming very important. It is the eidetic reduction phase or transcendental grounding phase of the TFP methodology. Those Step III insights are starting to unlock my understanding of the origin of PMU.)
- After experiencing PMU I had the feeling I had found the rock on which to build a sound life.
(I believe this feeling came about because underlying PMU was the fact that certain muscles had been released from my heart after having been cramped or paralyzed there for a period of 20 or 21 years - from the age of 9 or 10 to the age of 30. [During these 20 or 21 years my development had been arrested.] Thus, at the age of 30 - just after PMU - my heart, though still undeveloped at 30 years of age, was relatively sound and free and running true again. With this change in state of my heart, I sensed a firm, grounded quality in my mind and heart. In this state I felt I could finally begin to build a sound life. [Please note that just after PMU - at 30 years of age - I was not really aware of the fact that my development had been arrested.])
9. Preliminary Summary.
Please keep in mind that this Part C of the Introduction is really only a draft: Nevertheless, here is a summary of some of the key elements I am now wrestling with, as I try to deal with the core of my understanding of PMU:
- The 21 months leading up to PMU, which is narrated in
Part A of the Introduction,
is important. It is important that I focus in on my life at that critical time. It consisted of my versatile work at the MIT spinoff company, my independent and original
heat transfer work in plant physiology,
my all out effort to straighten out my personal life (see Part A of the Introduction), and my interaction with the Ramakrishna Order. Also, hidden deep within me was my simple Jewish religious preparedness, taught to me between the time of my early childhood through to the time of my early teens, etc. These are some of the key factors that had awakened me to the deepest technical and spiritual level I was capable of at that time. I am asking myself: What was the relationship of those key factors with my life at that time and with PMU and with the release of my trauma?
- Just before PMU, during my 10 day visit at the LA Monastery (see Part A of the Introduction), I suspect that Swami Prabhavananda, alertly, saw that my trauma was ripe for release. Though I am not sure: There is a 50/50 chance that he may have given the trauma its final push, but not with his will. I suspect he had the spiritual power within him to spontaneously accomplish this final push. Also, just before I left the LA Monastery at noon on April 8,1962 to take my return flight to Boston and experience PMU, I recall he gave an inspiring Sunday morning lecture on the key religious experience - mystical union - known in the Hindu religion as samadhi.
- I had no Hindu religious preparedness before my experience of PMU.
However, I had experienced Reform Jewish religious preparedness when I was a boy or youth in Sunday School. I believe one needs to develop religious preparedness at a young age, perhaps between 5 and 13 years of age. How could I ever have developed Hindu, Moslem or other religious preparedness after the age of 30 years old? Thanks to my parents and Rabbi Minda of Temple Israel in Minneapolis, when my trauma began its release, my precious Jewish religious preparedness - developed when I was a child and a youth and existing quietly in my subconscious - awoke and kept me stable throughout the trauma's release. As you will soon read from Key #1 of Chapter 2, this was when I had to 'walk the plank.' I suspect that Swami Prabhavananda understood, far more deeply than I, the importance to me of my Jewish religious preparedness during the time he knew me. As a result, he never really encouraged me to become a Hindu or become a member of the Ramakrishna Order.
Please note, though, that despite these insights he did not decide to reject me. He just let things flow in a natural way: Such are the ways of a great religious man.
- The GTR is emerging - in part - from my long attempt to wrestle with, integrate, and comprehend the above factors.
Part D of the Introduction: A Heat Transfer Specialist Awakens, Begins to Broaden His Mind, Becomes a System Dynamicist, and Takes on the Role of an Independent Scholar.
Most religions were generated by a single individual who had a peak experience. However, most of those religions were gradually conditioned and tamed by social forces, were compromised, and then degenerated into their present form. My solution to this degeneration problem has been to develop a general theory of religion (GTR). The focus of the GTR has been to scientifically examine the permanent data of my phenomenological or
core consciousness
system residing in my long term memory (LTM). That data had been permanently stored in my LTM during my peak experience. As we shall see, it was in this way that the GTR has established a permanent, scientific base for the core of all religions.
However, many religious people will make the following point: "We should examine the peak experience of people like Moses, the sages of the Upanishads, Parmenides, Buddha, Jesus, Mohammed, Ramakrishna, or other revered avatars and saints!" My response has been that there is not enough data in the sacred texts associated with the Avatars. My position is that many people have had a peak experience. However, only a few of those people have been known and have had followers: After the peak experience some have become arhats or avatars; others - those who have attained steady wisdom - have become bodhisattvas [Buddhist], sthitaprajnas (The Bhagavadgita II:54-72), saints [Christian], etc. Others have anonymously devoted themselves to family and community and, if they are recognized, are sometimes called a mensch, a standup guy [US slang], etc. Still, other mystics are problematic and difficult to categorize. In my opinion it would be best to have an avatar or a saint or a mensch make a scientific analysis of his or her peak experience so we could base the general theory of religion on that analysis. However, no avatar or saint or mensch has stepped forward. As a result - for the time being - the scientific analysis must be based on an analysis of my own experience. I give the following credentials for such an undertaking:
- I experienced purgation, culminating in mystical union, in 1962.
- I have been immersed in religious thinking since then.
- I have never joined any religion.
In 1984, I began a lone, relentless study of SD, particularly focused on how SD should be applied to analyze my religious experience. In doing so, I gradually found that the politics associated with religion was such that, if I wanted to get at the Truth, it was absolutely necessary that I take on the role of an independent scholar:

The painting shown above is by the American painter, Winslow Homer, and is entitled 'Fog Warning.' It is displayed at the Boston Museum of Fine Arts: It represents, for me, the mystic struggling to return home - against long odds - after having gained the Great Catch: The knowledge of God during mystical union.
Chapter 1. Scientific Analysis of my Religious Experience, Leading Toward the General Theory of Religion:
In early 2008 - after a relentless 24 year effort, focused on the GTR Project - I attained my religious and scientific goals: I established a
three step, presuppositionless, system dynamics(SD)-based, phenomenological methodology for analyzing the data in my long term memory (LTM). My LTM permanently contained what is called either my dynamic core consciousness or my dynamic inner phenomena.
This data was permanently recorded in my LTM during
my 1962, ten-hour, subjective, religious experience of purgation.
I call the three step methodology, Transcendental Feedback Phenomenology (TFP). My strategy had been to establish TFP, while at the same time apply it to analyze the data in my LTM during my ten-hour religious experience of purgation. As a result, Steps I and II of the TFP methodology are able to describe my 1962, ten-hour experience of purgation by modeling and simulating the contents or data in my LTM. The flow diagram or feedback system for purgation, shown at Figure 2 on the next page - and its mathematical model that follows it - is the base for my consciousness simulations associated with the dynamics of my religious experience of purgation. The simulations of my consciousness associated with my religious experience are shown at Figures 1 and 3.
Then, in the final step - Step III - of the TFP methodology I made a scientifically-based eidetic reduction of my experience of purgation. That is, the analysis associated with Step III reveals the dynamics of the physical objects - or the dynamic noumena - being released in my neurophysiological system during my religious experience. Those dynamic physical objects or dynamic noumena being released were driving the 38 core consciousness variables in Figure 2 associated with my experience of purgation. That is, the 38 variables associated with my inner phenomena or my core consciousness are presented in the feedback system or flow diagram at Figure 2 on the next page. Those 38 dynamic inner phenomena variables or dynamic core consciousness variables were permanently located in my LTM, ever since the time (1962) when I experienced purgation. I found that the dynamic noumena - functioning during my dynamic purgation experience - probably had the following material form: About a dozen sets of cramped or paralyzed antagonistic heart muscles were being released, one by one, in my neurophysiological system. These particular dynamic sets of cramped or paralyzed antagonistic heart muscles were known by philosophers, phenomenologists, and physiologists as the noumena in this case. The dynamics of these noumena were driving the dynamics of my inner phenomena or the dynamics of my core consciousness. My eidetic reduction of my religious experience revealed the dynamic physical objects or the noumena and allowed me to comprehend the physical reality of my religious experience of purgation.
Once I was able to use Step III to determine or identify the probable dynamic physical objects in my neurophysiological system that were probably associated with the noumena, I then slowly began to recall the details of my early life when I was 9 or 10 years old. That was when I was traumatized. Then, I began to conjecture that the dozen sets of cramped antagonistic heart muscles had probably become cramped or paralyzed during my childhood trauma (see Section B of Key #1 of Chapter 2 shown about seven or eight pages below). Eventually, I began to conjecture that over a period of 20 or 21 years those cramped heart muscles slowly became ripe - like apples on a tree - and then were spontaneously being released in 1962 during my experiencing of purgation when I was 30 years old. In this way I began to understand the dynamics of my religious experience. But, in order to gain those insights I had to use the three steps of the TFP methodology and I had to be willing to make the above 24 year effort. Most importantly, though, I was relentlessly driven by my need to know about the origin of my profound religious experience.
Keep in mind that
my ten-hour experience of purgation
just preceded the
estimated four-to-seven second experience of mystical union.
During mystical union the analyst experiences what I believe is the very ground or core of his or her being. From my experience, I think mystical union lies at the very ground or heart of both philosophy and religion. However, also keep in mind that the profound experience of mystical union is not dynamic.
It is a timeless and changeless experience.
As a result, it is an experience that cannot be analyzed using SD. However, I think mystical union eventually can be analyzed - but probably not completely - beginning with the first law of thermodynamics. The analysis of my experience of mystical union will be attempted in Volume II of the General Theory of Religion or GTR Project. However, my ten hour, dynamic experience of purgation is my focus now in this Volume I of the GTR Project.
Let us now take the above four paragraphs and clarify them a bit in the following seven or eight pages of the rest of this Section. These seven or eight pages will reveal the substance of the General Theory of Religion Project:
My scientific analysis of the dynamic core consciousness data or phenomena data associated with purgation indicates that the data of
core consciousness
during purgation was immediately or spontaneously being permanently stored in my long term memory (LTM), while I was having my religious experience. Then, 22 years later (in 1984) my exploration of that permanent - but dynamic moment by moment - LTM data for purgation began. It began with Step I of the TFP methodology. Step I allows the analyst to explore and the roughly structure the permanent LTM data for purgation. It uses the SD-based, causal loop diagram technique, but the reader should note that the causal loop diagram technique is not mathematically based. Because of this the Step I exploration is helpful, but is not scientific. Nevertheless, that Step I technique enabled me to begin the TFP-based model, shown in Figure 2, of my inner phenomena system or my inner core consciousness system going on during purgation. Step I was just the beginning of my exploration of purgation. In Step II I began using Forrester's powerful SD methodology to scientifically describe the dynamics of my consciousness during my experience of purgation. That is, in Step II I mathematically modeled and simulated core consciousness, also called the inner phenomena, associated with purgation. The SD-based, phenomenological structure or noema for purgation is shown in
Figure 2.
Its associated mathematical model is shown just below Figure 2.
I spent ten years - from 1984 to 1994 - using Steps I and II. I spent about two years using Step I. Then, I spent about eight years using Step II. In doing so, I scientifically structured a 38 variable, SD-based, phenomenological model of purgation and its associated
mathematical model.
During the first years of using Step II I had obtained a fairly good mathematically-based, preliminary model of purgation's core consciousness. Then, during the last years of that 10 year period I began using an iterative technique to refine the structure of Step II's preliminary mathematical model, so that the model slowly became a much more refined and accurate model. The iterative technique of Step II consisted of constantly repeating the following iterative cycle:
- Compare the model's various core consciousness simulations with the corresponding LTM data for purgation.
- Revise either purgation's preliminary mathematical model or restructure the Figure 2 purgation feedback structure or both, using the insights gained from item #1 of this 3 item iterative cycle.
- Having made the revisions at item #2, simulate all the important variables of the model again.
After deepening the structure of the model in Step II by using the iterative technique, I found that I became able to more accurately model and simulate - moment by moment - the 38 variables associated with my particular core consciousness system for purgation. This refinement was carried on over the last years of that ten year period of Step II. The resulting model is shown at Figure 2, just below. In this way both the description of core consciousness during purgation and the structure of the model of purgation became more refined and more accurate. In addition my simulations of purgation allowed me to reexperience purgation and to think long and hard about it. This reexperiencing of purgation was occurring 32 years after I had first experienced it in 1962! It was a labor of love.
By using Steps I and II of the TFP methodology, the system dynamics model of my experience of purgation - shown at Figure 2 below - together with its associated mathematical model, enabled me to simulate my experience of purgation. The simulation of my entire religious experience is shown in Figure 1, which is located just after the mathematical model. Also very important is Figure 3, which is located just below Figure 1. It shows the simulation of the release of three knots in the heart during purgation.
Figure 2: The system dynamics model or flow diagram or noema or feedback system for core consciousness during purgation:

Mathematical model for purgation, emerging from my work on Steps I and II of the TFP methodology and on my work using the iterative technique associated with Step II:
- HeartOpenness(t) = HeartOpenness(t - dt) + (HeartUnfoldRate) * dt
INIT HeartOpenness = 5
- HeartUnfoldRate = (OpeningPressure-AveragePsychicStress)*((100-HeartOpenness)/100)/HeartAdjustTime
- KnotsInHeart(t) = KnotsInHeart(t - dt) + (- ForgivenessResponse) * dt
INIT KnotsInHeart = 12
- ForgivenessResponse = IF (PrayerQuality is greater than or equal to 100) THEN (1/DT) ELSE 0
- LongTermMemory1(t) = LongTermMemory1(t - dt) + (PrimaryInfoProcRate) * dt
INIT LongTermMemory1 = 0
- PrimaryInfoProcRate = IF (STMRetrieveAccuracy is less than or equal to 0.5) THEN (0) ELSE (ShortTermMemory*STMRetrieveAccuracy*RecodingFactor/STMRetentionTime)
- LongTermMemory2(t) = LongTermMemory2(t - dt) + (BackgroundInfPrRate) * dt
INIT LongTermMemory2 = 0
- BackgroundInfPrRate = InnerSensingRate-PrimaryInfoProcRate
- ShortTermMemory(t) = ShortTermMemory(t - dt) + (InnerSensingRate - BackgroundInfPrRate - PrimaryInfoProcRate) * dt
INIT ShortTermMemory = 7
- InnerSensingRate = 4200
- AdditionalOpenPress = 75
- AttentionalFocus = (WilledAttention+NaturalAttention)*.025
- AveragePsychicStress = SMTH1(PsychicStress,25)
- CognitAbilityFactor = 1
- InformationProcessingRate = IF (STMRetrieveAccuracy is less than or equal to 0.5) THEN BackgroundInfPrRate ELSE PrimaryInfoProcRate
- HeartAdjustTime = 240*HeartRigidityFactor
- KnotOriginInsight = .1*PrimaryInfoProcRate
- MaxBearableUnboundedness = 10/SealmentOfSoul
- NaturalAttention = TruenessOfMind + 36
- NormOpenPressure = 5
- OpeningPressure = NormOpenPressure + AdditionalOpenPress
- PrayerIntensity = FearDeathDueToKnot
- PrayerQuality = .5*(PrayerIntensity+PrayerTrueness)
- PrayerTrueness = KnotOriginInsight
- PsychicEnergyFactor = (100+HeartOpenness)/100
- Rapture = HeartOpenness
- Ratio = UnboundednessOfSoul/MaxBearableUnboundedness
- ReadinessForUnion = .00001/(STMRetentionTime-(1/600))^2
- RecodingFactor = (PsychicEnergyFactor*CognitAbilityFactor*((LongTermMemory1/140000)^(2/3)))+1
- STMRetentionTime = (4/60)/AttentionalFocus
- TruenessOfMind = 50/SMTH1(KnotsInHeart,1)
- WilledAttention = FearDeathDueToKnot
- FearDeathDueToKnot = GRAPH( (PsychicStress))
(0.00, 0.00), (10.0, 0.00), (20.0, 1.00), (30.0, 5.00), (40.0, 20.5), (50.0, 85.5), (60.0, 97.0), (70.0, 98.0), (80.0, 98.5),
(90.0, 99.0), (100, 99.5)
- HeartRigidityFactor = GRAPH(KnotsInHeart)
(0.00, 0.05), (1.20, 0.05), (2.40, 0.05), (3.60, 0.06), (4.80, 0.07), (6.00, 0.11), (7.20, 0.17), (8.40, 0.28), (9.60, 0.44),
(10.8, 0.67), (12.0, 1.00)
- PsychicStress = GRAPH(Ratio)
(0.00, 0.00), (0.1, 1.00), (0.2, 4.00), (0.3, 9.00), (0.4, 16.0), (0.5, 25.0), (0.6, 36.0), (0.7, 49.0), (0.8, 64.0), (0.9, 81.0),
(1, 100)
- SealmentOfSoul = GRAPH(KnotsInHeart)
(0.00, 0.0001), (1.20, 1.70), (2.40, 3.20), (3.60, 5.50), (4.80, 8.40), (6.00, 12.0), (7.20, 19.0), (8.40, 29.0), (9.60, 44.0),
(10.8, 66.0), (12.0, 100)
- STMRetrieveAccuracy = GRAPH(STMRetentionTime)
(0.00, 0.00), (0.00167, 0.00), (0.00333, 0.005), (0.005, 0.01), (0.00667, 0.02), (0.00833, 0.04), (0.01, 0.115),
(0.0117, 0.275), (0.0133, 0.47), (0.015, 0.61), (0.0167, 0.725), (0.0183, 0.8), (0.02, 0.84), (0.0217, 0.87), (0.0233, 0.895), (0.025, 0.92), (0.0267, 0.94), (0.0283, 0.955), (0.03, 0.965), (0.0317, 0.968), (0.0333, 0.971), (0.035, 0.974),
(0.0367, 0.977), (0.0383, 0.981), (0.04, 0.984), (0.0417, 0.987), (0.0433, 0.99), (0.045, 0.993), (0.0467, 0.996),
(0.0483, 0.999), (0.05, 1.00)
- UnboundednessOfSoul = GRAPH(HeartOpenness)
(0.00, 0.022), (10.0, 0.023), (20.0, 0.027), (30.0, 0.044), (40.0, 0.11), (50.0, 5.20), (60.0, 49.0), (70.0, 100), (80.0, 100), (90.0, 100), (100, 100)
Use a dt of .005 minutes.
Figure 1: Simulation of my entire 16 hour religious experience.
Figure 1 just below simulates only four variables of my 38 variable model of my 16-hour (or 960 minute) religious experience, but those four variables give a keen description of the dynamics of my religious experience. The 16-hour simulations describe stages 11, 12, 13, and 14 of my 16 hour religious experience. The 14 stages of my religious crisis are listed at Table I at Key #2. Key #2 follows Key #1 at Chapter 2. Chapter 2 presents The Keys to the GTR Project.

The eight items in the list below give a more detailed description of the stages of my 1962 religious experience, simulated in Figure 1 above.
(The timetable for my entire 16 hour religious experience is given in the eight stages given just below. Further detail is given in the narration at The Heart Begins to Open section of
Part A of the Introduction.
Please note that the simulations of the #3 and #4 PsychicStress variables in Figure 1, above, are not accurate between the 555 minute mark and the 617 minute mark. That is because the release of the knots in my heart were happening too fast to be simulated accurately when the simulation covers a 960 minute period. This can be easily corrected by using a much larger graph. For example, at times knots were being released every 30 or 60 seconds during that period. Figure 3 below also corrects that problem: It presents more detailed and more accurate two minute simulations of the key variables functioning during that relatively fast moving period when knots or cramped muscles were being released from my heart. Figure 3 also gives the reader a deeper understanding of how a knot in the heart was released.)
- 0 minute mark to the 60 minute mark: The simulation begins at noon Pacific Standard Time (PST). It starts with the 15 minute walk from the monastery to the cab stand, during which my heart began to open. This opening of my heart continued on until about the 180 minute mark and then was stable for about 6 hours. However, at the time of the arrival of the cab at the Los Angeles airport, my PsychicStress had not begun to rise yet.
- 60 minute mark to the 120 minute mark: The one-hour wait at the airport. The intensity of PsychicStress began to rise during this period.
- 120 minute mark to the 450 minute mark: The flight from LA to Boston,
leaving LA at about 2:00pm PST and arriving at Logan airport in Boston around 10:30pm EST. (Notice the preliminary peak in PsychicStress around the 180 minute mark. That peak served as a kind of warning to me to get ready for what was coming: The walking of the plank!)
- 450 minute mark to about 10 minutes before the 555 minute mark. This period began when I arrived at Logan airport and includes the discussion with the state police officer at the airport plus the cab ride from the airport to my apartment plus about one-hour of preliminaries - thinking, pacing the floor of my apartment, etc. - before lying down on my bed at about 10 minutes before the 555 minute mark. The 555 minute mark is when the crucial first knot in my heart was going to be completely released.
- About 10 minutes before the 555 minute mark to the 617 minute mark: This is the one-hour unstable or oscillating period of purgation during which the 12 KnotsInHeart are purged (Figure 3, just below, shows - by way of simulation - how the experiencer of purgation walks the plank during the release of 3 of the 12 KnotsInHeart.). The 10 minutes before the 555 minute mark were the most critical minutes of my life. That was when the first knot in my heart was going through the deep religious and neurophysiological process of being released. Those were the desperate 10 minutes when I really had to walk the plank. I have never been the same since those desperate ten minutes, particularly the final 3 or 4 minutes of those 10 minutes.
- The great experience of mystical union, lasting anywhere between 4 to 7 seconds, occurred around the 617 minute mark. (After the releasing of the dozen or so knots in my heart during purgation, the religious experience culminated in mystical union.)
- 617 minute mark to the 960 minute mark: Deep sleep.
- Awaken at sunrise to the Divine State at the 960 minute mark.
Thus, my religious experience included purgation (from 0 to around the 617 minute mark), mystical union (with a duration of around 4 to 7 seconds during the 617th minute), and deep sleep (with a duration of around 6 hours). The total experience was thus around 16 hours or 960 minutes. In summary: purgation lasted roughly 10 hours; deep sleep lasted roughly 6 hours (see Table I, below, at Key #2).
Figure 3: Two minute simulations during the walking of the plank.
Here are some two minute simulations during the release of three of the twelve knots in my heart during purgation. The gathering of these four critical simulations attempts to simply describe - via simulation - how the potential mystic
'walks the plank' for three of the twelve knots released during purgation.
The release of the crucial first knot is not shown simulated in Figure 3: The release of knots is shown only for the following knots: The 5th from last, the 4th from last, and the 3rd from last knots. Two of the simulations track the oscillation of the intensity of two critical variables,
FearDeathDueToKnot and PrayerQuality.
During the same two minute time period the other two simulations track (1) the decrease of the variable, KnotsInHeart, and (2) the rise of the variable, TruenessOfMind. As TruenessOfMind rises, it is eventually going to lead to mystical union when all 12 KnotsInHeart have been released. Notice in Figure 3 that a knot is released only when the variable, PrayerQuality, reaches 100%. Here is the mathematical model for the variable, PrayerQuality:
PrayerQuality = (0.5)*(PrayerIntensity + PrayerTrueness).......eq.1
Once I had obtained a certain degree of accuracy and mastery of both my model of core consciousness during purgation and the dynamic description of purgation culminating in mystical union, using Step II of the TFP methodology, I was ready to begin the final step: Step III of the TFP methodology. Step III is concerned with transcendentally grounding Figure 2, the Step II model of my core consciousness or my inner phenomena going on during my experience of purgation. Essentially, transcendentally grounding Figure 2 means identifying the dynamic noumena or the dynamic material objects in my neurophysiological system that were driving the 38
core consciousness
variables or phenomena variables associated with my Figure 2 phenomenological model of my experience of purgation. The leading phenomenologist, Edmund Husserl, called this Step III the eidetic reduction. However, I don't think Husserl's method for Step III is scientific. An indication of this is that Husserl called his method for performing the eidetic reduction, eidetic variation or imaginative variation or free phantasy
(Drummond 2008).
On the other hand, I believe Step III of my TFP methodology - used in this book manuscript for performing the eidetic reduction - is scientific. Here's why:
Though Immanuel Kant (1724-1804), Franz Brentano (1838-1917), Paul Natorp (1854-1924), the Marburg School of Neokantianism (1870-1920), Edmund Husserl (1859-1938), Ernst Cassirer (1874-1945), Aron Gurwitsch (1901-1973), and others
(see Holzhey 2005)
studied such phenomena deeply, they were unable to perform the eidetic reduction in a scientific way, because science was not advanced enough in the 18th, 19th, and the first half of the 20th century. Transcendentally grounding or performing the eidetic reduction of purgation or performing Step III could only have been attained after the first half of the 20th century, because it was only after World War II that the two critical breakthroughs in science, needed to perform the eidetic reduction, occurred. Those two breakthroughs were:
- The publication of the powerful
System Dynamics (SD) methodology
(Forrester 1961, 1968b).
- The invention of computers for implementing the SD methodology, particularly implementing the solution to sets of simultaneous nonlinear differential equations.
My preparation for developing a scientific method for performing Step III extended from 1994 to the early part of 2008. Much of the time that I used up during that 14 year process found me trying to understand the subtle and cunning fight going on between scientific scholars and religious scholars over the eidetic reduction. It seemed to me that the protagonists located in the middle of that fight were Husserl (science) and Heidegger (religion). The confusion over Truth in the very subtle field of Phenomenology was driven - in part- by a variety of religious scholars, like Heidegger, who - very naturally - didn't want to see religion undermined. These religious scholars were also religious professors who were hired to see that their religion was not undermined. That was their job. During that period, I spent a lot of time wrestling with the ideas thrown around by the religious scholars in phenomenology. Those ideas lacked a scientific or mathematical or engineering base for dealing with the eidetic reduction. In my case - due to the fact that I had carefully studied mechanical engineering and physics at the university - I had been trained to never compromise when trying to get at the Truth about machines. Now, with my mind and heart and soul focused on my analysis of my sacred religious experience, I could never back away from the Truth.
Also, I had a very difficult time understanding the published books of leading phenomenological thinkers and philosophers in the field of phenomenology. Here is an example: The first summary of the field of Phenomenology in the English language was written in German by Husserl. The plan was to translate Husserl's German summary into English and then publish it in the Encyclopaedia Britanica of 1929. For the first time the field of Phenomenology was going to be introduced to the English speaking world. Eventually, it was published on time, but it is now well known that
the translation from German into English had been strangely and misleadingly translated.
In addition, an important problem for me during my 14 years of introduction to Phenomenology was I had no deep training in philosophy. I was a rather naive engineer, a lone independent scholar, who had followed his nose and wandered into Phenomenology. I was not aware that the essence of the work I had cut out for myself was located right in the middle of an intellectual war between science and religion. Nevertheless, my long, floundering, 14 year study of the very difficult field of Phenomenology eventually resulted in my scientifically-based eidetic reduction of my experience of purgation.
Here is how I used Step III to finally break through to the eidetic reduction. Step III: You have enabled me to understand the origin of my experience of purgation.
- First off, I determined the dynamics of the structure of my phenomenological model of purgation, shown at Figure 2, by using Forrester's second book (Forrester 1986b). It revealed that the dynamics of Figure 2 is structured as a second order negative feedback system (SONFS).
- My next task was to locate and identify the dynamics of a releasing noumena system in an area of my neurophysiological system that was driving the phenomena system shown in Figure 2. The dynamics of the releasing noumena system must have been structured as a SONFS.
- It is known that the dynamics of the release of pairs of antagonistic muscles has the dynamic characteristics of a SONFS.
However, in order to really identify the kind of dynamic noumena or the release of material objects, capable of driving the phenomena we must go deep: We must carefully study the biology of the dynamic noumena: Here are two examples of dynamic noumena that are structured as a SONFS. When these noumena are finally released, they are capable of driving the dynamic phenomena - shown in Figure 2 - as a SONFS:
- Here is some fundamental biology associated with the release of dynamic noumena that are structured as a SONFS:
"The amount of blood pumped by the heart per unit time (cardiac output) depends on the heart rate and the contractile force of the heart. Sympathetic activity increases the cardiac output; parasympathetic activity reduces it. The two parts of the autonomic nervous system thus have antagonistic effects on the spontaneous active heart. Of course, regulation of the cardiac output by the autonomous nervous system never occurs in the organism in just that way, because the sympathetic and the parasympathetic system influence the heart simultaneously. The heart is subjected continuously to inhibitory parasympathetic and excitatory sympathetic influences. Each change in activity in one or the other of the two autonomic systems results in changes in the heart rate and/or the contractile force. Thus, the cardiac output (amount of blood pumped by the heart per unit time) increases when there is a rise in sympathetic activity and/or a drop in parasympathetic activity. Conversely, the cardiac output declines when there is a drop in sympathetic activity and/or a rise in parasympathetic activity. Since the CNS [central nervous system] has these means at its disposal to regulate the cardiac output through the autonomic nervous system, the body can adapt the operation of the cardiovascular system to the requirements of the moment."
(From Schmidt, RF. 1978. Fundamentals of neurophysiology. Springer-Verlag: New York. p 237)
- Here is an earlier explanation of the biology of the release of the dynamic noumena that are structured as a SONFS:
"...the contractions of particular sets of muscles in the heart must entail the suppression of activity of other muscles for coordinated movements of the heart to emerge."
(From Sherrington, CS. 1906 or 1948. Integrative Action of the Nervous System. Cambridge University Press: Cambridge, UK.)
The contents of this paragraph, together with items 1 and 2 just above, will eventually initiate the beginning of a long scientific study that will eventually establish the biology of the noumena driving the phenomena, for the case of the release of a trauma. The phenomena are shown in Figure 2. As you will recall, the entire phenomena system or core consciousness system in Figure 2 is structured as a SONFS.
Now, if one reads the narrative of my religious experience, shown at Key #4 in Chapter 2, one can see that almost all the dynamic action occurring within me during purgation was occurring in my heart. Therefore, within my neurophysiological system it is probable that a dynamic noumena system, structured as a SONFS in the form of the dynamic release of sets of antagonistic heart muscles, was driving the Figure 2 phenomena system or core consciousness system, which is also structured as a SONFS. Slowly, I began to realize that the transcendental grounding analysis given just above is the scientific Step III, or scientific-based eidetic reduction. I had been looking for it for 14 years, as I strived to establish Step III of the scientific Transcendental Feedback Phenomenological (TFP) methodology. A relatively brief, but very clear, summary of the entire TFP analysis of the phenomena - for my 10-hour experience of purgation - is given at Key #5 of Chapter 2.
After I had gone through the three steps of the scientifically-based TFP methodology, presented in the above five or six pages, a number of other insights began occurring to me about my religious experience of purgation: The dynamic material objects or noumena in my neurophysiological system that were probably driving the core consciousness or the dynamic phenomena associated with purgation were, roughly, a dozen spontaneously releasing pairs of cramped or paralyzed, antagonistic, heart muscles. Once I had identified the noumena,
I began to realize those muscles had probably become cramped or paralyzed during the time when my childhood trauma occurred, way back when I was 9 or 10 years old (see Section B of Key #1). Therefore, having linked the dynamic noumena with the abreaction or release of my trauma, I began to realize that back in 1962 at the age of 30 - when I was experiencing purgation - I was really experiencing the release or abreaction of my cramped heart muscles, heart muscles that were functioning deep in the ground of my being.
The release or abreaction was a two step process: First, the cramped heart muscles had to become ripe during the 20 or 21 year period, from the time when my trauma had occurred when I was 9 or 10 years old to the time when the cramped heart muscles were released when I was 30 years old in April 1962. Putting it simply, in 1962 my childhood trauma was finally ripe and was spontaneously being released or abreacted.
Further, it is well known that childhood traumas are constantly occurring throughout the world. Then, by studying religious experiences associated with the major religions I began to realize that my peak religious experience - purgation culminating in mystical union - had
the same type of origin and the same type of noumena as the peak experiences found in all other religions (see Key #2 in Chapter 2): The release or abreaction of a trauma underlies my peak experience and indicates that my religious experience is a universal experience. It is similar to religious experiences occurring throughout the world. As a result, I began to see that I was not only dealing with the core of religion, I was dealing with a general theory of religion: e pluribus unum.
I also began to see I was dealing with
the long-sought-for integration of science and religion.
I also began to see that, as a byproduct,
the analysis had solved the central problem in the emerging field of consciousness studies: Chalmers' hard problem (CHP).
A brief summary of the solution to CHP is also shown at Key #5 in Chapter 2.
The fullest presentation of all of the above ideas and related insights - with roughly 600 accompaning links - is the subject of this book. Its URL is at http://world.std.com/~awolpert
Key Breakthroughs: The key breakthroughs made during my 24 year effort between 1984 and the early part of 2008 are listed below. Those breakthroughs are establishing the foundations for the General Theory of Religion and the Transcendental Feedback Phenomenological (TFP) methodology. These foundations will ultimately bring about a series of scientific revolutions. Some of the scientific fields that will experience these revolutions are as follows: consciousness studies, psychiatry, psychology, philosophy, phenomenology, system dynamics, scientific aspects of religion, and science itself.
- A general theory of religion (GTR):
This is a scientific theory that indicates that at the very core of all major religions in the world is a peak experience which originates during the 'sacred release' of the experiencer's cramped or paralyzed heart muscles. These heart muscles had become cramped during a traumatic childhood experience. The nature of a 'sacred release' is presented at Section D of Key #1.
- The primary purpose of all major religions.
It is very important for religious people and their leaders to focus on the central or primary purpose of religion. My particular insights associated with the primary purpose of religion are dealt with at Keys #1, #2, #3, and #6 of The Keys to the GTR Project section of this Introduction. I believe that at the present time only a small percentage of religious leaders are aware of the central or primary purpose of religion. The fact that many cultures have forgotten the primary purpose of religion is the reason why formerly great religions are presently in danger of degenerating: My position is that the primary purpose of religion is to enable religious devotees to deal with the release of a trauma: To be able to walk the plank.
If a religion and its culture has lost its ability to teach its devotees how to deal with the release of a trauma, that religion and the culture that depends on that religion are headed for obsolescence or superficiality or degeneration.
- The presuppositionless, scientific analysis of the religious experience of purgation, explained in the GTR Project presentation above, has never been done before. In addition, the phenomena associated with my
ten-hour religious experience of purgation
(see the SD-based, flow diagram at Figure 2)
has a first person perspective. As a result, that first person perspective for my scientific analysis of purgation will be the start of the second stage of the scientific revolution. Up until now the first stage of the scientific revolution - from the 17th Century to the present - has been limited to a third person perspective.
- My system dynamics(SD)-based, presuppositionless, Transcendental Feedback Phenomenological (TFP) methodology
is establishing the long-sought-for scientific approach to a phenomenological analysis (or core consciousness analysis) of a deep subjective experience, such as purgation. I believe that during the early part of the 20th Century Edmund Husserl could already envision the coming of the TFP methodology, this great scientific breakthrough in phenomenology. At that time Husserl gave a name to this relentlessly approaching methodology: Philosophy as a Rigorous Science (Husserl 1911).
- The scientific solution to Chalmers hard problem for the case of my deep subjective religious experience of purgation
is being presented for the first time in this book at Key #5 of the Introduction.
Key #5 will illustrate how the powerful Transcendental Feedback Phenomenological (TFP) methodology is going to be used to make a presuppositionless analysis of my subjective experience of purgation. (For a brief summary please see Key #5 of the Introduction, just below). This solution is leading to key breakthroughs in the science of consciousness. For example, the eidetic reduction of the purgation experience is performed in a scientific way. It will be scientifically identifying the noumena or eidos in the experiencer's neurophysiological system that is driving the phenomena (or core consciousness) during purgation.
- The potential scientific and religious revolution that is going to blossom in the field of psychiatry and the field of religion: At the present time psychiatry does not seem to me to be a real science. Politics and money, rather than Truth, appear to be dominating psychiatry at the present time.
The psychiatrist, J.M. Masson (2003b),
has been trying to clean out and revolutionize the field of psychiatry since 1970. However, he was harassed so intensely by the psychiatric community that he decided to leave the US and is now in exile in New Zealand. I believe my contribution to Masson's continuing revolution will reopen his case against the present state of psychiatry. I believe it will begin with my SD-based, scientific analysis, associated with the release of my trauma.
Underlying these six breakthroughs is Forrester's system dynamics (SD), the scientific foundation of all my work. My conjecture is SD may be
the logos.
Chapter 2: The Keys to the GTR Project
The Six Keys that Open Up the Heart of this Book:
Key #1: The Primary Purpose of Religion.
Here is the essence of Key #1: When a trauma is being released, the experiencer usually panics during the release of the first knot or the first set of cramped heart muscles. After that the experiencer has a nervous breakdown and then develops some form of psychosis. The primary purpose of religion is to enable the experiencer to avoid the panic, nervous breakdown, and psychosis that usually occur during the beginning minutes of the release of the first knot associated with the trauma. I call those beginning critical minutes: walking the plank.
The Primary Purpose of Religion is to enable one to walk the plank: This phrase applies to the release of the first knot during the crucial ten minutes of my deep 16 hour religious experience. In the West my 16 hour religious experience is usually called purgation culminating in mystical union. During the crucial ten minutes I used
my religious preparedness (see Key #1, section C),
taught to me when I was a child and a youth. That religious preparedness saved me when I had to walk the plank. This means that my religious preparedness saved me from panic, from a nervous breakdown, and from the eventual development of some form of mental illness: Religious preparedness is the The Primary Purpose of Religion:
Yea,
Though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil:
For thou art with me;
from Psalm 23 of the Bible or the Old Testament
I would now like to tell you more about walking the plank: The desperate minutes during purgation, when I was in danger of panic, a nervous breakdown, etc. Those were the most crucial ten minutes of my life. With the profound help of the Divine I made it through those crucial ten minutes when the first knot in my heart was being released. The knots in my heart were caused by my childhood trauma. Walking the plank takes place when the first knot of the trauma is being released. All traumas eventually begin to release themselves, but usually the release is not completed because the experiencer panics during the release of those cramped or paralyzed heart muscles. In my case, once my religious preparedness enabled me to deal with the first knot, my heart and my imagination were then more able to deal with the entire one hour release of the dozen or so knots in my heart associated with the release of my trauma. Below, in section D, you will see that it was because of the profound help of the Lord that I was able to make it through the release in one piece.
Then sings my soul, my savior God to thee: How great thou art, how great thou art.
(from a favorite Gospel song of the Christians)
A. In order to go deeper into the Primary Purpose of Religion, first let me introduce you to the following phrases: "Walking the razor's edge" or "walking the plank" or walking the way that is said to be "straight is the gate and narrow is the way which leadeth unto life...."
- From the Hindus: To walk the razor's edge...
"Like the sharp edge of a razor is that path,
difficult to tread and hard to cross."
Katha Upanishad: 3:14.
- From the Christians: Straight is the gate and narrow is the way..
"Enter ye in at the straight gate: for wide is the gate and broad is the way that
leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:
Because straight is the gate and narrow is the way which leadeth unto life,
and few there be that find it."
Matthew 7:13-14.
- From that Saturday matinee movie, when I was somewhere between 6 and 13 years old. As I recall, the movie was about the life of a young seaman on a 19th century sailing ship, whose ship encounters the dreaded pirates. The movie was being shown over at that 52nd and Lyndale theatre in Minneapolis, sometime between 1938-1945: To walk the plank.
B. Now, I need to tell you about my childhood trauma. It occurred when I was 9 or 10 years old. Traumas eventually begin to release themselves, spontaneously. My particular trauma was released when I was 30 years old, 20 or 21 years after the trauma occurred. The spontaneous releasing process of my trauma was the driving force of my consciousness during my religious experience of purgation culminating in mystical union.
At some time in 2005 - after 21 years of working on the formalized, scientific, system dynamics-based, phenomenological analysis of my religious experience - the following insight occurred to me: At the same time as my 1962 religious experience of purgation was occurring, the
abreaction
or complete release of the cramped heart muscles associated with my childhood trauma was occurring. That is, the insight that occurred to me in 2005 was as follows: The physical effects on my body, resulting from my childhood trauma, were the quick development of about a dozen or so sets or pairs of cramped or paralyzed antagonistic muscles in my heart. Those dozen or so cramped or paralyzed pairs of muscles were then released from my heart 20 or 21 years later during the abreaction of my trauma. This 2005 conclusion is based on the following three sets of interlocking data:
- Certain key memories from my childhood that I can still remember fairly well. Those memories occurred when I was 9 or 10 years old, when I was 11 years old, and when I was 30 years old..
- The studies and insights of Charcot, Breuer, Janet, Freud, and the bold J.M. Masson on
hysteria.
{See publications by Charcot, (Freud 1966), Masson, etc.}
- The results that have been emerging from the many years I have spent scientifically analyzing my consciousness during my experience of purgation culminating in mystical union.
As I have stated, my childhood trauma occurred around 1941 or 1942 when I was about 9 or 10 years old. The assailant was about 14 or 15 years old and was unknown to me. I saw him running toward me in the distance as I was taking a short cut across the snow-filled school grounds in late afternoon. The snow was about a foot deep - maybe more - and I could not outrun him. When he caught up with me, I immediately blacked out and am unable to remember the nature of the assault. I don't remember having any post-assault pain in the private areas of my body or anywhere else. Also, I don't remember any semen on my clothes or body. I know I would have remembered if those two actions had actually occurred.
After many years of thought I have come to the conclusion that I reacted against the 14 or 15 year old attacker by taking the position of a completely silent and unconscious 9 or 10 year old boy, lying in the snow. I did not take that position because I was clever: I took that position because it was in my genes to do that. I believe that by doing that I had caused the 14 or 15 year old attacker to get scared. He then ran away. He got scared because he thought I was dead.
However, as a result of my scary experience, I was traumatized: I believe this traumatization resulted in the cramping or paralyzation of about 12 pairs of my heart muscles. I believe this, because it seemed to me that there were about a dozen knots released during the
abreaction
of my trauma. This cramping or paralyzation of my heart muscles had lasted for a period of 20 or 21 years, from when I was 9 or 10 years old to the time when I was 30 years old and the cramped or paralyzed heart muscles associated with my trauma were completely released.
Here are two other memories from my youth and my college years: I believe these two memories are related to the childhood trauma:
- An experience of hysteria: When I was 11 years old and making the stressful transition in the Fall of 1943 from grade school to the 7th grade in junior high school,
my legs became paralyzed for a few hours.
Earlier, on my way to school that day, I stopped by at a friend's house and then we walked to school together. He told me his older brother had rheumatic fever. I thought about this during the morning until I began to think I was 'catching' rheumatic fever. Eventually, in early afternoon my legs became paralyzed and I couldn't walk. My father came from work to pick me up at the school nurse's office about 3 or 4pm. When we got home my father carried me in and laid me down on my bed. He talked to me for about a half hour and eventually convinced me my legs could not have become paralyzed by rheumatic fever. Then, he told me in a loving way, but with manliness and conviction, that I could get up and walk. I did so and ran out to play with much joy.
- I was a fairly good tennis player in high school and college. Some top players in Minneapolis had remarked from time to time that I had one of the best backhands around. My second serve was arching, spinning, curving, wildly bouncing, and hard to handle (I am exaggerating a bit here). However, when I would get toward the end of any close tournament singles match, I always lost - much to my frustration and disappointment. This was particularly true in my college years. The most contemptuous words in all of athletics are reserved for such a person: 'He choked!' Freud has clarified this experience, somewhat: He has called it 'strangulated emotions.'
(This second paragraph has to be examined carefully for bias. I may be making a last ditch effort in my old age to free myself from the label given to me in my youth.)
C. Now, let me describe my particular religious preparedness. (This religious preparedness was very important in saving me during the experience of purgation, when my childhood trauma was being released. My religious preparedness enabled me to successfully walk the plank without panicking and having a nervous breakdown.) So, here are four important factors that I believe made up my religious preparedness:
- My precious mother: My Jewish mother's sincere and simple mentioning of God during my early childhood, which led to my simple childhood prayers to God.
- Sunday school: My simple Reform Jewish religious training in Sunday school from the age of 5 to about 15 years old.
- Community and history: The time I went with my parents and close relatives to the Synagogue during the High Holy Days of 1945 when I was 13 years old. It was about a month after the end of World War II and the news was just coming in about the Holocaust. Many of the leaders of the Jewish community of Minneapolis were there. Everyone seemed serious. My uncle pointed out the owner of the great Minneapolis Lakers basketball team. The dynamic, manly-looking owner seemed serious, too.
- The critical religious link to my Jewish ancestors: When I was somewhere between 7 and 15 years old, my father took me up a flight of stairs to an area above the auditorium at the Synagogue and showed me the sacred Everlasting Light. Just below the Light was a plaque with the name of my revered grandfather, who died when I was about three or four years old. My grandfather had escaped from being forced into the Cossack army by fleeing Lithuania at 16 years of age. He then got on a ship and came to the US seeking freedom. Trained as a tailor, he began his life in the US by picking up rags off the streets of New York and then washing, sewing, ironing, and selling them.
The primary purpose of religion is to enable one to successfully negotiate the release of a trauma without panicking and having a nervous breakdown. Here is how it works: When I was 30 years old and the first knot or lead heart muscle of my trauma began the crucial 10 minute process of releasing itself and my stress, fear, and anxiety began to build up, I got scared. I thought: Am I gonna die? What's happening to me? I did not know what to do! but I was deeply prepared: With no options left to me during those crucial 10 minutes leading up to the release of the first knot, I instinctively began to use my simple prayers, my simple Jewish Sunday School teachings, and my imagination, in a very spontaneous and natural way. Although it wasn't easy for me to deal with purgation, I believe this religious preparedness was the decisive factor enabling me to
'walk the plank.'
D. At the present time my model, shown at Figure 2 of Chapter 1, is not quite able to vividly simulate what it's like to walk the plank. Instead, let me try to give you a detailed narration: In this narration of what it's like to walk the plank, I am trying to narrate as accurately as I can how my religious preparedness dealt with that crucial first knot:
After the first 9 hours of purgation, particularly after experiencing the preliminary peak in PsychicStress at the 180 minute mark, shown in
Figure 1 of Chapter 1, I knew
I was dealing with an opening heart that was stymied by a knot.
However,
as the first knot began its 10 minute releasing process, particularly during the last 3 or 4 minutes before the 555 minute mark in Figure 1 of Chapter 1, my stress, my fear, and my anxiety started to mount.
It was clear that the situation was getting dangerous.
(This is where I believe panic and a nervous breakdown would have occurred. However, I had already begun to use my religious preparedness and my prayers. So, I hadn't panicked yet.)
My first step, using my religious preparedness, was to pray: "Oh Lord, save me." Then, slowly and prayerfully, I began to use my imagination and my religious belief to associate the knot with a particular sin in my life and I asked the blessed Lord - now taking on the role of a Judge in the scenario - for forgiveness of that sin. My religious teachings or belief told me that, if the Judge were to accept my plea, the sin would be forgiven and the knot would then be released. But, there was no release! I didn't panic, though. At that point, using my imagination, I felt the wise and manly Judge was not releasing the knot yet, because He wanted to make sure I was really serious about asking for forgiveness of that sin. But during this delay I noticed my stress, fear, and anxiety were increasing rapidly. My situation was getting desperate. Time was running out, but God was with me:
Then, out of nowhere, my imagination stepped forward and - with great emphasis - countered my rising fears and anxiety: My imagination said to the rising fears and anxiety: "The Judge is not playing around. He is deadly serious. He will not put up with any second-rate prayers."
I liked the kind of a guy this Judge was! No nonsense. Finally, I had found a guy who was serious. He had a much greater standard for integrity and trueness than I had ever had.
Now, as my state of mind rose to extreme desperation, I began to pray in earnest. I prayed with an intensity and integrity that was far more profound and intense than the way I had prayed before. Now, I prayed with all my heart and soul.
Then, the Judge, calmly standing back and carefully assessing the situation, decided that forgiveness of my sin was justified and, in a very detached way, He allowed the knot to be released at the 555 minute mark.
Because of the integrity and thoroughness by which the Judge conducted this examination during the release of the first knot, I knew He had things under control:
I was in good hands.
More importantly, I now knew that despite His aloofness and detachment He wanted me on his side. I began to recognize He was a very rare kind of guy: A serious, no nonsense, straight shooting, type of Judge. He was able to penetrate straight into my very heart and soul. (That was where my manhood was bravely waiting for its liberation.)
Then my heart began to open further and I encountered the next knot.
"During the tenth hour the above scenario - with many variations - went on relentlessly for about a dozen knots.
Yes, the tenth hour was about fear, anxiety, release, and the liberation of my manhood that occurred during this abreaction or release of
my childhood trauma.
However, the tenth hour was also about a series of intense, serious, earnest, and sacred pledges or promises, made knot by knot in the presence of God. (God always watches over or supervises the activities of the Judge and the person who is being judged.)
In this way - by using my imagination, my prayers, and my religious belief - I was able to walk the plank. This very dangerous process had the potential to either result in panic, a nervous breakdown, and some form of psychosis or result in the release of the cramped or paralyzed heart muscles and convert that release into the intense, profound, and sacred religious experience of purgation culminating in mystical union.
If I had not called upon the Divine and had not used my imagination, my prayers, and my religious belief, I would have panicked and had a nervous breakdown. Instead, with the Lord at my side I had walked the plank!
Yea,
Though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil:
For thou art with me;
from Psalm 23 of the Bible or the Old Testament
E. Now, let me tell you how the process, leading eventually to 'walking the plank,' began for me:
- There were a number of mantras that I had murmured to myself during my crisis, but here is the sacred mantra that began my adventure with God. (When it is said in a religious sense, it is my experience that it is slowly murmured - from time to time - only to oneself. I said it with integrity, and it came from the bottom of my heart.) I began saying this particular mantra while I was working at the MIT spinoff company (see Part A of the Introduction). The mantra came to me in a natural way. I started saying it about one year before my experience of mystical union. I said the mantra slowly, with determination:
"I'm goin' for broke. I'm gonna do or die: I'm goin' all the way."
- Here is a narrative of only one aspect of the desperate situation I was in. Nevertheless, it (and many other aspects) eventually prompted me to begin murmuring my particular version of the sacred mantra, given above. It's an excerpt from
An Engineer's Story at Part A of the Introduction.
"My desk was crowded into a small room with those of four other
engineers. I was chain-smoking three packs per day of strong,
unfiltered cigarettes, filling the room with smoke and, at times, a
prolonged, fitful cough. I was trying to make an intense effort to
concentrate in order to raise the level of my status but was
hindered by dissipating habits that I could see were destroying
me. My colleagues were young, bright, and versatile engineers.
They wondered why management let this strange, ill-mannered,
and arrogant person in the door. I felt out of place, put upon, and
rejected. A promising career and vital health had sunk to this
level.
Perhaps I could have settled for
mediocrity - slavery in one form or another -
but to my mind I was in a battle for my life." (Please open up the link just above. It is very important.)
Key #2: A Brief Introduction to the General Theory of Religion.
"... if there is ever to be a universal religion, it must be one which will have no location in place or time; which will be infinite like the God it will preach, and whose sun will shine upon the followers of Krishna and of Christ, on saints and sinners alike; which will not be Brahminic or Buddhistic, Christian or Mohammedan, but the sum total of all these, and still have infinite space for development..."
(Vivekananda 1893)
Table I, below, gives the 14 stages of my 53 month religious crisis. The details of Table I give the reader a brief and concise base for understanding the similarities of religions and for understanding the deep concept of a general theory of religion.
Please notice that Purgation is listed at Stage 11 and Mystical Union is listed at Stage 12 of the Judeo-Christian terminology. The Hindu terminology uses the term Overcoming Samskaras for the experience of Purgation and uses the term Samadhi for the experience of Mystical Union, etc.

Key #3: Why a Culture Cannot Survive without Religion.
(Why has religious belief survived throughout the whole history of mankind?)
Here are some of the most important religious insights of the book: They are based on my very detailed System Dynamics(SD)-based, Transcendental Feedback Phenomenological (TFP) analysis of my religious experience, particularly the finer and finer simulations of my
core consciousness
during purgation. This TFP analysis is being carried out in detail in Chapters 1 and 2. The finer and finer simulations have slowly uncovered the practical reason why prayer, imagination, and religious belief have survived from the time of migrating primitive tribes to the present:
-
During the time when primitive tribes were spreading throughout the world, the quality and effectiveness of the religions of those primitive tribes were forced to develop. That was because of the competitive nature of that migration. The competition between tribes during that expansion or migration caused religions to develop or evolve to the point where a
religious scenario,
such as the scenario described in Section D of Key #1 when I had to 'walk the plank', enabled tribesmen to survive the abreaction or release of a tribesman's past battlefield trauma. Because of the competition, religion was gradually forced to develop or evolve to the point where tribal culture had the ability to teach religious preparedness to tribal children and youth. Later this religious preparedness was capable of inspiring warriors. They learned to use
prayer, religious belief, and imagination.
This kept battlefield traumatized tribesman safe from the panic that could come at any time during the
abreaction or release
of a past battlefield trauma. This kind of religion was able to instill
religious preparedness
and the feeling of closeness to the Divine during the childhood period of the future warrior. Eventually, religious preparedness is what was needed in order for the tribal warrior to walk the plank during the abreaction or release of a past battlefield trauma.
-
I base the above conjecture on my particular case of not panicking during purgation. My experience of walking the plank indicated that my religious preparedness saved me from panic, from a nervous breakdown, and - eventually - from some form of psychosis, like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression. In my case, my experience of walking the plank showed that
- without the blessed Lord to help me -
a nervous breakdown and psychosis would have followed the panic during the, very dangerous, spontaneous abreaction or release of my
childhood trauma.
-
Therefore, the above example of walking the plank illustrates the reason why religious belief deepened in tribes to become central to tribal culture: Religious belief became critical for the survival of a primitive tribe. A primitive tribe could not survive or come out the winner in competition with neighboring tribes, if too many of its tribesmen had become mentally ill after panicking during a non-religious abreaction of a previous battlefield trauma. Recall that
my experience of walking the plank
indicates that when a person's trauma starts to be abreacted or released without religious preparedness on the part of the traumatized person, panic and a nervous breakdown are likely. Imagine a rich primitive tribe with a religion whose spiritual power had slowly become lax or weakened or undermined. Such a tribe might eventually have many mentally ill tribesmen idly hanging around the tribal village accompanied by their caretakers. Then, perhaps a starving, desperate, but religious, neighboring tribe - sneeking around the bushes and watching such a tribe - gets enough courage to attack and destroy that tribe and take over its territory.
-
As time went by,
religious story-telling,
religious scenarios, and other techniques were used by those migrating religions. Eventually, religious preparedness grew more and more effective in some of the tribes. Only those tribes eventually survived. Those surviving tribes were the seeds of the surviving religions now existing around the world.
-
Summary: Religious belief, prayer, and imagination can be used to enable the warrior to survive the abreaction or release of a past battlefield trauma.
(Note: A few of the former traumatized warriors may be conditioned by the successful abreaction or release of trauma to emerge, spiritually charged and ready to fight at an inspired level.)
-
It is very important for the reader to penetrate toward the insight that using religious preparedness, religious belief, prayer, and imagination can save the traumatized warrior or traumatized tribesman from panic, a nervous breakdown, and mental illness, while that abreaction or release of his trauma is going on. As a result, the warrior will come through the release of the trauma in one piece. Please note that religion's most recent competitor or rival - the combined community of psychiatrists, psychologists, and pharmaceutical manufacturing companies - has no way of stopping panic and a nervous breakdown from occuring during the abreaction of a trauma.
-
Now, going beyond my conjecture on the value of religion for the survival of a primitive tribe, I will state that I believe religious preparedness, religious belief, prayer, and imagination are critical for the survival of a modern culture or a modern civilization. Because of my scientific analysis of my religious experience, I hold the position that the above ideas carry over into the modern era, making prayer, imagination, and religious belief a very effective way to avoid panic, a nervous breakdown, and possible psychosis resulting from the abreaction of trauma.
-
At this point I would like to note that the psychiatric community in its present form, and the pharmaceutical industry associated with it, make a lot of money dealing with mental illnesses that result from a trauma that has been unsuccessfully abreacted in a non-religious way. It appears that eliminating religion would be very good for the financial condition of psychiatrists and for the profits of corporations in the pharmaceutical industry. For example, purchases of antidepressant drugs and antipsychotic drugs are the third and fourth highest category of pharmaceuticals sold in the USA. Their total sales were $20.7 billion in 2004 (Wall Street Journal, 7/27/05, D1) and growing. If there were to be a revival of the legendary skills of religion in a culture, it would eventually reduce the demand for psychiatrists and, perhaps, cause the psychiatrist's income to drop sharply. It would also reduce the profits of the pharmaceutical industry.
Key #4: A Narrative of my Experience of Purgation Culminating in Mystical Union.
The following excerpt introduces the reader to the religious aspects of this book. It is a two page narrative of my 1962 religious experience of purgation culminating in mystical union. Purgation and mystical union are stages 11 and 12 of Table I, shown at Key #2. The excerpt is taken from An Engineer's Story, presented at Part A of the Introduction.
The Heart Begins to Open
The purification resulting from renunciation came about by a supreme effort of the
will and by Grace, but the
second stage of the purification
that followed proceeded passively. A force began to manifest itself in me and I could do nothing but pray. My will was powerless to effect this Force. It began in the following way:
I returned to Southern California at the end of March 1962 for
another ten day vacation after
successfully completing the project.
I was still running true. I was charged and in a state of
openness. On this visit I went to another monastery run by the
same Order of monks. Again I found myself in a holy
atmosphere
(11).
I had a deeply restful, enchanting, profoundly
moving week, many times bubbling over with mirth and on one
occasion, hearing a beautiful piece of religious music, I was
unable to contain a weeping which became a prolonged sobbing
from the bottom of my heart.
Around noon on Sunday I left the monastery to return to Boston
for work the next day. I was to take a cab to the Los Angeles
airport and then a non-stop flight to Boston. I had plenty of time.
The cab stand was about a half-mile away. I was walking down
a hill with a small suitcase in my hand. As I walked reflectively
and in peace down that hill in the warm and brilliant Southern
California sun, my heart slowly began to feel full. My mind was
drawn inward. In this mood I arrived at the cab stand. I told the
driver my destination. He was a rather cool and playful young
man in his early twenties. I noticed that I was very friendly and
mirthful - quite unusual for me since I usually never spoke to
cab drivers. During the ride I was joking and at times giggling
and had a great time for the half hour drive to the airport. At
one point the driver asked me if I had had a 'joint' before getting
into the cab. Of course, I had not.
At the airport, however, the warmth or power in my heart began
to deepen. I was sitting in the waiting area for the flight but
found I could not stay seated. I got up and began to pace the floor
of the waiting room. I was well dressed and groomed in a fine conservative suit.
Perhaps it was a rather strange sight. The thought occurred to me
I was on the verge of a heart attack, but I was only thirty and in
good health so dismissed the idea.
The plane was quite full. I took my assigned seat by the window.
After the plane circled LA and turned East, the Force in my heart
began to get intense. My heart was opening!! There was a struggle
going on in my heart. The Force was opening my heart and, because
of my fear, my will was waging a losing battle to close it. The
opening of my heart brought about a fear - indeed - a terror.
At the same time I felt a degree of love for all, forgiveness,
brotherhood and sisterhood for all.
I called for the stewardess. I told her something was wrong with my
heart. She got me out to the first aid area and gave me oxygen, but
it had no effect. She took me to the first class area where there were
fewer passengers and I could be alone. The Force continued to try
to open my heart and I was in a state of terror, for fear I would die
shortly. I kept getting up and walking to the drinking fountain to
quench the fire in my breast. I must have drank at least two gallons
of water during the five and one-half hour flight.
A few times the stewardess came by to see how I was. Once she
sat down next to me. She seemed quite curious about me. She was
about 24 or 26. Under the ceiling spotlight I could see her features
were delicate but her beauty had now passed its peak. There were
the first signs of tension wrinkles around her eyes and mouth.
Close up I could sense something about her that had gone cold and
there was a sadness underneath her makeup. She was neglecting
what I could see was a precious soul. In the course of our quiet
conversation I told her, in a somewhat oracular way, 'Please
leave this terrible job.' She asked me why I thought it was so
terrible. I said, in effect, she was being paid to be pleasant and
gay to the passengers even though her heart and soul didn't feel
it any more. She needed an honest job. With my heart so open,
I knew my intuition was sure and I could see these things clearly,
quite in the same way that the lay of the land can be seen and
understood better when standing at an elevated place. Under
ordinary circumstances such a conversation would have set the
stewardess' teeth on edge, but with my heart so open she seemed
to sense my good will and took what I said to heart.
Nevertheless, when I arrived in Boston about 10:30pm, I was met
by a powerfully built and rather serious airport state police officer.
He was about 35 or 40
years old. He escorted me from the plane ahead of the others and
led me to the airport shelter. Normally I was rather aloof from
police officers, indeed I didn't like authority of any kind, but when
the officer met me my heart was so open I felt all men were my
brothers. As I walked aside of him to the shelter, I found myself
putting my right arm around his broad shoulders. I became aware of
the gun at his holster but it made no difference to me. In the state
of mind I was in, I felt toward him like toward an elder, beloved
brother meeting me at the plane. I chatted with him and thanked
him for his trouble and great courtesy and assistance. I told him
I had just left a monastery and was overwhelmed by being in a
crowd of people and that I would be alright once I got home.
Besides being an optimistic prognosis to calm myself, it also
seemed to be an appropriate way of explaining my openness and
feelings of brotherhood and also of avoiding being detained.
Ordinarily this tough, no-nonsense police officer would have
given me a difficult time but instead, like the stewardess, he
seemed to sense the integrity of my feelings.
The Dark Night of the Soul: The Heart is Purified and Prepared
for the Culminating Experience
I took a cab and arrived about 11pm at my South End lodgings.
They consisted of two rooms on the second floor of an almost-deserted
rooming house overlooking - to the right - the extensive federal
housing project near the Cathedral. The dull red brick buildings
and barren clothes-lines at the edge of the project could be seen
from my front window by the light of the street lamps. The window
faced a large tree-lined, but neglected, park called Blackstone
Square. Next door - to the left - was a Syrian Church with a domed roof
overhung by a huge tree, now bare of leaves in early April. A light, quietly
emanating from the ornate glass window in the dome, soothed
my soul as I paced the rooms.
Finally I was alone. I laid down on my bed. I knew very little
about the writings of the mystics at the time. I did not know that
I was now entering purgation or the Refiner's Fire or the Dark Night of the Soul
(18)
that would purify my heart and make me fit for Union with God:
"But who may abide the day of His coming,
And who shall stand when He appeareth?
For He is like a Refiner's Fire." Malachi 3.2
The events in the cab and on the plane were the beginning but the
Dark Night of the Soul began in earnest when I laid down on
my bed. As I have said, the fire in the heart led to the opening
of the heart. The heart continued to open slowly and inexorably,
step by step, like a flower. As it did, it produced forgiveness -
forgiveness of those I felt had wronged me, who had teased and
mocked me. These vexations departed from my heart one by one
as they came to my mind - like water drops from a lotus leaf.
At the same time there came to my mind, one by one, things I had
done which lay buried in my conscience undermining my life.
I prayed for the Lord to forgive me and He did so, one by one
(19).
Simultaneous with this forgiveness was terror and joy.
I was in terror of losing my life.
The Fire or Force was opening my heart
and I was naturally terrified since my heart had never been open
that wide. Fear keeps the heart closed so if the heart is opened
beyond its normal position it produces terror.
To alleviate this terror I had to forgive.
It allowed the heart to tolerate being
opened at that degree of opening. As this proceeded, hatred
slowly left my heart and it slowly became more purified.
Then the heart opened more. More terror. More sin and error
came to my mind one by one and I asked the Lord to forgive me
and He did so one by one. The terror lessened. The heart opened
wider. More joy. More terror. More prayers. And as the heart
opened ever wider my joy increased to ecstasy or rapture
(20).
At the same time I was dealing with another aspect of the terror
of losing my life: the dread or remorse that I would lose my
worldly ties. I would die in this lonely place never to see my
dear ones again. My worldly hopes and dreams would end
here never to be fulfilled. Clinging to life, I begged the Lord,
Oh save me. Let me live.
This Prayer of Salvation during such an emotional crisis
deepened my attachment to God with Form. To confirm and
permanently establish this attachment I made a Covenant with
God with Form. Once this firm attachment was made I could
remove myself from worldly attachments and all its associated
complexities and my fears could more easily be borne
(21).
Only the most simple and fundamental structures of the mind-heart
system were now being employed. This stabilized my
mind and enabled my heart to continue the process of opening.
It opened amidst joy, ecstasy, terror and anxiety while at the
same time there was a fierce attention of my mind and being on
that which was within.
The Great Silence
Gradually, then, over a period of about an hour this Refiner's
Fire succeeded in bringing about an opening and purifying of my
heart and bringing along with it peace to my conscience. As a
result, my thinking process was able to rest. As this occurred,
all of my mind - all of my being - was freed to focus on the
present moment within where there existed the blessed open
heart. In this undistracted, dramatic state my mind became one
pointed. That was its natural, purified state. Then, suddenly,
all action within me ceased
(22).
The pumping of my blood, the beating of my heart, the quivering or
hum of my nerves (or perhaps the latter was my body shaking)
ceased quite abruptly and I was left in a state of profound
silence
(23).
I had crossed over to the Great Silence
(24).
In that state I no longer felt the previous terror, joy, or anxiety.
Instead I felt I had come into my True Home, where I was
Free(21, 25).
I had left the World and was in a state of Pure
Being. In that state my mind could not think; it could only
observe inwardly and record
(26). I had no power to recall
or analyze. All of my mind and being continued to focus on the
present moment within during the transition into the Silence and
at the Silence. In that state of mind and being, my system was
satisfied that it had penetrated to the core. Its energy then ran
out. It let go and I fell into a swoon: a deep and abiding sleep
(27).
It was the silent night, the holy night.
Presently I awoke. It was daybreak. All was peace, bliss. Within
me lapped the Living Waters: a serene, wave-like energy of such
a subtle frequency that it was capable of flowing evenly
throughout my head and body as if they were both made of one
substance(4, 28).
I was in such a state of peace and bliss, pervaded
by a feeling of inner goodness, that the experience has led me to
believe this is what is known as Heaven
(29). My sincere and
earnest search for the Truth during the previous 53 months had
finally been satisfied
(30).
I no longer felt that I must seek the
ground of my life, the base upon which to build a sound life.
I felt I had found the Ground of My Being: the philosopher's stone,
the Formless, the Timeless, the Unconditioned,
Knowledge, Bliss (31).
This I now feel is God: no more, no less. Reflection on those blessed
hours since early April 1962 has led me to that conclusion
(32).
Key #5: Here is the summary of my scientific analysis of the religious experience of purgation, which includes the solution to Chalmers Hard Problem (CHP) for the case of purgation.
SUMMARY
A subjective or deep inner experience began to present itself to me at about noon on April 8,1962, nineteen days after my 30th birthday: I was walking down a hill with a small suitcase in my hand. As I walked reflectively and in peace down that hill in the warm and brilliant Southern California sun, my heart slowly began to feel full. My mind was drawn inward. This was the very beginning of my ten hour religious experience of purgation, which culminated in the great, 4 to 7 second, experience of mystical union. During those beginning moments I was baffled: I thought, "Where is this experience within me coming from?" Right there was the key problem: Where does this experience originate? In science this problem - associated with the onset and the continuation to the end of subjective or deep inner experiences - is an example of what is now being called Chalmers Hard Problem (CHP). The four paragraphs below answer the first of the following three questions:
Here are the three questions:
- Question #1: Where did the ten hour religious experience of purgation originate?
- Question #2: Why did my subjective or deep inner experience become labeled as a ten hour religious experience of purgation?
- Question #3: How was it possible for my religious experience of purgation to proceed all the way to its ten-hour completion and then culminate in the great experience of mystical union - despite purgation's intense PsychicStress, Fear, and Anxiety?
Solving Chalmers Hard Problem (CHP) for the case of purgation aims at identifying the origins or material forces within me, driving purgation's
core consciousness
phenomena during that experience. My system dynamics analysis of my core consciousness phenomena during purgation found that the dynamic material forces driving my dynamic core consciousness during purgation were the spontaneous releasing - one by one - of about 12 pairs of cramped or paralyzed, antagonistic, muscles in my heart. Those pairs of heart muscles had become cramped or paralyzed during my childhood trauma, way back when I was 9 or 10 years old. Then, 20 or 21 years later - at the age of 30 - my trauma and its associated cramped or paralyzed heart muscles had become ripe for release. Finally, the abreaction or spontaneous release of those heart muscles began.
However, it is very important to be aware that during the releasing process of a trauma the trauma's associated psychic stress, fear, and anxiety are usually too much to bear for the experiencer. He or she usually panics, has a nervous breakdown, and then develops some sort of mental illness. Therefore, in order for the experiencer to be able to deal with that psychic stress, fear, and anxiety associated with the release of a trauma, the experiencer must
use prayer, religious preparedness, etc. Such activity is the
Primary Purpose of Religion.
That is, my blessed prayers and religious preparedness enabled me to bear the anxiety, fear, and psychic stress without panicking, having a nervous breakdown, etc. This allowed me to go through the emotional crisis and arrive at a complete abreaction or release of my trauma. Because I used prayers, etc, throughout the ten-hour release of my trauma and because the experience was rooted deeply in my heart, my spontaneous religious response has dominated my memory of the abreaction or release of my trauma.
In my particular case, my cramped or paralyzed heart muscles spontaneously went through the process of releasing themselves. The dynamics of my releasing heart muscles drove the dynamic data of my core consciousness phenomena. That dynamic data of core consciousness was then immediately and permanently stored in my long term memory (LTM) at the time of that abreaction or release. The data of core consciousness being stored in my LTM was about the dynamics of my core consciousness during the entire ten hour purgation experience, including the core consciousness data about the state of openness of my heart. (Please note: Because my cramped or paralyzed heart muscles were spontaneously releasing themselves one by one, it naturally caused the state of my cramped up heart to begin to return to its full or open or natural position: Therefore, my heart was opening.)
Twenty two years later, in 1984 when I was 52 years old, I began the system dynamics-based analysis. The first thing I delved into was the dynamic core consciousness data for my ten hour experience of purgation. Immanuel Kant would have called that dynamic core consciousness data, associated with purgation and stored in my LTM, the dynamic phenomena of purgation. Also, he would have called the estimated 12 pairs of cramped or paralyzed, antagonistic muscles in my heart, that were - one by one - being spontaneously abreacted or released, the dynamic noumena.
I will now present how I was able to get the answer to question #1:
Getting the answer to Question #1: Identifying the noumena or the origin of the purgation experience.
(This is the scientific solution to Chalmers' hard problem [CHP] for the case of my deep ten-hour religious experience of purgation.)
My analysis leading up to identifying the noumena has been focused on analyzing the core consciousness data of the phenomena stored in my LTM, because I am proceeding according to
Newton's Rules of Philosophizing rather than Descartes' Discourse on Method.
Proceeding according to Newton's method, which is now called the scientific method, eventually resulted in the transcendental grounding
(Natorp/Kim 2003)
of core consciousness during the deep inner experience of purgation. The aim of the task of transcendentally grounding purgation is to identify the dynamic physical objects or noumena in my neurophysiological system that were driving the phenomena: These phenomena were associated with my core consciousness during my entire experience of purgation.
Though Immanuel Kant (1724-1804), Franz Brentano (1838-1917), Paul Natorp (1854-1924), the Marburg School of Neokantianism (1870-1920), Edmund Husserl (1859-1938), Ernst Cassirer (1874-1945), Aron Gurwitsch (1901-1973), and others
(see Holzhey 2005)
studied such phenomena deeply, they were unable to transcendentally ground phenomena in a scientific way, because science was not advanced enough in the 18th, 19th, and the first half of the 20th century. The solving of CHP could only have been attained after the first half of the 20th century, because it was only after World War II that the two critical breakthroughs in science, required for solving CHP, occurred:
- The publication of the powerful
System Dynamics (SD) methodology
(Forrester 1961, 1968b).
- The invention of computers for implementing the SD methodology, particularly implementing the solution to sets of simultaneous nonlinear differential equations.
SD is the underlying analytical tool of the three step Transcendental Feedback Phenomenological (TFP) methodology (For a short introduction to these three steps see the next paragraph. Later, you can also study
Chapter 5
or
Section I in Chapter 6.)
Using the three steps of the SD-based TFP methodology, I am able to mathematically analyze my first person core consciousness data residing in my LTM. In that analysis, shown in Section II in Chapter 6, the SD-based TFP methodology scientifically structures the data for purgation in a very compatible way: As a multiloop nonlinear feedback system (MNFS). The reason the TFP methodology is compatible with biological phenomena is because the MNFS structure is the same structure as the entire neurophysiological system. The neurophysiological system underlies and drives core consciousness.
Here is a short introduction to the three steps of the SD-based TFP methodology. The methodology is illustrated by showing how it is used for analyzing core consciousness during purgation:
- Step I: Use the causal loop method or technique
(Richardson 1981, Sterman 2000)
to organize or structure the core consciousness data in my long term memory (LTM) in the form of a causal loop diagram, which is somewhat similar to a feedback system. Although the causal loop method is very helpful to the analyst during the early stage of the analysis of
core consciousness
during purgation, the causal loop method is not associated or linked with mathematics. As a result, the causal loop diagram cannot be detailed and structured in such a way that it can be used to model and simulate core consciousness during purgation. Ultimately, the analyst must formally structure core consciousness during purgation and transcendentally ground that structure. In order to accomplish this the analyst must proceed to the use of Forrester's system dynamics (SD) methods in Steps II and III, below.
- Step II: Use Forrester's first book on the SD methodology
(Forrester 1961)
to take the various causal loop diagrams generated for purgation in Step I and convert them into a mathematical, SD-based, flow diagram for core consciousness during purgation. That flow diagram for purgation is shown in Figure 2 of
Chapter 1.
The SD flow diagram for purgation and its mathematical model enabled me to simulate core consciousness during purgation. For example, after a ten year analysis (from 1984 to 1994) my
38 variable SD flow diagram for purgation
- shown in Figure 2 - and its
associated mathematical model
were able to simulate all 38 core consciousness variables associated with the ten hour experience of purgation. This was done by iteratively and patiently adjusting either the preliminary mathematical model or the structure of the SD flow diagram, as I strived to eventually match the various simulations with the dynamic core consciousness data in my LTM. This ten year analysis was a labor of love.
- Step III: Use Forrester's second book on the SD methodology (Forrester 1968b)
to transcendentally ground the phenomena for purgation. To transcendentally ground the phenomena means to identify the noumena or the material objects in my neurophysiological system driving the phenomena. Note that those phenomena had already been organized into an accurate, SD-based, flow diagram in Step II. That accurate flow diagram is shown in Figure 2. Now, here is how Step III, transcendental grounding, works: By studying the contents of Forrester's second book, the analyst determines that the flow diagram in
Figure 2
is structured as a second-order negative feedback system (SONFS). Once this task has been accomplished, the analyst knows that the dynamics of the noumena he is searching for is structured as a SONFS, because the dynamic noumena are driving the dynamic phenomena, shown in Figure 2 of Chapter 1. For example,
a promising candidate for the noumena for the case of purgation is pairs of cramped or paralyzed antagonistic muscles (probably heart muscles) that are being released or abreacted, because it is well known that the dynamics of such muscles operate as a SONFS. Step III of the TFP methodology is a scientific version of what Husserl called the eidetic reduction.
My analysis of core consciousness during purgation began in 1984 and has continued steadily right up to the present time.
The key breakthrough was Step III, above. It occurred sometime between late 2007 and early 2008. The list of nine items below gives the sequence of scientific tasks I have been performing since 1984, together with the collection of observations and insights that I became aware of during that analytical period. Basically, I used Steps I, II, and III of the SD-based, TFP methodology to analyze the core consciousness data in my LTM. Please note that all the core consciousness data for purgation, residing in my LTM, is associated with or driven by the dynamic noumena. That core consciousness data was dynamic. It varied - moment by moment - during my ten hour experience of purgation.
In summary, here is how this SD-based TFP methodology was used to solve CHP for the case of core consciousness during purgation: I first focused on my core consciousness data, associated with my deep
ten hour religious experience of purgation. It resided in my LTM. I then use Steps I and II of the TFP methodology to analyze that data. (For details of this formalized analysis and construction of the purgation feedback system, see Section I and Section II of Chapter 6. The results of this scientific task are summarized in item 1 of the nine item list below. Then, by focusing on Step III, I obtained the results summarized in items 2 thru 9 of the list below. In those items my SD-based, TFP analysis of core consciousness during my experience of purgation identifies the probable dynamic physical objects or transcendental objects or noumena that are the origins or driving forces of my core consciousness during purgation. This comprehensive analysis of purgation illustrates how the SD-based, TFP methodology was able to solve CHP for my deep inner experience of purgation.
- In Steps I and II the SD-based, TFP methodology was used to construct the 38 variable SD flow diagram and its associated mathematical model. This construction used the core consciousness data collected in my LTM during my experience of purgation (see Figure 2 and its derivation in Sections I and II of Chapter 6). The flow diagram in Figure 2 was completed in 1994.
- Then, in 2007 I began to use perhaps the most critical and most important step, Step III. First the Step III technique found that the flow diagram for core consciousness during purgation, developed in item 1 above and shown in Figure 2, is a second-order negative feedback system (SONFS). Once the order of the flow diagram or feedback system is identified, the dynamic characteristic of the noumena is also identified.
- Then, to determine the noumena driving the phenomena, I needed to search through all the dynamic physical objects within my neurophysiological system and find those dynamic objects that operate as a SONFS. At this particular early period in my search I have found only one promising candidate:
Any set of dynamic antagonistic muscles operates as a SONFS.
- During my 10 hour experience of purgation I sensed or observed that the dynamics of purgation was being experienced mainly in my heart. Therefore, if the promising candidate is antagonistic muscles, they must be heart muscles.
- The great stress, fear, and anxiety - accompanying the releasing process of each set of antagonistic heart muscles - indicated that those muscles had been cramped or paralyzed prior to the estimated 72 minute period when the spontaneous releasing of the cramped or paralyzed heart muscles occurred. That estimated 72 minute period occurred between the estimated 545 minute mark and the estimated 617 minute mark (see Figure 1 in Section II.B of Chapter 1).
- During the Step II analysis (which is located just after the Introduction in Section II of Chapter 1), I sensed or estimated that there were about a dozen or so pairs of cramped antagonistic heart muscles released during purgation.
- Therefore, the dynamic noumena - that drove my dynamic core consciousness phenomena during purgation as a SONFS - was probably releasing a dozen or so pairs of cramped or paralyzed, antagonistic, heart muscles over an estimated 72 minute period.
- I then asked myself what had caused the cramping or paralyzation in my heart muscles. I then remembered I had a
childhood trauma
when I was 9 or 10 years old: The trauma had probably caused the cramping or paralyzation.
- Therefore, the origin or driving force of the purgation experience was probably the abreaction or release of the effects of my childhood trauma.
I believe this is the probable solution to Chalmers' Hard Problem (CHP) for the case of my deep religious experience of purgation. It tells of the origin of my ten hour experience of purgation. It answers the first of the three questions.
(See the summary at the beginning of
Chapter 1.
It gives the answers to the second and third questions.)
Additional information associated with the above summary of my solution to CHP for the case of purgation:
The above brief summary illustrates how Chalmers' Hard Problem (CHP) is solved for deep inner experiences, like purgation. It also illustrates how the
mind/body problem
is solved. Even though these solutions are very insightful - particularly for scientifically oriented philosophers, psychiatrists, and religious people - high level scientists will probably not be satisfied with this kind of solution. For example, for such scientists the solution to CHP is only the first breakthrough. Granted, this first breakthrough - the solution to CHP - is the key to any thorough extended analysis. Nevertheless, neuroscientists and cardiovascular experts - working together - will wish to perform three additional analytical steps to finalize the analysis for the case of purgation. I cannot perform those three analytical steps, because I am not skilled enough in neuroscience and cardiovascular science. (I am a theoretical mechanical engineer and system dynamicist.) The three additional analyses required are:
- Determining the precise location in my heart of the cramped, antagonistic heart muscles. This is a very difficult "easy problem" (see Chalmers' statement about the easy problems of consciousness at the end of the summary in Chapter 1).
- Determining the neurobiological correlates of consciousness (NCC) during purgation. This is also a very difficult "easy problem." (see the statements on CHP by Crick, Koch, and Searle at the end of this summary). These difficult "easy problems" are available for analysis only after the CHP breakthrough for purgation has been precisely solved (see item 1 just above). Once item 1 has been solved, the neuroscientists and cardiovascular experts need to neurophysiologically link the dynamic sets of cramped, antagonistic heart muscles with the dynamic core consciousness going on during the experience of purgation. (My early conjecture is that the key to this linkage is understanding the operation of the experiencer's somatosensory system.
It looks to me like that system extends all the way from (1)the cramped heart muscles that are being released to (2)the postcentral gyrus in the experiencer's cerebral cortex. The location of the latter part of the somatosensory system is probably where the dynamic core consciousness associated with purgation had been generated during the release of my trauma.)
- The method for testing the scientific validity of my SD-based, TFP analysis of purgation is shown in Chapter 6, Section II.B, item 11.
Key #6: Introduction to my Transcendental Feedback Phenomenology (TFP) model and its simulations of the phenomenological variables associated with my religious experience of purgation (first draft).
Please be patient. Key #6 is going to take a lot of time to develop and present. I will start by introducing the reader to my Transcendental Feedback Phenomenology (TFP) model of my 16-hour experience of purgation, shown in Figure 2 (see Section A and B). I will then present the mathematical model associated with my TFP model of purgation (see Section C). Then (in Section D), I will explain or clarify how two, very important, feedback loops from the TFP model of purgation in Figure 2, below, worked together to enable me to successfully walk the plank (see Key #1).
A. Figure 2: Transcendental Feedback Phenomenology (TFP) model for my deep, subjective, ten-hour religious experience of purgation.
Figure 2, below, shows that my TFP model of purgation is a phenomenological system. A phenomenological system is what Damasio (1999) is calling a
core consciousness
system. However, I will use the term, phenomenological system throughout this discussion.
The TFP model, shown in Figure 2, is composed of a set of 38 dynamic variables, most of which are "dynamic phenomenological variables. These dynamic phenomenological variables are based on the experiencer's inner perception. Inner perception is the immediate awareness of the experiencer's own psychological phenomena: of his joys or desires, his sadness or rage, etc. To this awareness, restricted to the immediate present, Brentano ascribed infallible self-evidence." (Spiegelberg 1994)
Please note: For the deep experience of purgation, all awareness or phenomenological or core consciousness data is always available from the experiencer's long term memory (LTM). Also, please note the "most basic" or most important psychological phenomenon is an intentional phenomenon. There are two examples of such "most basic" or most important psychological phenomenon in the lower sector of the purgation model: KnotsInHeart and HeartOpenness. The experiencer is constantly aware of those two "most basic" or most important phenomenon throughout the experience of purgation. Nevertheless, KnotsInHeart and HeartOpenness do not exist, because they are not material objects. Heart muscles do not have knots in them and they don't open. That is why in the field of phenomenology KnotsInHeart and HeartOpenness are described as having intentional inexistence.

B. Additional introductory explanations of the TFP-based model of purgation in Figure 2. (first draft):
Transcendental Feedback Phenomenology (TFP) is a marriage between
Forrester's System Dynamics (SD) and the emerging field of phenomenology, developed by Brentano, Husserl, and their associates.
- The architecture of the TFP model of purgation in Figure 2 (first draft):
First, I would like to discuss the architecture of the model of the 38 phenomena, shown in Figure 2 above. That architecture is associated with my deep, subjective experience of purgation. That architecture of the model, shown above, has a quickly operating (milleseconds to seconds) cognitive mechanism in the upper sector that interacts with a relatively slow system (seconds to hours) in the lower sector.
Jackendoff (1987)
has called the former the computational mind and the latter the phenomenological
mind. Communication between these two sectors of the model are implemented by about six transducers or transition variables. Regarding these two sectors, the former originates in the thalamocortical system and is nonconscious; the latter
originates in the limbic-brain stem
and neurocirculatory system and is mostly conscious (an insight given to me by Dr. Prabha Guha 1991).
There are 27 dynamic phenomenological variables (or dynamic core consciousness variables) associated with the phenomenological mind. These variables are located in the lower sector of the model. They are named, using what Husserl called the 'natural attitude.' For example, KnotsInHeart is not a thing. It is a phenomenon. It has no reality as such, because there are no knots in the heart. However, in actuality it is now known that during purgation there are cramped or paralyzed muscles in the heart. Thus, naming the phenomena variables in the 'natural attitude' means the name it feels like to the experiencer (myself) as he recalls the details of the dynamic psychological phenomena going on during his 10 hour experience of purgation. Whereas, the naming of dynamic material objects that underlie the dynamic phenomena operating in the experiencer's mind is the naming of the dynamic noumena operating during purgation. Thus, simulating the 27 phenomena variables of purgation and naming them in the 'natural attitude' is a way for the analyst (myself) to present a moment by moment narrative to the reader who, informally, wants to know what was going on during my experience of purgation.
The model's representation for my dynamic phenomena going on in my phenomenological mind during purgation is shown as a feedback system in the lower sector of the model. There are 27 phenomenological variables in that lower sector. The
intentionality
of the phenomena during purgation is about
a somatosensory mental image.
The mental image does not exist. It is only a psychological phenomena in the experiencer's mind. However, that mental image phenomena is about the heart opening against a resistance in the form of knots in the heart. Using the insights of Meinong (1904), Husserl's Transcendental Phenomenology has labeled such intentionality, 'intentional inexistence,' because KnotsInHeart is not a material object. Further, hearts are not opened and they don't have knots.
However, eventually, in Step III of the TFP analysis, the TFP analysis finds that the material objects that actually exist in the experiencer's neurophysiological system are about 12 sets or pairs of
antagonistic heart muscles.
When those 12 sets or pairs of antagonistic heart muscles are released during the time when a trauma is released, those heart muscles become dynamic and drive the dynamics of all the phenomena in the phenomenological mind. Therefore, even though the mental image does not exist, it can be modeled and simulated because there is a one to one relationship between the dynamics of the heart muscles and the dynamics of the mental image and other dynamic phenomena associated with the phenomenological mind. In short, the dynamic heart muscles are the dynamic noumena that drive the dynamic psychological phenomena that are experienced in the form of the dynamic mental image. The noumena are the 12 sets or pairs of antagonistic heart muscles. They are driving the phenomena. The mind uses its imagination to convert the dynamics of the heart muscles to the dynamics of the mental image. That is why it is called a somatosensory mental image.
There is a saying that a picture is worth 1000 words. For a person experiencing the fast moving, incredibly stressful, and fearful dark night of the soul or purgation, a mental image is worth 1000 neurophysiological facts. Hence, during the crisis of purgation the mind uses a somatosensory mental image. An image makes it easier and quicker for the mind to comprehend and to act or respond quickly to the essentials of what is sensed within. Phenomenological variables of the model associated directly with the somatosensory mental images include HeartOpenness, KnotsInHeart, FearDeathDueToKnot, and the set of feedback loops associated with them. ForgivenessResponse, PsychicStress, and OpeningPressure are also associated with this mental image. A simulation of these conscious variables allows us to get a good description - in the 'natural attitude' - of the phenomena (or core consciousness) and how it is driven, moment by moment, during the stressful and fearful experience of purgation.
As for the computational mind (or the cognitive mechanism) in the upper sector, the 11 variables representing the nonconscious cognitive mechanism are located
in the upper part of the model, above a semicircle that goes just above
KnotOriginInsight, AttentionalFocus, and PsychicEnergyFactor. I conceived or invented this cognitive mechanism sector and use it, because it is able to include PrayerTrueness into the lower sector of the model. Eventually, this cognitive mechanism sector will be replaced by a model developed by a combination of scientists in the field of cognitive science and system dynamicists. At present we must use my invented model. It incorporates the concept of redundancy from engineering;
Miller's (1956)
concepts from information theory concerning channel capacity and recoding; Miller's 'magical number seven' used in cognitive science; and the retrieval accuracy of short term memory concept developed by
Schouten and Bekker (1967), Wickelgren (1979), and Luce (1986).
The concept of redundancy comes into play during mystical union when the primary information processor shuts down and the background information processor takes over in its place. How the model of consciousness operates when time stops during mystical union will be discussed more fully in items 4 and 5 in Section II.B of Chapter 6.
Preliminary mathematical definitions of each of these variables are given in the 38 variable (11 in the upper sector, 27 in the lower sector) mathematical model, shown in Sector C, below. The constants in the equations and the table functions have been tuned to give an
accurate simulation
of the 10-hour
Dark Night or purgative stage
right up to the moment just preceding mystical union. Of the 38 variables, 23 are aspects of the phenomenological system (or core consciousness system). All 23 are located in the lower sector. The simulations of these 23 aspects of the dynamic phenomena are all operating simultaneous. For example, simultaneously, the experiencer (myself) was conscious of the dynamics or change of the following aspects of the dynamic phenomena during purgation: The rise in OpeningPressure and HeartOpenness, the removal of a knot (KnotsInHeart), the rise and fall of the intensity of FearDeathDueToKnots and PsychicStress, the rising and falling intensity of PrayerIntensity of my prayer, the rise and fall of the intensity of AttentionalFocus of my mind, etc.
- Dynamics of the phenomena during purgation (first draft):
In my normal life HeartOpenness was stable at 5% of maximum possible openness
and there were a stable set of twelve KnotsInHeart.
This is shown at Time=0 in the simulations at Figure 1.
(Keep in mind that these numbers are only my best estimates: the initial value of HeartOpenness could have been anywhere from 2% to 10% or 15%; the initial value of KnotsInHeart could have been anywhere between 8 and 15 knots.) However, just after the beginning of the Dark Night or purgation (Time>0), the phenomenological mind undergoes a change in such a way that OpeningPressure jumps from its NormalOpening Pressure of 5% all the way up to 80%. This is reflected by the fact that I have programmed AdditionalOpeningPressure to go from 0 to 75% at Time = 0. To understand the initial dynamics of the model at this point, keep in mind that the flow diagram for the 10-hour experience of purgation shown in Figure 2 has, at present, only two sectors. Eventually, the flow diagram or noema of core consciousness for the
entire religious crisis
may have 3 or more sectors. Therefore, the step input from AdditionalOpeningPressure is assumed to come from or originate in either a shift in loop dominance
(Forrester 1985)
or a bifurcation
(Strogatz 1994)
associated with a projected, but not yet modeled, adjacent sector or sectors. This step input causes limbic-brain stem variables in Figure 2, such as HeartOpenness, PsychicStress, FearDeathDueToKnot, KnotsInHeart and the like, to change or become dynamic, all coordinated by way of the feedback loops in the structure.
KnotsInHeart, HeartOpenness, and the three memories in the cognitive mechanism are
called state variables by mathematicians. In system dynamics terminology they are
called stocks or levels or accumulations. Each stock or state variable has the characteristic of accumulation, analogous to a bathtub accumulating water. Using this bathtub analogy, 'How open is the heart at this moment?' is analogous to 'How full of water is the bathtub, now?' ForgivenessResponse, HeartUnfoldmentRate, PrimaryInformationProcessingRate, BackgroundInformationProcessingRate, and InnerSensingRate are examples of rates. They act like either the bathtub's inlet faucets or outlet drains. Whether the faucet is an inlet faucet or outlet drain is indicated by the large arrowhead. (Eliminate the darkened arrowhead and use the open arrowhead to indicate the direction of flow of the thing or entity that is passing through the 'faucet'.) The much smaller arrowheads indicate the direction of causation. For example, the arrows coming from PrayerTrueness and PrayerIntensity and pointing at
PrayerQuality indicate that the first two variables determine the value of
PrayerQuality at any time. Specifically, the mathematical model gives the following definition of PrayerQuality:
PrayerQuality = 0.5*(PrayerTrueness + PrayerIntensity) ............equation 1
When PrayerQuality reaches 100%, which is the 'forgiveness threshold', the
ForgivenessResponse is triggered and one KnotInHeart is removed in a
ratchet-like fashion. (The knot is removed, rather than added, because the undarkened arrowhead points away from the KnotsInHeart stock.) Action then shifts to a negative feedback loop associated with HeartOpenness and PsychicStress: The removal of this one knot begins to unseal the restricted and rigid or tight heart, causing PsychicStress to decrease rapidly, which then causes the HeartUnfoldmentRate 'faucet' to open.
This causes HeartOpenness
to open further, causing PsychicStress to rise again as the heart begins to encounter the next knot. As a result FearDeathDueToKnot, and then PrayerIntensity, and WillfulAttention, begin to rise again.
The rise in fear and attention leads to a shift in loop dominance: Action shifts to the cognitive mechanism, which is essentially a negative feedback loop concerned with solving the problem of the origin of the knot. The fear and attention driven PrimaryInformationProcessingRate in the cognitive
mechanism speeds up, leading to an increase in KnotOriginInsight. This increasing
insight is concerned with the solution to the following problem: What is the particular sin, guilt, or hatred that is at the origin of this next knot? The gradual solution to this problem and my gradual acceptance of this solution leads to greater PrayerTrueness and then greater PrayerQuality until the latter reaches the 'forgiveness threshold,' triggering the ForgivenessResponse again. Then, the next knot cycle begins.
C. Now, I will focus on the two most important feedback loops of the model in Figure 2. A study of those two feedback loops will begin to clarify how the experiencer of purgation was able to walk the plank. This study is going to take a lot of time. (first draft):
- Phenomenological Mind Detail (first draft):
My TFP model in Figure 2 is about the 27 phenomenological variables present in my phenomenological mind (Jackendoff 1987) during my religious experience of purgation. These 27 phenomenological variables are shown in the lower sector of Figure 2. The names of these phenomenological variables are given in what the phenomenologist, Husserl, called the 'natural attitude' or the 'Lebenswelt' or the 'life world'. They were modeled using the phenomenological data associated with my entire experience of purgation. That data was stored in my long term memory (LTM), as the data was being experienced. When the data of the LTM is accessed, it is naturally found to be given in what Husserl called the 'language of the life-world' or the 'Lebenswelt' or the 'natural attitude.' I tend to call that language the language of the common man. I imagine the following situation: The common man is honestly trying to narrate to close friends what happened to him during the time when he had a crucial, deep, subjective, religious experience. He does not know what was actually occurring in his neurophysiological system. He only knows the 27 phenomenological variables and their dynamics. So, he begins the narrative with "For some reason my heart began to open ......etc."
Now, here is a simple definition of the various kinds of phenomena shown in the phenomenological mind modeled in the lower sector of Figure 2: "Phenomena are objects or aspects known by the experiencer only through his or her senses:" I found this simple definition in Webster's dictionary. However, in the case of a subjective experience like purgation, the somatosensory system is, perhaps, the only sensing system involved, although feeling was involved, also. Certainly, the sense of smell, seeing, and hearing were not involved. Examples of noemata or variables that are 'objects' in Figure 2 are KnotsInHeart and HeartOpenness. However, these 'objects' or noemata were not real objects. They were perceived by the experiencer in what Husserl called the 'natural attitude' or the 'life-world'. Examples of noemata or variables that are aspects are SealmentOfSoul, MaximumBearableUnboundedness, Ratio, PsychicStress, FearDeathDueToKnots, PrayerIntensity, ForgivenessResponse, etc. The model shown in Figure 2 must be studied by the reader to allow him or her to grasp Husserl's concept of the 'natural attitude' or the Lebenswelt or what I am calling the language of the common man. In order to do this he uses the following terminology: his names for his phenomenological variables.
(In Key #5, above, I presented how I was able to identify the noumena. The noumena can only be known through the thought or reasoning methodology given in Step III of the Transcendental Feedback Phenomenology (TFP) methodology. The application of Step III to the purgation experience illustrates how the analyst identifies the noumena that are driving the phenomena during purgation. This very important part of the TFP analysis is clarified in Key #5.)
- Identifying and explaining how the two feedback loops work together to enable the experiencer to walk the plank (first draft):
Perhaps, the two most important feedback loops in the lower sector (the phenomenological mind sector) are the two feedback loops driving PsychicStress. Then, the rise in PsychicStress causes FearDeathDueToKnot to rise. This causes PrayerIntensity to rise (If, and only if, the experiencer begins to pray). If he begins to pray, he will probably succeed, if PrayerQuality and the ForgivenessResponse are able to cause a KnotInHeart to be released. If he does not begin to pray, FearDeathDueToKnot will rise too high, causing the experiencer of the first knot to panic and have a nervous breakdown.
Here are those two most important feedback loops:
- Feedback Loop #1: This feedback loop extends from KnotsInHeart to SealmentOfSoul to MaximumBearableUnboundedness to Ratio to PsychicStress to FearDeathDueToKnot to PrayerIntensity to PrayerQuality to ForgivenessResponse and then back to KnotsInHeart again. The reason why this feedback loop is so important is it is used when the experiencer must walk the plank. Walking the plank extends from PsychicStress to the ForgivenessResponse.
- Feedback Loop #2: This feedback loop works in tandem with Feedback Loop #1. Loop #2 extends from HeartOpenness to UnboundednessOfSoul to Ratio to PsychicStress to AveragePsychicStress to HeartUnfoldednessRate and then back to HeartOpenness again.
In Section D we will be focusing on the lower sector. Recall that Jackendoff (1987) calls that sector the phenomenological mind. It contains the two feedback loops associated with walking the plank: The KnotsInHeart feedback loop and the HeartOpenness feedback loop.
Notice that those two feedback loops use soft variables. Soft variables are used throughout the lower sector. Some of these soft variables in the model have dimensional requirements: All three prayer variables, PrayerTrueness and PrayerIntensity and PrayerQuality, must have the same dimension (prayer magnitude units) and both UnboundednessOfSoul variables must have the same dimension (unboundedness of soul units). The latter requirement causes Ratio to be dimensionless.
Some of the rest of the variables associated with the phenomenological mind sector are what I am calling transitive variables. The equations established for the transitive variables were determined by iteratively comparing the sets of simulated values of the various transitive variables with the data in my long term memory (LTM) (see the iterative technique presented in The GTR Project of the Introduction).
When the experiencer's PsychicStress starts to build up, his FearDeathDueToKnot starts to rise. Now, if the experiencer has begun to pray, PrayerIntensity will begin to rise. If all goes well, PrayerQuality reaches 100%, the ForgivenessResponse is triggered, and one KnotInHeart is removed in a ratchet-like fashion. However, if the experiencer is nor religious, he or she may rebel in some way against the use of prayer. If the rebelious attitude dominates the mind of the experiencer too long (we are dealing with seconds here), the experiencer will - in short order - panic and have a nervous breakdown.
Chapter 3: The Dark Night of the Soul or Purgation. A more detailed account:
A. Let us start with the total picture of my religious experience:
Figure 1, just below, shows simulations of four aspects of my consciousness during my 16 hour or 960 minute religious experience. I was experiencing these four aspects simultaneously. These four simulations are based on the
system dynamics flow diagram of Figure 2
and its associated
mathematical model.
Figure 1: Sixteen hour simulation of purgation, mystical union, and deep sleep, (
stages 11, 12, and 13
respectively).

Here is the estimated timetable for the 960 minute religious experience simulated in Figure 1, above.
- 0 minute mark to the 60 minute mark: The simulation begins at noon Pacific
time. It starts with the 15 minute walk from the monastery to the cab stand, during which the heart began to open, and extends through to the arrival of the cab at the Los Angeles airport.
- 60 minute mark to the 120 minute mark: The one-hour wait at the airport.
- 120 minute mark to the 450 minute mark: The flight from LA to Boston,
leaving LA at about 2:00pm and arriving at Logan airport in Boston around 10:30pm Eastern time.
- 450 minute mark to the 555 minute mark: The discussion with the police officer at the airport plus the cab ride from the airport to my apartment plus about one-hour of preliminaries - thinking, pacing the floor, etc. - before lying down on my bed.
- 555 minute mark to the 615 minute mark: The unstable period during which
the 12 KnotsInHeart are purged. The 8-step iterations, listed in Section C, below, occur here.
- Mystical union, lasting anywhere between 4 to 7 seconds, occurred around
the 617 minute mark.
- 617 minute mark to the 960 minute mark: Deep sleep.
- Awaken at sunrise to the Divine State at the 960 minute mark.
Thus, my religious experience included purgation (from 0 to around the 617 minute mark), mystical union (with a duration of around 4 to 7 seconds of the 617th minute), and deep sleep (with a duration of around 6 hours). The total experience was thus around 16 hours or 960 minutes; purgation lasted roughly 10 hours; deep sleep lasted roughly 6 hours.
B. Here are simulations of the release of three of the twelve knots in my heart during purgation.
Figure 3: Two minute simulations during the walking of the plank.
The gathering of these four critical simulations attempts to simply describe - via simulation - how the potential mystic
'walks the plank' for three of the twelve knots released during purgation.
The release of the crucial first knot is not shown simulated in Figure 3. The release of knots is shown only for the following knots: The 5th from last, the 4th from last, and the 3rd from last knots. Two of the simulations track the oscillation of the intensity of two critical variables,
FearDeathDueToKnot and PrayerQuality.
During the same two minute time period the other two simulations track (1) the decrease of the variable, KnotsInHeart, and (2) the rise of the variable, TruenessOfMind. As TruenessOfMind rises, it is eventually going to lead to mystical union when all 12 KnotsInHeart have been released. Notice in Figure 3 that a knot is released only when the variable, PrayerQuality, reaches 100%. Here is the mathematical model for the variable, PrayerQuality:
PrayerQuality = (0.5)*(PrayerIntensity + PrayerTrueness).......eq.1
C. The 8-step iterative sequence, below, attempts to give the reader an idea of what was going on within me each time a knot was released from my heart during purgation (Stage 11):
Stage 11 of Table I
is known variously as the Dark Night of the Soul
(John of the Cross)
or Purgation
(Malachi 3:3)
or Refiner's Fire
(Malachi 3:2),
or overcoming either seals or knots or original sin or nafs or samskaras or samsara
(Suzuki 1959)
etc.
The opening or unfoldment of my heart during Stage 11 prepared me for mystical union. The
various aspects of my consciousness
associated with the opening and purification of my heart during stage 11
had a cyclical characteristic.
This is described by means of the following 8-step iterative sequence. Each iterative sequence removes one knot. It took roughly 12 of these 8-step iterative sequences to remove the 12 knots in my heart:
- An unfoldment force within the deepest part of my heart led to an
opening of my heart.
- This initial opening produced a certain degree of rapture, but gradually it also brought a psychic stress and fear of death as the opening heart began to
encounter a resistance, perceived as a
knot in the heart.
- The terror or psychic stress caused my mind to either conjure up or
discover the following interpretation or explanation for the presence
of the knot: Each knot in my heart had a one-to-one representation
in my mind of a particular guilt, sin, error, or hatred.
- As the fear of death and stress mounted due to the opening heart
working against that particular knot, my mind's analytical faculties
quickly found and became aware of a particular attachment or
impurity in the mind associated with that particular knot in the heart,
be it a remembered sin, guilt, error, or a hatred.
- Because of the extreme stress I began to pray to a God whom
I called the Lord.
- As the stress began to mount even further almost
to the point of death
in this Dark Night of the Soul, either of the following occurred:
- For the case in which a knot represented a sin, I presented the sin to the 'Lord' like a drowning man crying for help. Because of the fervor or integrity of prayer at this desperate moment of stress, the Lord, out of the void within, accepts this plea for mercy -- if the Lord so wills.
The Lord forgives:
the impurity or sin associated with that particular knot in the heart is dissolved and the knot is untied. Then the stress lessened and the mind felt infinitely relieved.
- For the case in which a knot represented hatred of a rival, my first move was reluctantly to prepare my mind to forgive. Instantly this lingering was not tolerated because the stress quickly mounted.
At the ominous approach
of a rising stress that threatened to burst my heart,
hatred for my rival at last began to seem superficial. Indeed, the rival was felt to be a friend now; without the so-called rival there in my mind to forgive I felt I could not escape death; the rival existed as a blessed oasis in this wilderness. Hatred for him turned to love.
Indeed, I slowly began to discover that in the depths of my heart I had loved my rival all the time.
The knot was untied, the stress lessened, and I felt infinitely relieved.
-
This success of prayer,
in which a hate turned to love and in
which I felt the presence of a forgiving God, encouraged dialogue
to develop with this concept of God with Form: The Lord. This
assisted my mind in letting go of the whole neurotic complex in
my brain that connected to or centered around that particular
knot in my heart. I attached myself instead to this concept of God,
my Blessed Friend, the source of comfort.
(Deuteronomy 4:29 and Matthew 22:37)
- Thus, my heart felt less stress and terror with that knot now
untied and my mind became less complex. The mind was therefore
a further step more stable and ran more true. I could rest in grateful
companionship with The Lord. Moreover, with the knot now
removed rapture deepened a further step toward ecstasy or bliss and
the focus of my mind on the present moment within became more
pervading.
D. Summary:
It took about nine hours (0 to 555 minute mark) to go through steps 1 through 6 of the iterative sequence for Purgation in Section C, above. During step 6 the first knot was removed. Thereafter, the eight step iteration or recursion
looped relentlessly during a period of about an hour.
Thus, at the 617 minute mark all twelve knots in the heart had been purged. The
sin, guilt, hatred, and error
in my mind and heart associated with each knot had become uprooted;
a Covenant had been made.
Now, only the most simple and fundamental structures within my mind-heart
system were being employed, and there was a fierce and deepened attention of
my mind and being on the God-infused present moment within. The iterative structure or algorithm in Section C describes
a phenomenon that is like labor before birth.
That is,
the Refiner's Fire or Purgation is the labor before the birth of God realization during mystical union.
The purpose of this labor is to produce a purification and opening of the heart. The opening force comes from deep within.
E. Some Notes:
- The 12 knots were removed from my heart during the one-hour unstable region of the simulation of purgation in Figure 1 when time was between the 555 minute mark and the 617 minute mark.)
- For more detail please see
Figure 3.
It shows a two minute simulation of that unstable region, from the 607 to the 609 minute mark, during which three knots were purged
- I am using an initial value of twelve knots in the heart, because it coincides with the 12 petals of the Hindu concept of the heart chakras. However, from my rememberance of the experience of purgation I am estimating that the initial value could have been anywhere between seven to fifteen knots in the heart.
F. The various kinds of consciousness that existed during purgation, mystical union, and the two month Divine State that followed PMU:
In this section I will be using the concepts of
extended and core consciousness.
They were named and defined by
Damasio (1999).
-
When my heart began to open in the 'warm and brilliant Southern California sun,' as described in The Engineer's Story of Chapter 1,
core consciousness
began to emerge (see Figure 1 at time = 0). During the next nine hours core consciousness slowly began to become more and more dominant and to overshadow
extended consciousness.
When (as described in Chapter 1) I returned to my apartment in Boston's South End and 'lay down on my bed,' core consciousness began to dominate the final hour of purgation (the period of time from the 550 minute mark to the 617 minute mark). Figure 1 only simulates core consciousness. Extended consciousness was also present, particularly during the first nine of the ten hours, but (using Husserlian terminology) it was 'bracketed-out' in the TFP phenomenological analysis (see Chapter 6).
-
When I went into the state of mystical union, core consciousness also ceased or at least OpeningPressure, Fear, and Stress ceased. It seems to me that a different kind of consciousness existed during the 4 to 7 seconds of mystical union. There is no scientific name yet for that state of consciousness. For the time being let us call it Allah consciousness or Brahman consciousness or God consciousness, etc: a divine kind of consciousness. In this state one experiences an unsurpassable and unforgetable greatness. This greatness is experienced while one is in a timeless state. There is no change in the state of this consciousness. This is unique. Usually, consciousness is constantly changing and time seems to change from past to future.
My present conjecture of what is going on here is given at this link.
-
For the remaining 6 hours of the simulation in Figure 1 above, I was in deep sleep and not conscious. Thus, the phenomenological analysis terminates at the moment of transition from purgation to mystical union.
-
When I awoke at the 960 minute mark I was in a very balanced and serene state of consciousness, a state quite different from the states mentioned above. This serene state lasted for two months.
Csikszentmihalyi's (1975)
description of the flow state is akin to that two month state, but he does not emphasize the balance and serenity inherent in that heavenly state.
Further information on these forms of consciousness are given at this link.
Chapter 4. Mystical Union: A more detailed account of stage 12:
Toward the end of the Dark Night
(see Stage 11), during the two minute period (615 to 617) extending from the removal of the last knot from my heart to the experience of mystical union, my mind rapidly became completely absorbed with the God-infused present moment within and my heart continued to open. Psychic stress, fear of death, and prayer due to fear were rapidly disappearing and the intense energies associated with them were becoming transformed into a force powering a supreme inner attention and absorption. Then, quite abruptly, a cessation of all inner sense or movement occurred for a period estimated to be between four to seven seconds, during which I was in the state of mystical union.
In mystical union the following occurred:
- It seems that my body had ceased to function: The pumping
of my blood, the beating of my heart, the quivering or hum of my
nerves (or perhaps the latter was my body shaking) ceased quite
abruptly and I was left in a state of profound silence.
- Sentience or the train of inner sense stopped. That is, the increase and
decrease in intensity of inner sense such as psychic stress, fear of
death, and prayer due to fear ceased abruptly.
- With this cessation of inner sense the train of my sense of time
also ceased.
{This indicates that one's
sense of time and the experience of change of one's inner sense are
intimately linked.}
- At the same moment that the train of inner sense and the train
of time stopped, thought stopped.
- The mind was so intensely absorbed with the God-infused
present moment within that it was
unable to leave that spot to
generate thought or imagination or to recall from memory.
- Therefore, with the above cessation the cognition of time had
ceased; time did not exist for me. However, I was now aware of what
is known in the West as
Eternity.
- In Eternity there was an exaltation now on the spiritual level:
I had arrived at the supreme goal I had been seeking, unconsciously.
I was in a state where I felt I was experiencing the fundamental
note of my existence.
- In Eternity I was aware of
being in union with the God-infused
formless and timeless ground.
In addition I was aware of a supreme integrity and a true freedom while in
union with this formless ground. The two had become One.
- I was satisfied that this state was the end of the search:
- for the Ground,
- for Truth. (Here is my idea of Truth: my system was finally
running true, like when a rackety, complex machine has been carefully
adjusted and begins to hum.)
- for God.
- As I reflect on it now, I estimate that this timeless
state lasted around 4 to 7 seconds, although this estimate could be
way off. {However, such a brief experience of this state could be
dismissed as an unimportant anomaly in the vast expanse of physical
time and time's many uses in practical life, except that this experience
of the Eternal remains as a deep and abiding memory, like the mother's
memory of childbirth. The effect is that it brings about a conversion
and a salvation and becomes the
philosopher's stone,
the central ground of one's life from that moment forward.
With that seed, that pearl,
I had what I needed to begin to tread the mystic path leading to the
salvation of my soul.
I believe many unknown people have also experienced mystical union.}
- With the gaining of this pearl I had come to the end of my long
desperate search. I then let go and fell into a deep and abiding sleep.
To understand how I arrived at the above state of mystical union, please study Chapter 1, the dramatic narrative of the 22 month period leading up to that state. During that time I was working as a project engineer.
I call the narrative,
An Engineer's Story.
Chapter 5: A practical application for the General Theory of Religion: Curing Mental Illness throughout the World by means of a Collaboration between Science and Religion.
Here is the outline of an open collaboration between brilliant System Dynamicists, who have been studying my system dynamics-based General Theory of Religion (GTR), and the talented and versatile scientists now working in the field of Genomics at The Broad Institute of MIT and Harvard:
The highly regarded Broad Institute of MIT and Harvard is taking a position toward mental illness that I find complements the position taken by my General Theory of Religion (GTR). There may be a way to integrate these two approaches through an open collaboration:
- The Broad Institute believes the application of the most advanced genomic tools will solve the problem of what is causing mental illnesses, like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and major depression. Once the genomic cause is known for each illness, the Broad Institute believes conceiving and developing novel, more effective treatments for such illnesses can finally be accomplished. The Broad Institute is now involved in a 10 year, $500 million project along these lines.
- The GTR's scientific position is that most mental illnesses begin their development at the moment when the abreaction or release of a trauma has led to panic and a nervous breakdown. When the panic and nervous breakdown occur the abreaction process or the release of the trauma ceases, usually during the unsuccessful releasing process of the first set of cramped, antagonistic heart muscles. However - and this is very important - if there is no panic and nervous breakdown during the
abreaction
of the trauma, the entire release of the trauma will be successfully completed and mental illness will not develop. The GTR's position is that the
primary purpose of a religion
is to religiously prepare children of that particular religion, in case those children are traumatized in the future. Specifically, the GTR's position is that the aim of a religion is to prepare those children so they will be able to deal with the beginning signs of panic that will be present when the trauma is eventually beginning to be released. In short, the primary purpose of a religion is to avoid the panic and the nervous breakdown, associated with the eventual release or abreaction of a trauma. If the children's religious preparedness has been done effectively, no panic and nervous breakdown will occur. As a result, there will be no mental illness among the devotees of that religion. Therefore, if a study of a person's genomics shows a tendency toward - for example - schizophrenia, this form of mental illness will only begin to develop in that person after panic and a nervous breakdown occurs. Note carefully: the GTR's position is that a religiously prepared child will eventually be prepared to deal with the release of a trauma later in his or her life: He or she will be able to keep the panic and nervous breakdown from occurring. This has been carefully described in
Key #1 of the Introduction to the GTR,
where I reveal how I was able to avoid panic and a nervous breakdown at the age of 30 during the abreaction or release of my childhood trauma. That childhood trauma occurred when I was a child of 9 or 10 years old. I was religiously prepared, mainly by my mother and father and by Rabbi Minda overseeing his Sunday school. The critical years were between the ages of about 5 through 15 years old. Therefore, I believe a careful study of religious preparedness is the most important and the most central phenomenon for psychiatrists, scientists, and religious leaders to study. Collaborating scientists conducting such a study would include the talented and versatile scientists at the Broad Institute, system dynamicists who are now studying and becoming interested in my internet presentation of my
General Theory of Religion
analysis, religious scholars, etc. The main idea here is that if the panic and nervous breakdown do occur during the abreaction, then - and only then - will the results of the Broad Institute's genomics approach - described above - come into play. Here is another important point: the GTR is finding that the primary purpose of a religion is very similar for most of the religions existing throughout the world (see Key #2 and Key #3 just below). Therefore, the results of the collaboration between system dynamicists, who are studying, analyzing, and publishing about a great variety of complex systems, and the versatile scientists at the Broad Institute of MIT and Harvard, who are focused on the use of Genomics to cure mental illness, could begin a very interesting and productive long term project: A project that may eventually wipe out mental illness throughout the world, but only in conjunction with the local religions existing throughout the world.
We are asking the Broad Institute to consider making the integration of these two approaches to the origin and cure of most mental illnesses the centerpiece of their very important 10 year, $500 million project. Success on such an open collaboration between those scientists working with the genomics approach, those working with the religious approach, and those working with the psychiatric approach could not only bring about the elimination of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and major depression, but could also bring about deep cultural integration and deep cultural teamwork between genomics, religion, psychiatry, and the pharmaceutical industry. Such integration and teamwork will always be desperately needed in a modern culture.
In the modern era, it is so critical that leaders of the government, the industrial community, the business community, the scientific community, the pharmaceutical industry, the universities, the psychiatric community, and the religious communities learn to work together. I believe such cultural teamwork would bring about healthy, vibrant societies throughout the world: Societies as free as possible from those mental illnesses that result from the panic and nervous breakdown associated with the release or abreaction of a trauma.
Key #2: A Brief Introduction to the General Theory of Religion.
"... if there is ever to be a universal religion, it must be one which will have no location in place or time; which will be infinite like the God it will preach, and whose sun will shine upon the followers of Krishna and of Christ, on saints and sinners alike; which will not be Brahminic or Buddhistic, Christian or Mohammedan, but the sum total of all these, and still have infinite space for development..."
(Vivekananda 1893)
Table I, below, gives the 14 stages of my 53 month religious crisis. The details of Table I give the reader a brief and concise base for understanding the similarities of religions and for understanding the deep concept of a general theory of religion.
Please notice that Purgation is listed at Stage 11 and Mystical Union is listed at Stage 12 of the Judeo-Christian terminology. The Hindu terminology uses the term Overcoming Samskaras for the experience of Purgation and uses the term Samadhi for the experience of Mystical Union, etc.

Key #3: Why a Culture Cannot Survive without Religion.
(Why has religious belief survived throughout the whole history of mankind?)
Here are some of the most important religious insights of the book: They are based on my very detailed scientific, presuppositionless, System Dynamics(SD)-based Transcendental Feedback Phenomenological (TFP) analysis of my religious experience, particularly the finer and finer simulations of my
core consciousness
during purgation. This analysis is being carried out in detail in Chapters 5 and 6. The finer and finer simulations have slowly uncovered the practical reason why prayer, imagination, and religious belief have survived from the time of migrating primitive tribes to the present:
-
During the time when primitive tribes were spreading throughout the world, the quality and effectiveness of the religions of those primitive tribes were forced to develop. That was because of the competitive nature of that migration. The competition between tribes during that expansion or migration caused religions to develop or evolve to the point where a
religious scenario,
such as the scenario described in Section D of Key #1 when I had to 'walk the plank', enabled tribesmen to survive the abreaction or release of a tribesman's past battlefield trauma. Because of the competition, religion was gradually forced to develop or evolve to the point where tribal culture had the ability to teach religious preparedness to tribal children and youth. Later this religious preparedness was available to adult warriors. As children, they had learned to use
prayer, religious belief, and imagination.
This kept battlefield traumatized tribesman safe from the panic that could come at any time during the
abreaction or release
of a past battlefield trauma. This kind of religion was able to instill
religious preparedness
and the feeling of closeness to the Divine during the childhood period of the future warrior. Eventually, religious preparedness is what was needed in order for the tribal warrior to walk the plank during the abreaction or release of a past battlefield trauma.
-
I base the above conjecture on my particular case of not panicking during my purgation experience. My experience of successfully walking the plank indicated to me that my religious preparedness saved me from panic, from a nervous breakdown, and - eventually - from some form of psychosis, like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression. In my case, my experience of successfully walking the plank revealed to me that
- without the blessed Lord to save me -
a nervous breakdown and psychosis would have followed the panic during the, very dangerous, spontaneous abreaction or release of my
childhood trauma.
-
Therefore, the above example of successfully walking the plank illustrates the reason why religious preparedness deepened in tribes to become central to tribal culture: Religious preparedness and religious belief became critical for the survival of a primitive tribe. A primitive tribe could not survive or come out the winner in competition with neighboring tribes, if too many of its tribesmen had become mentally ill after panicking during a non-religious abreaction of a previous battlefield trauma. Recall that
my experience of walking the plank
indicates that when a person's trauma starts to be abreacted or released without religious preparedness on the part of the traumatized person, panic and a nervous breakdown are likely. Imagine a rich primitive tribe with a religion whose spiritual power had slowly become lax or weakened or undermined. Such a tribe would eventually have many mentally ill tribesmen idly hanging around the tribal village accompanied by their caretakers. Then, a starving desperate, but religious, neighboring tribe - sneeking around the bushes and watching such a tribe - will get enough courage to attack and destroy that tribe and take over its territory.
-
As time went by,
religious story-telling,
religious scenarios, and other techniques were used by those migrating religions. Eventually, religious preparedness grew more and more effective in some of the tribes. Only those tribes eventually survived. Those surviving tribes were the seeds of the surviving religions now existing around the world.
-
Summary: Religious belief, prayer, and imagination can be used to enable the warrior to survive the abreaction or release of a past battlefield trauma.
(Note: A few of the former traumatized warriors may be conditioned by the successful abreaction or release of trauma to emerge from the abreaction, spiritually charged and ready to fight at an inspired level.)
-
It is very important for the reader to penetrate toward the insight that using religious preparedness, religious belief, prayer, and imagination can save the traumatized warrior or traumatized tribesman from panic, a nervous breakdown, and mental illness, while that abreaction or release of his trauma is going on. As a result, the warrior will come through the release of the trauma in one piece. Please note that religion's most recent competitor or rival - the combined community of psychiatrists, psychologists, and pharmaceutical manufacturing companies - has no way of stopping panic and a nervous breakdown from occuring during the abreaction of a trauma.
-
Now, going beyond my conjectures on the value of religious preparedness for the survival of a primitive tribe, I will state that I believe religious preparedness, religious belief, prayer, and imagination are critical for the survival of a modern culture or a modern civilization. Because of my scientific analysis of my religious experience, I hold the position that the above ideas carry over into the modern era, making prayer, imagination, and religious belief a very effective way to avoid panic, a nervous breakdown, and possible psychosis resulting from the abreaction of trauma.
-
At this point I need to state that the psychiatric community in its present form, and the pharmaceutical industry associated with it, make a lot of money dealing with mental illnesses that result from a trauma that has been unsuccessfully abreacted in a non-religious way. It appears that eliminating religion would be very good for the financial condition of psychiatrists and for the profits of corporations in the pharmaceutical industry. For example, purchases of antidepressant drugs and antipsychotic drugs are the third and fourth highest category of pharmaceuticals sold in the USA. Their total sales were $20.7 billion in 2004 (Wall Street Journal, 7/27/05, D1) and growing. If there were to be a revival of the legendary skills of religion in a culture, it would eventually reduce the demand for psychiatrists and, perhaps, cause the psychiatrist's income to drop sharply. It would also reduce the profits of the pharmaceutical industry.
Chapter 6. Clarification of key religious concepts:
Toward the Meaning of the Experience of Purgation and Mystical Union: My mind has been directed toward gaining these insights ever since I began this study in 1984.
1. The essence of faith.
Sometimes, desperate people - when their backs are to the wall facing defeat,
death, and/or disintegration - make a miraculous recovery. Examples are
found among warriors, businessmen, athletes, people on their death bed,
prisoners,
former addicts of one kind or another, etc. Do you remember the people of
London during the Battle of Britain? Do you remember
the people of Grand Forks, North Dakota during the Red River flood of 1997?
Do you remember the night that Archie Moore came back from a terrific beating in
the first round to steadily make his way back and ultimately defeat a powerful Canadian boxer?
An Engineer's Story
is a narrative that details one person's experience of this mode or capability,
including the desperate circumstances that brought it about.
All such people are knowers of a greatness within that has enabled them to
function in these situations in a mode far more profound, powerful, and skilled
than their ordinary abilities. This human capability probably evolved during
the desperate battle conditions of our earliest hominid ancestors. This capability
is always available to human beings.
To know this is the essence of faith.
2. The meaning of life: Cracking the Code!
There is something driving us to our full potential: to our ultimate end or object; to our telos. This telos is ultimate trueness, freedom, integrity, grounding, and love, but we never seem to attain it. Whatever trueness, freedom, integrity, grounding, or love we attain, we sense it is not enough. We need more.
In my case my full potential, my telos, was only satisfied when I had experienced
mystical union.
It was in mystical union that I experienced ultimate trueness, freedom, integrity,
grounding, and love. When that occurred I felt my search was over. I was finally
satisfied. Therefore, it was this that I had been driven to, unconsciously. The drive toward this goal is mostly hidden from us; it is unconscious: An unconscious life force or entelechy is silently and wordlessly informing us: 'Come to the state of ultimate freedom, trueness, integrity, grounding, and love.
From the point of view of intentionality our lives are about reaching this goal, the state of ultimate freedom, trueness, integrity, grounding, and love. That is, in our daily lives this is the unconscious intentionality of our conscious lives. This unconscious intentionality is driven, in turn, by some sort of unconscious life force.
With these insights the mystic had cracked the code: He had found the structure underlying the dance or game of life and he had a conjecture on what drives the dance.
3. The nature of God: The essence of religion
Focusing on the transition from purgation to mystical union gives powerful
insights: During purgation my imagination produced mental imagery and the emergence of an archetype when I really needed it. These products of my imagination played a central role in stabilizing my mind during the experience of purgation. However, they suddenly ceased functioning at the moment of cessation in
mystical union. The fact that God was experienced then, after those two aspects of the imagination had shut down, conflicts with the present position of both the scientific community and the Western psychological community. The Western psychological community's extensive study of the mind has
convinced them that God is a product
of the imagination.
My position is that we must go deeper: The experience of God originates at a much deeper level:
During mystical union inner sense ceases; including the inner sense of time, the ability to think, to imagine, to will, and to make immediate recall. Simultaneously, one has an ecstatic experience of merger with the essence
of one's inner self or inner Being. This timeless essence or Immensity or
Ground cannot be conditioned, either by society or authorities or by anything else. The ecstatic experience of this Ground, occurring after purgation when
my heart had been purified and fully
opened,
is an experience of an unsurpassable Greatness that fully satisfied my desperate
search for groundedness.
Immediately after, when I came down from mystical union and ordinary
consciousness partially returned, I was in a heavenly state. This state is called
bhava by the Hindus
and 'the Peace that passeth all understanding' or 'Beulah land' or heaven by
Protestant mystics. It is a state of supreme bliss.
A few months later,
I gradually returned to ordinary consciousness.
Then, in 1985 or thereabouts, I began to search my language for a name for the formless and unsurpassable Greatness experienced in mystical union, because I needed to communicate the insights emerging from this work. Because I was born and raised in the United States and English is my native language, the only name I could find that satisfied my heart and mind was the word, God, the name my precious mother spoke to me about when I was a boy.
If I had been born and raised in a Hindu culture, the name I would have chosen would have been Brahman; If I had been born and raised in a Muslim culture, the name would have been Allah; If I had been born and raised in a Japanese Buddhist culture, the name would have been
No Thing or Emptiness;
etc.
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Arlen Wolpert
Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA
http://theworld.com/~awolpert/
(Draft of November 15,2009)