Naturally, someone as wonderful as myself attracts quite a following. I've allowed a particularly amusing pair to inhabit the mansion with me (I wasn't using all the rooms anyway).

The main guest suite is inhabited by by a rabid liberal (they make such amusing scenes when they get upset, so I keep one around for parties). She calls herself Siubhan, though I suspect it's not her real name. Perhaps she's got an unsavory past she's hiding? Oh, go ahead, push the button, she doesn't bite! Well, not much... if you're lucky...

The other lurker-about-the-house simply turned up in my basement one day. "Andy" likes to leap out at unsuspecting solicitors approaching the front door; it's become a very endearing habit, and if the occasional salesman does get dragged kicking and screaming into the septic tank, well, that's the price of privacy. I warn you, he can be very cranky. I wouldn't recommend a visit.