Hi,
Thanks for your honest ideas.
On Mon, 16 Oct 1995, Matzdorf, Fides wrote:
> So, if you happen to communicate with a sadist (just using a more extreme
> example to illustrate what I mean), whose idea of being shown love is to
> have the other person kiss the soles of his/her boots... Or with a
> masochist who yearns for love in the form of whipping... Or with a
> religious fanatic... all right, I'll stop being facetious.
I've met people like this and I've had to communicate with them. My
brother calls himself a Jehovah's Witness, which I think is a form of
religious fanaticism based on acceptance of "truths."
One thing I'd like to write is that there's multiple ways of dealing with
people like this instead of just one way. That is, of course, my ideal.
I'd like to be able to communicate with everybody and know multiple
ways of dealing with them.
I was living at home and I didn't relish the fact that my brother would
be playing Jehovah's Witness taped propaganda while I was sleeping while
I figured out ways to persuade him to leave our home as "neutral"
territory. So I had to leave. I left because he couldn't.
> More seriously, I think the frame of reference needs to be negotiated if
> what you aim for is two-way communication. Otherwise this comes close to
> giving up your identity - and then you don't get your message(s) across
> either.
For me, usually I communicate with the purpose of eliciting people's
mental models. Once I've figured out their mental models, if those mental
models support activities that I'm not interested in, I stop talking to
them. It's a very manipulative way of doing things. For some reason, I
think it's much more attractive than imposing "truths" on people. I'd like
to be able to manipulate so that everybody get's more than they ever
wanted out of a deal but I guess that's a dream.
After a certain point, I think everybody loses their ability to dialog
because it's against their interests to even think certain thoughts. I
think Thomas Kuhn wrote about what I'm describing.
I think that "acting like a chameleon" is a good way for me to make sure
everybody's happy while I figure out how I can increase my capabilities.
-- Andrew Moreno Andrew Moreno <amoreno@whidbey.whidbey.com>